At The Tips Of Our Fingers
by sunsetstrip2010
Summary: Sequel to Finger Tip Love Notes. Going to be a little less fluffy and more drama filled but I hope still satisfying to fans of the first story and the couple in general. Please Review...
1. Prologue

**At The Tips of Our Fingers**

**Prologue**

Ashley's POV

_How did I get here? _

I am sitting alone on my couch in a small townhome. And I am 7.34 miles exactly from my beach house that I have shared with Spencer for nearly 8 year, 6 of which included my little blue-eyed boy and four of which included my little brown-eyed girl. And all of which were the greatest years I could imagine living.

And now here I sit, waiting patiently for 5:00 p.m. so I can go to the house and pick up Bo and Lyla for my "parenting time."

_Parenting time. Really? _

What kind of stupid person came up with that term? When I lived at the beach house, all my time was parenting time. It was not carved out or divided up or made into a perfect little schedule. It just was.

I glance at a photograph on my end table. I see my little boy sitting in my lap, and my little girl sitting in her lap.

_Baby_.

I feel my heart sink into my stomach as I look at her face in the photograph.

_How did we get here, Spencer?_

I am talking to a picture, and not to my wife. And the pain I am feeling at that realization is beyond anything

I mean, nowhere in the time I have been with her, save a few stupid months in high school, did I ever think I would know what it felt like to live without her. And I don't want to try to figure it out now.

I have loved Spencer for eighteen years. Since I was sixteen years-old. And I am thirty-four now, and there are so many years left in my life to love her.

Loving Spencer is almost painful at times, because I cannot imagine loving anyone, save my children, more than her. She's impossible not to fall in love with. Sometimes I sit and look at her and wonder how not everyone in the entire world didn't fall in love with her too. How was it only me? How did I not have to compete every day of my life with all the people in this world who should have fallen in love with her like I did. Or maybe they all did but I just didn't know it because she only had eyes for me.

_Spencer's eyes…_

She's perfect. She's easily the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I know I am nothing to sneeze at. I know I am an attractive woman. But Spencer is classically, perfectly, and painfully beautiful. She has the most flawless skin, the silkiest hair, the biggest most kissable looking lips that can form a pout that can knock the wind out of you and send you to your knees. She can stop you in your tracks in sweats, jeans and a t-shirt, or a fancy dress…and oh god, when she's wearing nothing at all. She wears every look, every hairstyle, everything with such style and she always looks just effortlessly and perfectly beautiful.

_And those eyes. _

Those big blue eyes, with the slight droop and the long lashes and the perfect sparkle. I got lost in them the first time I looked at her and I am still trying to find my way out of them.

And I swear we have the best marriage, the best relationship, the deepest love. We have so much fun together, we have amazing kids who we are loving raising together, we have a beautiful home, and more passion for one another than two people who have spent eighteen years together would expect to have.

So why am I sitting here, alone in a townhome, 7.34 miles away from MY home and MY family, counting the minutes…no, SECONDS to 5:00?

Well, here's how I think it all began…

Spencer's POV

"Bo, Lyla, get your shoes on. Mommy will be here soon!" I yell up the stairs at my children, hearing them shuffle around and then their footsteps pounding across the hall until I see them appear at the top of the stairs.

Forcing a wide smile, I beckon them to come the rest of the way down to me so I can help them get their overnight bags completely packed. They rush down to me, one after the other, and come to a grinding halt at my feet, Bo first followed closely by his little sister.

"Hey, you too. Slow down!" I tease as I bend over to kiss them both on the tops of their blonde and brown heads, respectively.

"Mama, can I bring my Nintendo DS?" Bo asks hopefully.

"Of course you can, Bubba," I assure him as I scoop Lyla into my arms. "Punker, you want to bring your dolly?" I whisper as I kiss her rosy cheek.

"Mama, why do we hafta go see Mommy at hew new house?" she inquires innocently and I feel my hear break inside my chest.

_How did we get here? _

Why am I packing my children's things and sending them off to some strange townhome 7.34 miles away from here to be with their Mommy? Why isn't Ashley here with us…with me?

I mean, I know we have had some problems over the last two years, but my God the first eighteen were practically perfect. And Ashley and I were not meant to live apart and try to juggle kids back and forth, we were meant to be together, and we've known it since we were sixteen years-old.

_Ashley…_

The sound of her name in my head literally makes me want to throw up. Not because it makes me sick to think of her, it makes me sick to be without her.

I cannot imagine loving anyone else the way I love Ashley. I've been so head-over-heels over her for so long I don't remember a day I did not love her.

How can you not love Ashley? You take one look at her and you are hooked…drawn to her and you cannot go back. I mean, everyone had the hots for Ashley. Look at Aiden. He had this great girl, smart, talented, beautiful, and totally into him, but he wanted Ashley. And it took him realizing her heart was with me to move on.

Even Madison's obsession with her ran deep. No one knows this, and it took Ashley years to tell me, but she and Madison had this "almost-thing"…and as soon as Madison realized she had an unexplainable 'thing' for that beautiful, sexy and charming brunette, she went screaming in the other direction for years and years and years.

But Ashley was mine. She was mine eighteen years ago, and she loves me as much as I love her. I have no doubt about that.

So how did we get here, passing back-packs back and forth between houses, going to bed alone at night, crying ourselves to sleep, and missing each other so much, but still living apart?

Well, I think it may have begun one day a couple years ago…


	2. Gossip Girls

**Chapter 1: Gossip Girls**

Spencer's POV

"Baby, I think you are trying to taunt me," I tell her, accusing her little eating technique with her tongue and the oysters we have ordered as being less than innocent.

She continues loosing the slimy creature away from the shell with her tongue, keeping her eyes focused intently on my own, never cracking a smile. As she succeeds in separating the oyster, she tilts her head back and let's the meat slide off the shell and into her waiting mouth. She swallows it down smoothly and licks her lips slowly.

"You know these are an aphrodisiac, don't you?" She raises one eyebrow as she takes another from the ice bath it is sitting in and leans across the table, holding it out to me.

"You learn that from Food Network too?" I tease as I take the oyster gently out of her hand, brushing her lightly with my fingertips. I have had so many lessons since her first asparagus tip so many years ago, and her continuing education on etiquette and fun food facts never failes to amuse me.

"Maybe…" she does not break from my stare as I squeeze a little lemon onto my oyster and follow with some cocktail sauce and horseradish.

"And I really don't think you need anything to increase your sex drive, darling." I say this matter-of-factly as my tongue finds its way around the edge of the shell.

She sits back and watches me intently, the lust in her eyes clear as I make sure to flick my tongue around the edge of the oyster, mimicking another movement I do with my tongue on something similar in texture.

We are in New York City, and Ashley is on tour for her third album. We have left Bo and Lyla with Nana and Pop, and they will spend a couple days with Grandma as well.

And I have flown in to spend a week with my wife, just the two of us, in our second favorite city in the U.S. And let me assure you…imitating cunnilingus on oysters is really pretty mild to what we've been up to since I arrived a couple days ago.

We are tucked away in the back of a dimly lit restaurant, in a corner booth. Obviously enjoying what I am doing to our appetizer, Ashley stands up and slides around so that she is sitting next to me in the booth, pulling me close to her and letting her fingertips run up the leg of my tight black skirt. Leaning in, she begins nibbling on my neck, murmuring something about how 'she wants me to eat her like I ate that oyster…'

"Ash…behave yourself. We're in public," I protest, though not really adamantly.

"Hey, it's not my fault. It's the oysters. I am telling you there is some chemical in them that makes it impossible to keep your hands off attractive women…" she continues nibbling on my neck, and trails up to the side of my mouth.

"Baby, why don't we finish these oysters, skip dinner, and go back to the hotel," I suggest through closed eyes as her fingers inch higher and higher up my leg.

"Mmmmm…." She kisses me firmly on the lips. "Ok, I like the sound of that, cause other than the rest of these oysters, I really just want to eat…" and her sentence is concluded by the feeling of her fingers grazing my panties, which are noticeably wet and really in need of being removed.

Pulling her hands back, she rises slowly and re-takes her seat across from me, smirking at the flustered state she left me in.

Shaking my head at her, I pick up another oyster. "Not fair…" I protest as I begin showing her even more clearly what I plan to do to her back at the hotel with this particular oyster.

"Yes, but that…THAT is REAL fair," she chuckles, shaking her head back at me.

There are two girls at a table not far from us, and as much as we are usually able to block the entire world out when we are together, they are talking too loudly for this quaint restaurant, and even though we are in New York, they both have the most annoying Southern California Valley Girl voices I think I have ever heard. And I have lived in L.A. for a long time now.

Ashley rolls her eyes at their intrusive loud voices and I smile at her, urging her to ignore them. Just then, we hear one girl loudly ask the other, "SO, have you like, heard the new Ashley Davies album?"

I widen my eyes at Ashley and she smirks, amused that they have no idea that, _like_, Ashley Davies is sitting with her back to them a few feet away. She puts one finger up to her lips as if hushing me, and cocks her head to the side, listening for what may come next.

"Yeah, it's pretty good. And you know she's, like, in town right now…" Girl number two offers this little tidbit as if she's a correspondent for Access Hollywood and has the inside track.

"Yeah, I wonder if we can still get tickets. I wouldn't mind seeing her. I mean, she's, like, pretty hot."

Ashley wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I try to stifle my laughter as to not interrupt this little exchange.

She is certainly enjoying the attention…especially the flattery.

"Well, yeah, but she's totally married. And do you know she has, like, two kids?"

I nod my head at Ashley, pursing my lips together thoughtfully, pretending to be learning these useful facts these girls are sharing with one another one by one.

"Yeah, that's pretty crazy. I mean, didn't she have, like, the most screwed up childhood?"

I see Ashley's face drop a little, and I shake my head at her, finally starting to urge her to actually ignore this conversation. But it's too late.

"I mean, her parent's marriage was some sort of disaster and she was raised by nannies or something, and then her dad, like, died…"

The light in Ashley's eyes is quickly fading and I reach out desperately to grab her hand.

"I mean, you have to feel sorry for those kids. Seriously, how can she, like, be a mom after that fucked up childhood."

I want to scream, and seeing Ashley's previously giddy mood destroyed and the hurt displayed all over her face, its all I can do to not stand up and chuck the rest of my oysters at their little table.

As if on cue, the waiter appears and pulls a pad from his apron. "Ladies, are you ready to order?"

"No, actually we will just take the check. Thank you, though," I tell him politely as I give Ashley's hand a gentle squeeze. I see her attempt to smile at me but her big brown eyes are in another place.

I quickly pay the check and pull her from her chair, giving her a short but tender kiss on her lips. "Come on baby, I am still very hungry…" I promise her, trying to get my Ashley back…you know, the one who was giving oral sex to an oyster for my viewing pleasure a few moments ago.

She smiles again, a little more sincerely as she grabs her purse. I start toward the door but turn to find she is not behind me.

No, she is standing in front of two very surprised young women. I cannot hear what she is saying so I move back towards her, straining my ears somewhat.

"So, did you ladies, like want an autograph or something?" she inquires innocently in her best valley-girl impersonation.

On girl cannot speak, and I assume she's the one with all of the parenting knowledge. The other nods slowly, completely dumbfounded, as she pulls Ashley's cd from her purse and removes the cover.

Pulling a pen from her purse, Ashley leans over the table and writes something on the corner. Placing the pen back in her purse, she smiles widely.

"Ladies, have a really good night. Always nice to, like, meet my fans."

And with that, she turns towards me, a look of triumph on her face, that sparkle back in her eyes. I shake my head as I take her hand and we exit the restaurant.

Walking hand-in-hand down the strews of new York, I am torn between finding out what she wrote on Valley Girl #2's cd cover and telling her what a wonderful mother she is to our children. Deciding I am going to broach both subjects, I stop in the middle of the street and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"What did you write to your little fans, babe?" I ask her, the amusement already present on my face because I know my wife and I am sure she is about to tell me something that is going to remind me of how funny I think she is.

"Oh nothing. I just signed her cd cover with 'Ashley Davies, World's Greatest Mom." She looks at me seriously as if that is a common autograph for her young rocker fans.

I laugh out loud at this, as predicted, and pull her lips to mine. Letting this kiss linger a bit, I pull back and smile at her, still amused by her antics. "Not very good PR you know?" I scold her gently.

"I don't need fans like that," she says flatly and I nod in agreement.

"You know you ARE, right?" I continue as I stroke her check with my thumbs.

"What?" She inquires, as if she's forgotten what we were JUST talking about.

"The world's greatest mom. Well, mommy…" I correct myself, smiling lovingly at her.

"Oh yeah, you think so?" she smirks and I nod again, completely seriously and honestly. "Well, thank you, baby. And you are definitely the world's greatest mommy," she replies, just as honestly.

"Thank you, babe. So you're gonna forget all about what those stupid girls said, right?" I implore seriously, almost lecturing her.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure. They don't know what they are talking about," she mumbles.

But I am not convinced.

…

There was a profound change in Ashley after that dinner. And not towards me necessarily, but if affected me nonetheless. There was a pointed shift in her parenting style, and I know exactly what she was doing. I just wish I had known better at the time how to deal with it.

Ashley had always been a bit of a push-over with the kids, and she was certainly maybe a little more of the "cool mommy", she still had limits and an amazing balance between the slightly firm disciplinarian and the total blast she always is.

But after that night, it was if Ashley was terrified that anything she did would cause our children to think she didn't love them. She never said that, but that's how she acted and I know Ashley well enough to know exactly what was going on.

I tried to talk to her about this a few times, but I just didn't try hard enough. In fact, instead of REALLY trying, I let if eat away at me, irritate me and even infuriate me.

Flashback

"Ok, my budding rock star, show me a G." Ashley and Bo are in the living room and she is giving him another guitar lesson. Bo has been wanting to learn for years and Ashley announced a few weeks ago that she thinks he is old enough to finally hold a smaller guitar and play some easy chords.

I hear a shaky G, and then applause as Ashley rewards our son for his practice.

"Yeah…that's it little dude. That's a G!" I hear them smack hands, and have to smile at her enthusiasm and constant encouragement.

Lyla is in bed, which actually is exactly where Bo SHOULD be. I look at the clock and see its nearly 10:00. Trying to stifle the irritation that is rising in my body I make my way into the living room to inform my wife and son that the lesson is over for tonight.

As I walk towards them, I hear Bo excitedly request, "Mommy, play Howse with No Name! Pweeese!?"

Our little man is becoming quite the classic rock connoisseur, much to both of our delight. And boy does he love 'Horse with No Name.' I mean, what 6-year old requests Crosby Stills & Nash over the Jonas Brothers or some shit like that?

"Yeah, good choice my man!" she replies as she begins strumming energetically the intro to his favorite song. I stand and watch for a few minutes, and try to contain my amusement as she hits the chorus and Bo joins in enthusiastically to the only part he really knows the words to.

"You see I went to tha desat on a howse with no name, it felt good to be out of tha wain, cause in tha desat you cant wememeber yo name, cause thewye ain't no one for ta give you no shame, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

He always shouts the La La's and it's actually pretty hilarious.

I allow them to finish their song before interrupting. "Hey, time for bed buddy," I inform him as he turns to look at me with wide, blue eyes.

"But Mama! We was just gonna pwactice my c's," he whines.

"Yeah, Mama, you can't interrupt a jam session, man," Ashley joins.

I look at her disapprovingly. "A…jam…session…MAN?" I repeat, displaying my lack of approval in the way she has chosen to talk to her wife.

"Alright, alright, sorry, but come on, we're just getting warmed up," She continues with the maturity and responsibility of our six-year old son.

"Yeah, Mama, pwease! Just a little longer?!" he begs, his blue eyes becoming even more desperate.

"Son, its over an hour past your bedtime. I've let you stay up plenty late enough." I feel myself getting angry more quickly than I normally would. Especially since he's not exactly misbehaving. Just simply feeding off his Mommy's poor example. More sternly I tell him, "Now get upstairs and brush your teeth. We'll be up to tuck you in in a few minutes."

"Awww, Mama!" he begins to protest again, but I cut him of.

"BO, NOW!" I point at the stairs and my face tells him this conversation is over.

Shaking his head he climbs off the couch and sets his guitar in its little holder next to Ashley's. He looks at Ashley, and I swear he is searching for her to 'back him up.' I feel my cheeks grow red as she shrugs her shoulders at him and rustles his blonde mop.

"Get on up there, dude. We'll be up in a second." She smiles gently at him and shrugs, yes SHRUGS her shoulders again.

He starts up the stairs and she places her guitar in her own holder, and then turns to me, a goofy look on her face.

And that goofy face disappears instantaneously when she sees the un-goofy look on mine.

"Uh…hey babe," she stammers as she starts towards me, clearly unsure as to what might happen next.

"Don't," I tell her flatly as I turn towards the stairs.

"Spence, hey, wait a sec," she pleads as I stop and turn to her. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. It's just that we get into our lessons and.."

"Ashley, you know what, I get it. And I couldn't love more that you and Bo can share the music thing, but here's the problem," I explain, trying to keep my voice down. "First, its not like I don't ever let him stay up and jam with you. I always do, and then he's tired and sometimes we hear about it from his teacher, and it's just getting out of control." My hands a face are a bit animated but I am succeeding in keeping my tone low. "And then I look like the bad guy, Ash. Bo doesn't get that I let him stay up past his bedtime way more often than he should. All he gets is that I am constantly the one telling him when its time to go to bed." I finish and take a deep breath, closing my eyes in exasperation at the realization that the volume of my voice grew exponentially during the end of my speech, and I inwardly curse myself for allowing it to do so.

These are they types of arguments we are lax in with our 'no fighting in front of the kids' rule. So long as we were not screaming, we have been allowing these little scuffles to slide right around that promise we made six years ago…and I hate it.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. But its not like it happens all the time," she argues softly, trying to close the distance between us.

"Yes, it does," I assure her bluntly as I turn up the stairs.

I still need to go tuck my son in and kiss him goodnight, and make sure he doesn't hate me like I think he does during times like these.

"I'm sorry Spence…" I hear her whisper as I reach the top of the stairs and turn the corner.

_I know you are, Ash_, I sigh to myself.


	3. Mickeys and More Misunderstandings

Chapter 2: Mickeys and More Misunderstadings

Ashley's POV

Spencer groans loudly. "ASHLEY!"

"I'm…sooo….sooorrryy.." I assure her as I try to still her.

"I knn...knnow but GOD ASHLEY!" Her voice is shaking and she is stuttering a bit.

I pull my head up from between her legs for a moment and see she has propped her herself up on her elbows, her eyes locking on mine as her hips buck back towards my mouth.

"You are NOT sorry enough," she informs me as I dive back below, eager to continue showing her my remorse for the scene in the living room earlier tonight.

Pushing her knees up higher I slide my tongue through her length again and pick back up my desperate pace…desperate to remind her how much she loves me and how much she loves THIS.

I feel her hips roll into me over and over as I find her swollen clit with my tongue and work my magic. I feel her fall back onto the bed and then feel one hand clamp to the back of my head. Not skipping a beat I begin sucking and circling her with my wet tongue, knowing exactly the stride I need to find to get her there…and over her disapproval of my antics in the living room.

"FUCK…you ARE sorry…" she moans as her hips push up and forward and I feel her body begin to tremble.

"Very…"

Lick.

"Very…

Suck

"Sorrry…"

Moan.

Hip thrust.

Muffled scream.

Shaking legs.

…

I am in the kitchen, making pancakes when she saunters in, hair in disarray, only in the back in a profound knot in the center.

I smile at her as I flip a flapjack, with a large circular center and two smaller circles attached on either side of the top.

My Mickey Mouse pancakes are impressive. And I didn't have to watch the FN to perfect them. No, my son had told me once that Rocco's mommy made Mickey Mouse pancakes, and being the slight competitor I have always been, I spent the next morning and half a box of Bisquick perfecting the art.

"Hey babe…" I start slowly, knowing my apology the night before might not have sealed the deal.

"Hi honey," she whispers through sleepy eyes as she leans in and kisses me quickly on the cheek. "You're getting to be a real pro, Walt," she teases as she leans over the skillet.

"Oh yeah? Well have a seat. These are for the kids but I have something special in store for my baby," I wink at her as she pours a cup of coffee and slides into a chair at the table.

"Where are the munchkins?" She implores, apparently noticing for the first time that they are not in their respective places at the table.

"Well, Bo Bo is playing his DS and I think the Princess is watching The Wiggles," I inform her as I plate the first mouse and pour some more batter onto the skillet, carefully forming the next pancake. "You hungry?"

"A little," she replies as she sips her coffee.

"How you feeling this morning?" I raise an eyebrow at her and she smirks back at me.

"I feel…" she pauses thoughtfully as she continues sipping her coffee slowly. "I feel tired and yet satisfied." She smiles at me as I flip the pancake, chuckling softly.

"Satisfied is good, right?" I ask, the hesitation in my voice apparent.

She laughs softly and nods her head. "Yes, satisfied is always a good thing. But honey, we need to talk about what happened last night…before THAT," she finishes as she tilts her head toward the stairs and our bedroom.

As I begin to moan my protest to where the conversation is going, I hear the patter of four little feet across the kitchen floor.

"Mommy aw ya making Mickeys?" Bo shouts excitedly as I place two plates on the table in front of my children's seats.

"You betcha, buddy," I respond as he takes his place. I scoop Lyla up and set her in her chair next to Spencer. "You want me to cut yours for you, Lyla-Lou?" I ask her after kissing her crazy brown curls.

"No, Mommy, I can do it by mysewf." She informs me, taking her fork in her little hands.

"Ok, ok, missy…but put your napkin in your lap," I instruct her responsibly as I smirk at Spencer.

"Lyla, Bo, you guys want juice or chocolate milk?" Spencer asks as she rises and starts towards the refrigerator.

"Chocolate Milk!" they cry in unison and I shake my head at her.

"You really had to ask?" I tease as she pours them both a glass. Re-taking her seat at the table, she sits back and smiles adoringly at them both as they dig in to their breakfast. Plating her own breakfast, I set it in front of her and stand back, waiting for her reaction.

She looks down at her plate and I see a smile form on her lips. Glancing up at me, she shakes her head. "And what is this?" she implores innocently.

I have set a heart-shaped pancake in front of her. A new one I have been working on, and I have decided this morning was the perfect time to try it out.

"I love you," I tell her simply, and she smiles as she pours syrup over my subtle message.

"I love you, too."

…

"Hey…" I feel her behind me as I am loading the dishwasher. Bo and Lyla are back in the living room, and I can hear Bo strumming on his guitar clumsily. Lyla must be drawing or something. She loves to draw and color and we can hardly get her to do much of anything else.

"Hey," I answer as I turn to face her. Her face is serious and I know what is coming. I have been avoiding the subject all morning but her expression signals me that it is time to finally confront 'the issue."

"Ash I am not trying to nag you, but baby, we have got to get to an understanding here," she continues hesitantly.

"Spencer, we have an understanding, okay? Come ON," I reply, a bit too shortly for her taste, and her soft expression melts into a frown.

"NO, ASH, we don't," she says flatly as she turns and braces herself on the counter next to the stove.

"No, Spence, we DO," I retort, my irritation oozing from my lips. "No more late night jam sessions. I get it." I continue loading the dishwasher, a bit more hastily than before.

"It's not that simple, Ashley," she sighs as she makes her way out of the kitchen, signaling that she is through trying to 'reason' with me.

I hear her talking softly to our children and I sigh to myself.

_Why do I do this? _

It's a rhetorical question and I have no response at this moment in time.


	4. Fire Her

Chapter 4: "Fire Her"

Spencer's POV

"Hey, Bree, can you hand me that lens," I request as I point to the large attachment to my camera. "Yeah, that one…" I nod as she picks it up and hands it to me, smiling at me as I take it from her and begin screwing it on.

"Thanks," I tell her simply as I turn back to the large blue screen. And in front of the screen propped up on a fluffy white pillow on his stomach, staring up at me with huge blue eyes, is the chubbiest baby I think I have ever seen.

I smile widely at him as I position the camera in front of my eye. I am taking baby's first portrait collection, and the proud parents are standing not too far to the side, giggling at every expression he makes. He is in a diaper only and his parents have informed me he is about six months old.

"Charlie…up here," his mom urges him as she walks around to stand next to me. He lifts his chubby head up unsteadily and a smile forms on his lips as his mom makes funny faces at him. I snap the camera quickly over and over, capturing as many 'smiling pictures' as I can before he grows weary and rests his head back sideways on the pillow, still looking in our direction. His dad moves in next to his mom and joins in the cooing and faces, trying to prod him back up.

But I continue snapping picture after picture of his little face, which has become soft and more innocent as he continues staring up at his parents, probably trying to signal to them that he's tired of this.

I move in and get a few close-up's of his face only, which I decide before seeing the proof, are going to be my favorites.

Finally, as Charlie's eyes start to grow heavy and close, I snap a few sleeping shots to finish the collection, and Charlie's mom scoops him up in her arms, his dad then pulling him into a sleeper before returning him to his mom.

'Thanks, Spencer," Audrey tells me sincerely as she props Charlie up so he can rest his head on her shoulders. "Those are going to be amazing, I can already tell!" Her husband nods in agreement as he puts his arm around his wife.

"You are certainly welcome," I reply as I brush Charlie's head softly with my fingertips. "He's a cutie pie so it makes my job a piece of cake," I assure them warmly. They beam at me as I continue. "So I will be emailing you a link with the proofs in about two weeks, and then we can meet to go through them to decide what you want and if I need to do anything special. I can crop and black and white them and all that good stuff," I explain as they continue to nod their heads, intently listening to my explanation.

After they say their goodbyes, they are out the door with their sleeping baby boy in tow. I turn to Bree, who is sitting at a computer, going through some proofs that are ready to be emailed to our client from a 40th Birthday Party for a woman taken a few weeks ago.

"He was a chunk, huh?" she smiles up at me as I begin disassembling the equipment.

I laugh softly, nodding my head in agreement. "Yeah, I thought Bo was a fat baby, but wow…" I widen my eyes at her and she laughs.

I hired Bree about 4 months ago, deciding that although Ben was absolutely an irreplaceable work partner, I really needed an assistant. Bree, like myself, had gone to UCLA and was budding photographer. She actually had worked at another studio, one of those big chains, but responded to my ad. I liked her immediately and her portfolio was impressive. I hired her in the same fashion Ben had hired me all those years ago… on the spot.

Bree was 28 years-old, tall and thin with dark straight hair, a tattoo sleeved arm, and an eyebrow ring. She was pretty but very punk-rocker looking.

I enjoyed working with her. She was laid back and smart and definitely into art and music, so we had tons to talk about. I feel like I have gotten to know Bree pretty well over the past months, and we get along beautifully, though I know little about her personal life other than she lives alone, is newly single and seemingly a little lonely. She's always working, and seeing how I have a family at home and rarely burn the midnight oil, she is always there when I leave at night.

As I finish taking down the backlighting equipment, I turn to see Bree staring intently at me from her chair. I feel an immediate sense of discomfort as I don't recognize the type of look on her face. I nervously pull my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head and secure it with a holder which I always keep around my wrist.

"How are the birthday proofs looking," I ask her casually as she bites her lip nervously and averts her eyes back to the computer screen.

"Good, I think. Here, come take a look," she request and I make my way over to her and stand next to her, leaning over to see the screen. I feel her hand graze mine as she reaches for the mouse.

_Wait, did she do that on purpose?_

_Wait, why would I even think that?_

"So, this one I am not so sure about," she states, pointing at a picture of the birthday girl and her husband dancing in the center of a circle of cheering friends and family. "I mean it's cute, but I think we should like try to blur the people a little and make a sharper focus on the center couple. I think that would be kind of cool…" she looks up at me timidly.

"Yeah…ok, I see what you mean," I respond slowly, letting the idea process. "Ok, see what you can do," I conclude as she beams up at me.

"Thanks, Spencer," she smiles and nods her head slowly.

"For what?" I ask, a little confused by the sentiment.

"You know, for trusting me to run loose on some of these projects. It really means a lot to me that you let me give you input like you do, and I am really learning a lot from you." She almost breathes out the last sentence.

Her look again is a little confusing to me and I stand up and start to move towards my desk. "Well of course, Bree. I hired you for a reason," I tell her formally as I begin gathering my things. Just then my cell phone rings.

_1Ashley_

"Hey, baby," I say into the phone as I search my purse for my car keys.

"Hey, you coming home soon?" She asks, and I hear two little voices arguing in the background.

"Whoa, what's going on there?" I implore as I hear my daughter let out a loud scream and then wailing cries.

"Hey, Bo, get off your sister," I hear her tell him calmly as Lyla's cries grow louder.

"Jesus, Ashley, what did he do to her?" I am concerned at the volume of her cries and a little concerned at Ashley's too-relaxed reaction.

"Oh, nothing…he took her purple crown is all. I think they are just hungry," she assures me. "So are you on your way?"

"Yeah, babe, I am gathering my things up and about to walk out the door," I promise her as I sling my purse over my body. "And Ash, maybe Bo should go to his room. He should not be taking Lyla's things and it sounds like he got rough by the way she's screaming," I continue, my voice rising over Lyla's continued wails.

"Spence, it's ok, I have it under control. Just get home. We miss you and we're hungry," she replies and I feel myself roll my eyes.

"On my way, hon. But go ahead and feed the kids, Ash. If they are hungry don't wait for me."

"Ok, that's fine. I'll wait to eat with you. Love you. Bye." I snap my phone shut and turn to find Bree's eyes on me again, seemingly interested in my conversation with Ashley.

Bree had actually overheard Ashley and I fight on several occasions on the phone since she started working for me, and she usually asked me if I was ok or if I wanted to talk about it afterwards. I rarely ever took her up on it, though on occasion I found myself letting slip a little bit of the issue we were having.

I feel a little guilty about that right now as she asks me, "Everything okay?"

I nod my head and give her a look as if she's crazy for asking. "Yeah, of course, just the little ones are having a little scuffle over the crayolas," I explain dismissively. "So, anyway, I am going to take off. Lock up, okay?" I instruct as I give her a slight wave and start towards the door.

But she stands up, right in front of me, blocking my exit. "Hey, you sure everything is okay," she inquires again as she reaches out and rubs my left arm softly, as if she thinks I need some sort of comforting.

I feel myself tense up a little under her touch, the discomfort that had started when I caught her staring earlier growing with each slide of her hand across my bare arm.

"Yeah, Bree, of course. Everything's fine. Why do you ask," I ask her innocently as I take a small step backwards to try to get out of her reach.

"I don't know, you just seem a little stressed lately, and I've heard you and Ashley fighting and I just want to make sure you are ok." She smiles at me again and takes a step back towards me, closing the distance I had tried to create. "You're just so amazing and I want you to know I am here for you if you need anything," she adds as her both arms reach out and rest on my shoulders.

I feel my body tense up even more as her eyes seemingly search mine…

For permission maybe?

I don't know, but I feel paralyzed and my lips cannot seem to form words. As I open my mouth again to assure her I am fine and need to go, I see her lean down and towards my mouth.

"Bree!" I cry out as I jump back and out of her grasp. "What are you doing?" I take another step back and shake my head at her, confused yet again by what has transpired and a little shocked that I didn't see it coming.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to comfort you." A slight touch of horror has overtaken her face as she steps back as well, continuing to widen the distance between us. "I think I…I mean…I'm just kind of…" She is babbling incoherently at this point and I really just want to get out of here and home to my family.

"Look, I don't know if you got some sort of mixed signal from me, Bree, but I am married. You know that." I state this clearly as she nods her head, her face pointed to the floor. "So I am going to go, now, and I'll just see you Monday."

I have no idea what else to say.

I turn to leave and decide not to look back as I exit the studio and make my way to my car. Climbing in, I pull my phone out as I start the engine and send a quick text.

_Be home soon. I love you. _

Pulling out of the parking lot, I turn the radio off and lose myself in confused and confounded thought.

_I mean, what was she thinking? Bree has met Ashley several times over the past four months. And I had NEVER gotten any vibe that she had a thing for me. _

_I mean, yeah she compliments me like crazy, mostly about my photography. But yes, ok so sometimes about my clothes, or my hairs, and I guess once or twice my eyes. But she's just really friendly and open, right?_

_And yeah, I have caught her staring at me a few times, but I guess I stare at people sometimes without realizing it. _

_And ok, she does seem a little too interested in Ashley and my marriage. I guess she has asked me some kind of personal questions, but we were getting to know each other and its cool she's so open about Ash and my relationship, right?_

_And yes, she does ask about our fights after I get off the phone, which is probably not her business, but I mean she's in the same proximity and I guess it would be weird for her to ignore it all together right?_

Turning down the street to our house, I feel myself run out of excuses for the signals I apparently have been missing, and then feel my stomach drop a bit.

_Oh, shit. What am I going to do?_

_And what am I going to tell Ashley?_

As I pull my car into our driveway, my thoughts trail back again to Bree's touches and her almost kiss.

I didn't feel a damn thing.

No goosebumps, no quickened heart beat, no loss of breath. None of the things I still feel every time Ashley's fingertips are even in the motion starting towards touching me.

Nothing.

And I cannot help but smile at this realization, knowing no matter what I decide to tell Ashley, it's going to be ok.

…

"Hey babe," I hear her call from the living room as I walk through the front door. I place my purse and keys on the counter and move towards the voices coming from around the corner.

"Mama!" Lyla looks up from her coloring book to see me smiling down at her before pushing herself up from floor and running towards me.

"Well hi to you, too, baby girl," I tell her lovingly as I pick her up and kiss her tenderly on the top of her curly head. "Whatcha been doing?" I ask her with wide eyes as I catch Ashley's, her throwing me a warm smile and a wink.

"Well, I was colowin you a picsuwe and Bo Bo took my pupewl crawon Mama," she informs me, her big brown eyes growing dramatically sad.

I am starting at the absolute reincarnation of my wife, and I have to stifle a laugh as to not hurt my daughter's feelings.

"Yes, Mommy told me that, baby girl," I tell her comfortingly. I look over to see my son staring up at me, his face displaying a slight nervousness as he waits for my reaction to Lyla's news.

Setting her down gently I make my way over and sit on the couch next to him. "Bo, did you take Lyla's crayons?" I ask him seriously and a little sternly.

"Well, Mama, she has so many mow crawons than me. It's not FAIW!" he informs me, his big blue eyes matching the pout on his lips.

"Hey mister, you have plenty of crayons, and markers," I remind him. "And your sissy is littler than you and you should be protecting her, not taking her stuff," I continue, holding his stare. His face drops a little and he nods his head slowly.

"I'm sowwy, Lyla, fo taking ya crawon," he tells her sweetly, and I feel my heart skip a little beat.

I didn't even have to tell him to apologize.

"Thank you, son. That was very nice of you," I assure him warmly as I take his face in my hands and kiss his head. "I missed you today," I conclude, making sure he knows that even though I had to scold him a bit, I do love him very much.

"I missed you," I hear a soft voice tell me from the other side of the couch. Turning to her, I am met with a soft smile and twinkling brown eyes.

Smiling back, I slide over to her, taking her face in my hands. I feel my stomach drop again as I remember the incident back at the studio with Bree.

I have to tell her about it, and the lesson I learned with Jonica and the wedding confirms this initial instinct, but not now. I will tell her later when the kids are in bed.

I kiss her softly and feel her smile against me. "I missed you too, baby."

…

"Mmmmmm…" she moans against my mouth as she stills her naked, damp body against my own. Pulling her head up a bit she smiles down at me. "Mommy likes it when Mama goes to bed without any dinner," she teases, clearly happy we decided to skip eating since the kids were fed and we were both…well I thought…tired.

I chuckle beneath her as she begins peppering my face and neck with wet kisses before sliding off of by body and resting next to me, keeping her arm firm across my stomach.

"You know, it's a little off-putting when you talk like that after we've just got done screwing," I tease her.

"Spencer, SCREWING!" she exclaims, feigning shock and disapproval. "Baby, I only make sweet love to you," she insists.

"Honey, I know love making, and that…THAT was screwing," I assure her as she burst into laughter. "And either way, calling me Mama after you've had your entire hand inside me feels wrong," I conclude as she laughs harder.

"What, the Mama part or the entire hand part?" she asks as if she really does not know the answer.

"I think you know the answer to that question," I sigh, recalling the things she had just done to me in absolute amazement.

"Ok, good, cause that is one thing I don't want you to change your mind about liking," she smirks as she strokes my stomach slowly. "So how was your day, baby?"

_Uggghhh…that's a pretty good opening to what I need to tell her. _

"Well, it was okay…" I begin hesitantly. "I did have a shoot for this adorable little boy, like six months old, and I swear, Ash, he made Bo Bo look malnourished," I describe to her, chuckling softly.

"Oh wow, little Sumo baby, eh?" she responds, looking amused as she props up onto one hand, signaling she's interested in hearing more about my day.

"Yeah, total rolly polly, but sooo cute…" I reply. "Kind of made my clock tick a little," I tease as her eyes widen.

"Oh God, here we go again," she groans through rolled eyes.

Ashley and I have considered a third, and clearly have not come to a conclusion on the decision.

"Anyway, Ash…there's something I kind of want to talk to you about…" I continue, feeling the knots twist up in my stomach.

Clearly sensing my hesitation, she picks back up on her gentle strokes across my stomach.

"What is it, Spence?" She urges me to continue with a soft smile and a nod of her head.

"Well, okay…so today after work…"

…

"Fire Her."

She is on her feet pacing back and forth across our room, her body shaking slightly and her fists clenched in two tight balls at her sides.

"Ashley, calm down for a second," I rise from the bed and start towards her, reaching my arms out to try to still her.

"FIRE HER!' She whips around and her furious eyes find mine.

_Oh God, she's pissed._

"Ashley, honey, you have to calm down so we can talk about this rationally." I have her by the arms and am trying to pull her back towards the bed.

She yanks her arms from my grasp and grabs her robe from the hook behind the bathroom door. Sliding it on, it takes her a little while to tie it as her hands are still shaking violently.

"Baby…" I try again, calmly, not ready to agree to her demands just yet.

"Spencer," she says flatly as she opens our bedroom door. Turning towards me, she brings her hands up and cups them over her mouth for a second, and then takes a deep breath, looking at me long and hard one more time before walking through our door.

"Fire her."


	5. Listen to Her

Chapter 5: Listen to Her

Ashley's POV

"Ugghhh…"

I feel the sun pouring through the bay windows overlooking the beach. My back hurts and my neck is stiff from a night on the couch. Though it's not an overly uncomfortable couch…so I assume my sleep was tense and restless.

Actually I know it was.

I kick the sheet off my body and cover my face with my arm. Turning on my back I stretch my legs out and wonder what time it is and why I don't hear my children yet. Just then I feel the couch shift a bit as a warm body leans down over me. My shirt is pulled up a bit and I feel soft fingertips caress my bare stomach.

_I m i s s e d y o u l a s t n i g h t_

I pull my arm from off my eyes and look up to find Spencer sitting in front of me on the couch, hovering over me, her big blue eyes red and swollen.

"Hey, what time is it?" I push myself up onto my elbows and rub my forehead.

"It's about 6:45," she whispers as she continues caressing my stomach, her sad eyes searching mine for some sort of sign I suppose. "You slept on the couch…" she continues, the sadness in her voice matching the look in her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess I passed out," I explain as I sit up completely and pull my legs to my chest.

She nods slowly and continues staring at me, waiting for me to say more as she pulls my legs over her lap and scoots in next to me. She hesitantly brings her hand up to my face and begins running her fingers over my cheek and then back through my tangly curls.

I close my eyes tightly, reveling in how good her touch feels, and wanting to get over the anger I feel from her revelation about Bree last night.

But I realize in this moment I am not really angry. No, I'm sick to my stomach and jealous and just unsettled over all.

But I love my wife, and as upset as I am about this, I just want to feel her for a little while before the children stir from their sleep and take our attention from each other.

I pull her into my arms and feel her rest her head into the crook of my neck. I rub my arms firmly up and down her back as I feel her relax into me and let out a long slow breath.

"Baby, I'm sorry…" she breathes into my neck and I nod, signaling to her that for now, in this moment, while we are wrapped up tightly in one another, it's okay.

Pulling her face up with both of my hands, I rest my lips softly against hers and feel her sink deeper into me. Our lips begin moving slowly against one another and our bodies meld together naturally. Pulling my face back for a second, I look deeply into her eyes.

"Honey, I am sorry I slept on the couch. I don't like sleeping away from you when I can help it," I assure her as I see tears well up in her huge blue eyes.

"I don't either baby. I was miserable," she barely chokes out, and I pull her lips to mine again, this time with more urgency. Her hands slide up my face into my hair and I feel her passion and urgency requited.

Pulling back she takes my hand and pulls me up from the couch and straight to the stairs. I follow her up and we make out way to our bedroom. I close the door behind me and turn to see her scooting back on the bed, her still swollen eyes filled with a new fire that had been absent when I first found them staring down at me on the couch.

I make my way to the bed and slide over her, resting my weight down onto her as I find her lips again. She brings her hands around me and pulls me down tighter as we begin to move against one another.

"I love you," I murmur as she pulls my tank top off my body and I quickly discard her of her own.

"I love you too," she whispers as I kick my shorts off and she frantically yanks her own off and casts them aside. I rest back down onto her and scissor her thighs, finding her center with my own, and her hear groan loudly as I slide up and down against her, pulling her closer and closer to me.

I pull her arms above her head and burry my face in her neck, kissing and sucking the spot under her ear, feeling her hips slide up and down against my own.

Her hands are gripping the small of my back tightly and I slide my hands around the back of her torso, pulling her to me as my tongue finds hers and we greedily taste every inch of each other's mouths.

Sliding on arm down I pull her knee up and grip under her thigh, pushing myself deeper into her. I feel hot tears against my face and I kiss all over her cheeks and wipe them away with my lips.

Pushing myself up a bit so I can look her in the eyes, I tighten my hold under her thigh and her hands slide down to grasp my tense ass as she pulls me desperately into her.

"Baby…" she groans as she squeezes her eyes shut. I move harder and more quickly into her, feeling her warmth envelop me as our bodies slide against each other, frantically moving towards explosion.

"Look at me," I command gently and she opens her eyes, locks them on mine, and rolls her hips firmly into me. I nod my head, keeping my eyes fixed on hers as our bodies begin to tremble, all of the love and passion we are feeling at that moment surging to our lower bodies as we erupt together over and over until I can no longer hold myself up or keep my movement against her own.

Falling onto her, my head collapses onto her shoulder as I pull her tightly into my arms and feel her arms return my embrace. Lying in each other's arms, nothing needs to be said. I feel her warm lips on my cheek, resting there as she begins slowing rubbing my sweaty back. I pull the covers up over us and curl up deeper into each other, and sleep finds us for a short while.

…

"Mama, Mommy," I hear a little voice calling to us from the foot of our bed.

Thank God I covered us up.

Keeping the comforter pulled tightly to my neck I sit up a little.

"Hey Bubba, whatcha doin?" I ask our son gently as I feel Spencer stir next to me.

"Mommy, can I watch cawtoons?" he asks, his big blue eyes displaying hesitation.

_Did he hear us fighting last night? _

I feel my stomach sink a bit. "Of course, buddy. Can you go get your sissy up and I will help you turn the TV on and then make you some breakfast?" I feel Spencer start to sit up and I gently push her back down, reminding her of our current attire.

"Ok, Mommy. I'll get Lyla. Will you and Mama watch Scooby wif us?" he asks hopefully.

"Sure thing, Bubs. We'll be right down," I promise him. He smiles and disappears through the door.

"Hey, easy tiger," I tease as I lean into her and kiss her softly on her forehead. "You wanna scar our son for life?" I wink at her as she chuckles softly.

"Yeah, we kind of need to remember to re-dress when the munchkins are around, huh?" she smirks up at me and I kiss her firmly on her lips.

Smiling lazily, she pulls herself up and begins searching for clothing. I hand her the tank top that is hanging on the bed post and she slides out of the bed and finds her shorts on the floor. Pulling them on she hands me my own and I pull them over my legs. Rising from the bed, I pull a t shirt from our dresser and slide it over my body.

Turning to face her, I pull her into my arms again. "Hey…" I start slowly and she brings her eyes to meet my serious stare. "We need to talk about this some more."

She nods in agreement and her eyes fall to the floor sadly. I bring my hand to her chin and pull her face back up to mine again. "But first, let's get our babies some Scooby Snacks." I give her a wide grin and she laughs and shakes her head.

And we make our way down the stairs to our patiently waiting children.

…

As Spencer is cleaning up the morning mess, I grab my cell phone from my purse and find my mom's number. Giving Spencer a quick smile, I walk out onto the deck.

"Ashley, dear, good morning," she greets me cheerily, her voice sounding a little breathless.

"Hey, Mom. Is this a bad time?"

"No, honey, not at all. I am just getting back from a walk. How are my grandchildren?" she inquires excitedly, and I smile, knowing I have made the right choice.

"They're good. They're watching cartoons," I inform her and I hear her chuckle. "Actually, Mom, I was wondering if you wanted to come pick them up and spend the day with them," I continue, knowing what her answer will be.

"OF COURSE!" she exclaims and I roll my eyes. "Oh, that would be wonderful!"

She continues babbling about what she can do with them and I feel relief wash over me. Spencer and I need some alone time and I know Bo and Lyla will be thrilled to go over to Grandma's 'palace' for the day.

"Mom, that would be so great. Spence and I need a little time today," I tell her softly.

"Honey, is everything okay," she asks, and I hear the concern in her voice.

"Yeah, Mom, everything is fine. We are just kind of tired and it would be nice to get some things done around here, you know?" I assure her, deciding she does not need to be worried.

"Ok, Ashley. Give me an hour and I will be over."

"Ok, thanks Mom. We'll get some stuff packed and have them ready to go. I really do appreciate this," I tell her gratefully.

"Honey, you don't have to thank me. I am just thrilled!"

I hang up the phone and walk back into the house. Spencer is cuddled up on the couch with Lyla on her lap and Bo leaning next to her.

"Hey you two, guess who's coming to pick you up?" I slide down onto the couch and look at them with wide eyes.

"Ummm…I don't know…" Bo replies as he averts his eyes from the TV and looks up at me, waiting for me to tell him the answer.

"Graaandmaaa…" I inform him as I lance back and forth between he and Lyla's faces, watching the excitement form on them both.

"Gwandma!" they chirp in unison. Bo claps his hands and Lyla parrots him.

"That's right! You get to go play at Grandma's, and she even said she might take you to get ice cream if you are good for her," I tease them, knowing my children are perfect guests in any house, save our own from time to time.

"Ice cweam?" Lyla cries, as in disbelief, and I laugh as I find Spencer's eyes.

"Yep, that's what she told me. So go upstairs and pick out what you want to wear. We'll be up to help you get your stuff together," I promise them as the hop up from the couch and race up the stairs.

"Is that okay?" I ask Spencer timidly as I find her nervous stare.

"Yeah, of course it is," she assures me, knowing it means we will be alone to talk about the Bree thing in a short while. I nod my head at her, assuring her it's a good thing, before rising to go get the kids ready to go.

"Hey," I hear her call as I am half way up the stairs. I turn to see her standing at the bottom, looking up at me. "You need any help?"

"No, honey, we'll be down in a minute," I inform her and she nods and sinks back down onto the couch.

…

An hour later, my Mom has whisked the children off and we are standing alone in the kitchen. I pour us both a cup of coffee and suggest we go sit on the back deck. She follows me through the sliding glass door and we each take a seat at the table across from each other.

"God, it's a beautiful day," I observe as I lean back and sip my coffee slowly.

"It is," she agrees distantly.

"Hey…" I begin and she looks at me, the hesitation spreading all over her face. "I'm not going to yell and scream if that's what you are worried about," I promise her and I see her face relax some.

"I know, babe. I just don't know what to say to you about this," she tells me honestly and I nod my head.

"Spence, look…I know you've been swamped at work and I know you've needed help for a long time now, but I am just not comfortable with Bree working there anymore," I inform her, keeping my voice calm and even in an effort to keep my promise to her.

"Ashley, nothing happened. I don't know if she got mixed signals or what. I mean, it took me by complete surprise, and I never gave her even the slightest impression that I would be interested in…that…" she whispers, her eyes closing tightly, and her head shaking as if the thought really disturbs her.

"Hey, I trust you, baby. I just no longer trust her. It's that simple," I announce, perhaps with a little too much finality, and I see her look up at me, a slightly offended look on her face, as if she missed the whole point of what I had just said.

"Ashley, how do you think I feel when you go on tour, and I have to live every day with the realization that guys and girls are gawking at you, throwing themselves at you on a daily basis?" she responds defensively.

"Spence, it's not the same," I retort, my irritation growing at her illogical comparison. "That's the nature of the business, and you know it. It's not the same as you working side by side with someone everyday, just the two of you, and knowing that that someone else hit on you." I lean forward and look seriously at her, feeling angry that she apparently does not see the distinct difference in the scenarios.

"Ashley, the feelings are the same. The insecurities, the jealousy…" her voice is shaking a bit, and I feel a little blind-sided that she would throw my career in my face in this manner.

Spencer knows that when I am on the road, I am doing a job, and that there has never been anyone in all of these years that could make me consider for even a moment betraying everything I have built with her to give into the temptations of the road.

"Spencer, as much as I am offended at where this might be going, in the end, I don't really think there is much to debate here. You cannot continue working with that girl after the stunt she pulled," I shout as I slam my hand down onto the table.

I see her jump a bit at my harsh gesture and fury fills her eyes. "Ashley, are you making a demand on me?" she shouts back and begins to rise from her seat. "Because I am an adult and I can handle this like an adult. But you telling me what I HAVE to do is not helping this situation!" She is now pacing back and forth across the deck and I feel my own anger growing at the thought that she would even consider continuing Bree's employment.

"Spencer, its not a demand so much as its your wife asking you to do the right thing!" I yell, and I am on my feet moving quickly towards her.

She halts her pacing and turns to face me, her body shaking violently, and I feel myself freeze.

"Ashley, I am so slammed and you know how much I need her help right now. I can handle this in a way that does not have to result in absolute misery for me. Why are you doing this?" she practically screams and I feel the wind being sucked out of my lungs.

"Spencer, PLEASE!" I cry as I feel my anger turning to begging, which, well…angers me. "I cannot handle the thought of it. Not for one day!" I inform her desperately as she starts towards the house. "Where are you going?" I cry as I begin to follow after her.

"Away from you and this crazy irrationality!" she retorts as she yanks the slider open and steps inside.

"We are not done with this conversation!" I yell as I step in behind her, pulling the door closed. "Spencer!"

"You are wrong, Ashley. We ARE done with this conversation," she informs me coldly.

I feel tears welling up in my eyes as she continues walking across the dining room to the kitchen.

Why can't she see how horrible this is making me feel? Why can't she remember how forgiving I was this morning, and how hard I tried to get us into a situation where we could talk rationally and figure this out together? This is not like her, and I know if the tables were turned, she's feel the same way about what has to happen.

"Spencer…" I continue, my voice lowering a bit as the tears overcome me.

She turns slowly to see me standing in the middle of the room, tears falling quickly down my face. I see her face soften a little.

She hates it when I cry.

"Ashley, honey, I am sorry, but it's just not that simple. I cannot fire her so abruptly," she begins to explain as she moves back towards me. "First of all, I am so swamped and unless I have a replacement like today, I won't be able to keep up," she informs me, her eyes almost pleading with me. "And second, I think we've both realized that we don't know Bree as well as I thought we did. What if she retaliates?" Her voice is almost panicky and I start to feel a little guilty that I was unable to identify the problems that could be associated with this course of action.

Holding my hands out to her, I urge her to take them as tears overcome her as well.

"Baby, I will protect you. You don't have to worry about anything. We will get through this, but somehow, in some way, she has to go, Spencer," I whisper, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

"Ash, I love you but I don't need you to protect me. I need you to trust me and support me and I need you to know that you, this, our home, our kids, they are first." She is crying steadily now, and my heart is breaking a little as I feel her weaken in my grasp. "But I cannot do it alone…work…I cannot do it alone, and I think I am scared…" She collapses into me at this confession and I pull her tightly to me, trying to calm her with my loving embrace.

And now I just feel more unsure and confused. The thought of Bree spending a second alone with my wife…well it makes my morning sickness with Bo seem like a walk in the park compared to how I am feeling now. But the thought that she is scared and overwhelmed and confused…it just makes me want to make it all better.

And I have no idea what that means.


	6. Bear Hugs & The Cubs

Chapter 6: Bear Hugs & The Cubs

Spencer's POV

It's Sunday night, and the four of us are snuggled up on the couch watching _Up_. Lyla is sleeping in Ashley's arms and Bo is sitting straight up in my lap, watching intently as the rickety old house soars across the sky, held by hundreds of bright colored balloons.

"Mama, can we tie bawoons to ouw howse and float out ova tha ocean?" he asks innocently, as if this crazy phenomenon could actually happen.

I laugh and glance over at my wife, who is looking down at our son with amused eyes as she strokes Lyla's curls gently. Her eyes raise to mine, the amusement growing as she waits to see how I will respond to this little suggestion.

"Well, Bubba, what happens after we float out over the ocean? I mean, don't you think you will miss the beach and school and your friends?" I inquire, hoping this will close the difficult conversation.

"Well, Mama, we could just fwoat awound fow a while and then come back home, wight?" he continues, his eyes still glued on the multi-colored flying machine on the screen.

Ashley nods her head at me as if this is a real possibility, her eyes narrowing as if contemplating how to make this work, and I roll my eyes at her as I snuggle our son into me.

"How about this, Bo. I really like our house where it is and I am afraid if we take a trip out to the ocean, when we get back, some other flying house would have come along and stolen our spot," I explain seriously as I kiss his blond mop. "So what if you and Lyla and Mommy and me take a ride in a hot air balloon sometime instead?" I suggest.

He whips his head around and his huge eyes grow wider with excitement. "Weally, Mama, can we?" he exclaims, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Well, Mommy, what do you think?" I ask my wife who is now staring at me in adoration.

"I think that sounds like a perfect plan, Bo Bo," she informs him with a warm smile. "Hey, I think I am going to put this little girl to bed," she whispers as she readjusts Lyla in her arms and pulls herself from the couch. She leans down towards me so I can kiss our daughter goodnight. Bo leans up and kisses her sister on the top of her head.

"Ni-night Wywa," he tells her sweetly and Ashley and I meet in a prideful gaze.

"Son, it's almost your bedtime," she tells him as his attention focuses back on the movie.

"Mommy, the movie's not ova," he informs her. I glance up at her, waiting for her response.

"I know son, but it's a school night," she reminds him as she makes her way up the stairs with our little sleeping princess hugged tightly to her chest.

"But MOMMY," he protests, mimicking his Mama's signature pout.

_Yep, taught him well…_

She doesn't respond and I decide to simply let it play out when she returns. I lean back into the couch and pull my son back to me, trying to focus on the movie, but realizing quickly my thoughts are elsewhere.

I have to go to work tomorrow. I have to face Bree and I still have not decided what I am going to do about the situation. Even though I assured Ashley that I would handle it, I honestly have no plan. The familiar knots are trying up in my stomach as I close my eyes for a moment.

Feeling the couch sink a bit, I am pulled by one arm into my wife's side. She hasn't turned the movie off or continued her attempts to get our son to bed, and I feel a little disappointed, though I cannot help but relax into her.

The movie comes to an end, and I realize I have missed most of it. I feel Ashley's arms slip from around me as she stands up. "Ok Bo, it's bedtime," she announces and I hear him start to protest.

"Aw, Mommy, can't we pway some guitaw fo a wittle bit?" I glance up at her and see her bite her lip, probably really wanting to give into him. Finding my slightly impatient glare, she shakes her head at him.

"No, son, I told you, it's a school night," she reminds him for a second time and I push him off my lap gently. He lands on the floor and crosses his arms, looking back at me as if I might actually support his requests.

I simply pull him into a warm hug and kiss his forehead, not allowing myself to make any insistence, and testing Ashley's resolve a bit.

"Come on, Bo. Get your teeth brushed and Mama and I will tuck you in," she promises him as she bends down and kisses his head.

He turns on his heel, grumbling to himself as he makes his way up the stairs. She looks down at me, holding her hand to help me up, and nervous smile on her lips.

I take her hand and allow her to pull me up into her arms. Glancing at the clock, I see it's after 9:30, and try to stifle my irritation at the fact that Bo has missed his bedtime again.

She pulls me into a long, gentle hug and I wrap my arms firmly around her back, letting her hold me for a few minutes, exhaustion suddenly coming over my whole body, but my worried mind still racing a bit.

Pulling back, she clasps one of my hands into her own and we head off to kiss our son goodnight again. I sense her tension a bit, knowing she is probably thinking about tomorrow as well.

…

"So, I was thinking," she begins softly as she slides into our bed and props herself up on her pillow against the head board. She slowly pulls me so that I am laying on her chest and begins lightly stoking her fingers through my hair.

I close my eyes, silently dreading what might be coming next.

"I leave for Chicago on Thursday night for the next leg of the tour, right?" she asks rhetorically and I nod against her chest, a little unsure as to where she is going with this.

"So, what do you think about flying out with the kids. I am there through Sunday because there are two shows in Chicago, and I don't have to be in Indianapolis until Sunday night," she continues, her strokes against my scalp starting to make me tingle all over. "And Bo would love to see a baseball game, and the Cubs are at home that weekend," she informs me, breaking just long enough to lean down and kiss my temple.

I sigh loudly, and sit up so that I can look at her. I feel a twinge of guilt at what I am about to say. "Babe, it sounds like a really fun idea, but I have a wedding next weekend," I remind her, a bit sadly, but more nervously that my reason for not being able to go involves work.

And work involves Bree.

And we haven't mentioned Bree since Saturday morning when the kids were at Christine's.

"Oh…" she responds, her voice becoming painfully quiet. "Ok, it was just a thought…" Her voice trails off a bit and her eyes leave mine and rest on our bedroom television, though I can tell she's not really watching it.

"But Ash, I guess the kids could go with you on Thursday. We could see if Mary could come along," I suggest.

Mary is a part-time nanny we have used in the past. Between the two of us and our parents, we rarely have had the need to actually use her, but she's come in handy on a few occasions when we needed a little help.

"Or…" I continue, seeing the apparent disapproval on her face at this suggestion. "I mean, you could see if Glen could get Friday off and he could bring Rocco and Regan and watch Lyla and Bo while you work. Or if not, Chelsey could come, or maybe even both of them," I continue, not wanting my work to ruin her previous excitement over taking the kids on a trip and to a ballgame.

"Yeah, sure, I will call Chelsey tomorrow," she replies distantly, and my heart drops.

I would love nothing more than to take the kids to be with Ashley, and we've had some amazing times in Chicago, just the two of us. It would be fun to show our children the Planetarium and Shed's Aquarium, and Bo would absolutely go crazy at a Cub's game.

"Hey," I coax her slowly to me as I wrap my arms back around her, pulling her cheek against my lips. "I'm sorry, honey. We'll do it again when I don't have to work, okay?" I promise her between soft, feathery kisses to her cheek and neck. "But you should try to make it work anyway with the kids if you can," I conclude as I pull her chin slowly so that she is forced to look at me.

He sad eyes lock on mine, and I tilt my head to the side, apologizing again with my own equally sad eyes.

"What are you going to do about tomorrow?" she asks flatly, abruptly changing the subject. Her eyes are still sad and distant, and I curse myself for not being able to just say yes to her vacation suggestion, my inability to do just that opening myself up to this new topic of conversation.

"Baby, can we not go there right now? We are both tired, and I still have a lot of thinking to do. I don't want you to worry about this right now," I tell her, my voice soft but firm.

I see distance melt to worry and it brings my stress level back up.

"Hey, I love you baby. You know that," I assure her as I lean in to kiss her frowning lips. I feel her return the kiss and we sink down into the bed and into each other's arms.

…

It's Wednesday night, and Ashley and I are helping the kids pack for their Chicago adventure.

The week was so awkward. I had mostly avoided Bree, promising myself that when things slowed down a bit, I would address the problem with her, and that if her solution was not satisfactory, I would tell her she should start looking around. She left another job to come work for me and I did not want her on the streets. Plus that would give me time to find a suitable replacement.

I had explained this to Ashley a few times throughout the week and she clearly did not approve of my plan, but kept stoic and quiet about it.

_Too quiet. _

And Bo and Lyla have been a bit crazy since we told them about their trip with their Mommy, Uncle Glen, Rocco and Regan to Chicago. We waited until Tuesday night to tell them, but since we were pulling them out of school on Friday, we were sure it would come up so we had to clue them in as to avoid chaos for their teachers. Lyla is in pre-school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Bo is in 1st grade, so we have to work around school for both of them at this stage.

_And man, is this packing escapade bittersweet. _

I was so happy for my excited children, but equally sad to think about them going without me.

And honestly a bit amused picturing my brother and my wife lugging four kids through the streets of Chicago for four days.

_I wish I could be a fly on the wall…_

_No, actually I just wish I could be there. _

After little suitcases are perfectly packed, my doing of course, we tuck the kids in. I lean down to kiss my giddy daughter goodnight as Ashley, who has already loved her up, stands in the doorway.

"I'll miss you, baby girl," I tell her honestly as I kiss her forehead over and over. "You have so much fun with Mommy and Bo Bo, and Uncle Glen and your cousins!" I tell her, tickled as her excitement grows with each name I rattle off.

"Mama, why isn't you comin wif us?" she implores innocently and I feel the string she has attached to my heart tug softly.

"Lyla, I told you, Mama has to work. But I will be here when you get back and you can tell me all about it," I assure her. "And Mommy is gonna make sure you call me every day, ok sweetheart?" I conclude, feeling a lump form in the back of my throat.

I swallow hard as she nods her perfect little miniature Ashley head, trying to show me she understands. "Sweet dreams, my little angel," I whisper, kissing her again on her curly brown locks. "Mama loves you."

We make our way into Bo's room to find him sitting cross-legged on his bed with his baseball mitt over his little hand. I laugh softly as I take a seat next to him. "I thought we packed that already," I remind him gently as I rustle his long, blonde locks.

Ashley insisted we grow his hair long, since he's our little rock star. But I have to admit, it's so Bo.

"Sowwy, Mama," he apologizes sweetly and smiles up at me, his blue eyes filled with the anticipation of sitting in Wrigley Field, waiting to catch a fly ball like his uncle described to him on the phone earlier tonight.

"Hey, it's okay Buddy. I just don't want you to forget it," I assure him as I take the glove gently from him. "I'm gonna put it back in your suitcase so it's there when you leave tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Mama, that's a good idea," he announces in agreement. I hand the glove to Ashley who has moved in behind me and she returns it to his suitcase.

"You excited or what?" I ask him, forcing excitement a little as he crawls under his covers. Not that I am not thrilled for my son to have this experience, I just…

Well, you get it.

"Yeah, Mama. Uncle Glen says that basebaw is Amewica's nashunul pastime," he informs me as if he actually has a clue what he just said.

I hear Ashley chuckle from behind me and I stifle my own laughter. "Yep, it sure is and you are gonna have so much fun, Bubs," I promise him as I give him as many kisses as I did his little sister a few moments ago. "Give me a big bear hug" I request, and he wraps his little arms around my neck and I nuzzle into him. Pulling back, he rests back down into his little bed. "Now you get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow," I remind him, knowing full well he's too excited to get any valuable sleep. "I love you, son, and I will see you in the morning before I leave for work, okay?"

"Ok, Mama. I wuv you too," he replies and I smile and kiss him again.

"Night Bud. See you in the morning," Ashley tells him with a kiss and a wink.

We move to our room and Ashley finishes packing for the tour as I watch her intently from the bed.

I am going to miss her so much I can hardly bear it.

She catches my stare and smiles softly. "It's only for a few days. They'll be home on Sunday," she assures me softly as she zips her suitcase closes and places it next to the door to our room.

"I know…" I sigh as she climbs in next to me. "But you know, it's you, baby, I'm kind of going to miss the most," I confess as if this makes me a bad mother. "I'm sorry I can't come with you guys," I tell her for the 40th time today alone.

"Baby, it's okay. I wish you were coming too. I am definitely getting the shaft on the Carlin siblings on this one," she smirks and I laugh out loud knowing she and Glen are really going to have a hilarious time.

Just then my cell phone rings. I reach over to the night stand and pick it up. It's Chelsey.

"Hey girl," I greet her warmly. "Your troops all ready to go?"

"Oh yes. It's been a long night," she groans and I feel her pain.

"Yeah, I am pretty sure Bo is digging into his suitcase as we speak to check his glove out one more time," I joke and hear her laugh, all to knowingly.

"You're sad you're not going, huh?" I can sense that my sister-in-law feels the same way I do about this trip.

"Yeah…I am. You?" I look up to see Ashley watching me intently, a soft smile forming on her lips as she begins stroking my hair.

"Oh yeah, of course. I mean, I won't lie, a little peace and quiet won't suck, but they are going to have fun, aren't they?" I hear the amusement in her voice and I am sure she is playing out our respective spouses playing house for the weekend like I have so many times since Glen announced he was able to get Friday off work to go.

"Yeah, I just hope they don't kill one another before the trip is over," I kid as Ashley looks at me with feign shock. "I kinda like mine," I conclude and they both laugh at the sentiment.

"Yeah, I am a little fond of mine for the most part," she kids back. "So how about you and I have dinner on Friday. Come over after work and I will cook," she suggests.

"Sounds great, Chels. And if the wedding doesn't go too late I will meet you at that art exhibition Saturday night. I'd love to maybe look for something for our dining room," I continue.

I am watching Ashley, and a little to my dismay, I see relief wash over her as I continue booking all of my free time for the weekend with plans with Chelsey.

_What did she think I would be doing?_

"That would be great. We can grab a drink afterwards. In fact, even if you cannot make it to the gallery, let's meet up and have a girl's night," she suggests.

"Sounds perfect. I will call you Friday when I leave the studio," I conclude. We say our goodbyes and I place my phone back on the nightstand.

"You're gonna spend the weekend with Chels, huh?" Ashley asks innocently as she pulls me into her arms. I feel relaxation take over her for the first time all week, and though I am happy to feel her like this, I am a little dismayed that I would have to have an alibi all weekend to set her mind at ease.

These exact thoughts are making their way to the tip of my tongue but I decide to bite it instead.

"Yeah, babe. We're gonna have a little girl's weekend it appears," I assure her as she sinks down further into the bed.

"That sounds good," she murmurs as she slides her body over mine and I feel her fingers grazing the bottom of my tank top. "But first, I think I want a little girl time myself," she whispers in my ear as her fingers trace up my stomach and cup my left breast firmly.

Moaning throatily I capture her lips in mine.

Making love to my wife is exactly what I should be doing the night before she leaves for a far too extended period of time.

And that's exactly what I do.


	7. Don't Write Checks

Chapter 7: Don't Write Checks…

Ashley's POV

"Glen, a little help here?"

I have three suitcases, two back-packs, and four year-old in my arms, and a six year-old loosening from my grip as he is frantically trying to keep up with his uncle and cousins.

Glen, on the other hand is skipping…okay…not really but he might as well be…down the terminal toting one large suitcase and a smaller duffel, his children following obediently behind him as he excitedly points out the different attractions from the airport windows to the children.

"Oh, yeah, sorry Ash," he grins sheepishly as he finds a luggage cart and begins piling our luggage on.

"I should have brought a guy along. It would have been more productive," I sneer at him as he feigns a pout and then flexes his right bicep.

"I am ALL man, Ash," he assures me as he helps round the kids up and pushes the cart towards the exit.

I have a car waiting for us, and I spot Paul waiting at the curb. "Thank God," I breathe as Paul intercepts the cart and begins piling the luggage into the trunk.

"Ms. Davies, welcome back to Chicago," he greets me warmly.

"Paul, were your ears just burning," I reply as Glen glares back at me.

"Paul, Glen Carlin," Glen offers formally as he holds out his hand to shake Paul's. "I'm Ashley's favorite brother," he continues, smiling smugly at me as I begin lifting children into the town car, securing Lyla in a car seat already strapped inside.

"Brother-in-LAW," I stress, making sure Paul understands there is no blood flowing between us.

"Well, nice to meet you Mr. Carlin. Everyone, climb in. We're heading to the hotel first, and then Ms. Davies, I believe you need my services later?" He smiles at the children as they continue piling in the large vehicle.

"Yeah, I have a sound check later, but not for a couple of hours, so the hotel it is for now," I inform him as I slide in and find a seat amongst the overly-excited children, Glen included.

"Hey kids, look," Glen exclaims pointed out the window. "That's Lake Michigan," he informs them as they all peer out the window to get a look. "And that's the Sear's Tower," he continues, pointing to the huge black sky scraper, the children growing more and more excited.

_Over a building? _

"And that's Oprah's house."

_Wait…what?_

I look out the window and then at him with wide, confused eyes as he shrugs his shoulders.

"They don't know the difference," he whispers, and I cannot help but chuckle as I roll my eyes at him.

They may slightly resemble one another, but my wife and Glen could not be more different.

_And I miss her._

…

"Hey babe, how are you?" I hear her ask tenderly as I am finishing putting the children's clothes into drawers. We have our own room adjacent to Glen's, a small suite with two bed rooms, one with twin beds and my own with a queen. Glen's is set up the same arrangement, and I know it is going to kill the kids not to have a slumber party, but there ain't no way I am bunking with my brother in law.

"Good. Just putting the munchkin's things away and then I have a sound check in an hour. Glen's taking the kids for pizza and then to apparently show them where Oprah lives," I inform her seriously, hearing her laugh in acknowledgment as to where this announcement may have stemmed from.

"Oh really. She inviting them in for tea and crumpets," she kids back and I laugh.

_I really miss her._

"Well, you never know with that brother of yours," I remind her. "So how was work?" I ask timidly, not really sure I want to even broach that subject, but also sure it would be strange not to ask her how her day was.

"Fine, babe. I finally finished the Blackwell wedding album. It's pretty spectacular," she informs me and I sink down into a chair, trying to relax a little before I head to the arena.

"Good. I'm happy for you. I know that has been a tough one to get done," I commend her softly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, baby," she replies. "I was just thinking about you actually…" She draws this out a bit seductively and my interest peaks.

"Oh yeah? And what were you doing that made you think of me?" I respond huskily.

"Taking a shower."

_Fuck. What time is it?_

"And you were thinking of little old me, huh?" I continue, staring frantically at my watch as the seconds tick by way too quickly in light of where this may be going.

"Umm, yeah, I was. I was thinking about you while I was lathering my body up…" Her voice is thick and I feel the heat immediately surge to the area between my legs.

"And what are you doing now, baby?" I continue, checking my watch again as I lie down onto the bed.

"Just lying in bed in my robe, still thinking about you," she oozes and I hear her breathing grow a little heavy.

"Baby, you have NO idea how much I want you to tell me everything you are thinking and exactly what you are doing, but I have to leave in like twenty minutes," I inform her in complete frustration.

"Ashley, I can describe it in fifteen…"

And I groan and sink down into the bed, closing my eyes, and hanging on to each and every word.

…

"Glen, for God's sake, we're going to be late!" I yell through the adjoining door.

Does he not understand I have a 6 year-old who wanted to be at Wrigley field by approximately 7:00 this morning?

"Chill sis, I gotta finish my hair," he yells back and I groan.

"You are such a girl, seriously!" I retort as he opens the door and his children come bounding into our suite.

"Rock-N-Rolla, Reganator! You guys ready or what?" I beam down at them as I tousle their wild curls.

"Yeah, man! Let's do it," Rocco exclaims as Bo and Lyla rush excitedly to their cousins.

"Wywa, you can sit by me," Regan promises my daughter as Lyla squeals in delight.

It's Saturday, FINALLY, and we are getting ready to go to the big game. We have purchased matching Cubs jerseys for all four of them, and baseball caps to match. I hand each of them their respective caps and they pull them down over their little heads. Pulling two more hats from a bag, I toss one at Glen, who is sporting an adult-sized version of the jersey, and pull my cap over my head.

"Sorry, I forgot you did your hair all pretty," I tease him.

"Yeah, it's ok. I will still look beee-utiful." He retorts as he pulls the cap over his blonde curls. "Let's go little dudes!"

And we herd the pack out the door, into the elevator, through the lobby and into the awaiting car.

As we walk towards the gates, I glance down at my children, each squeezing a hand tightly, their innocent eyes growing wider with each step we take towards the stadium. Glen and his two are a few steps ahead of us and all three are practically skipping…and this time it's true.

We make our way through the gates, and Glen pulls out six tickets, handing three to me, smiling widely.

_He kind of looks like my son. WOW. _

Finally inside, we find our seats, and they are amazing. Right behind home plate, about ten rows back. Glen stops a vendor and begins passing peanuts and cotton candy down the row until each child has one of each.

"You want a beer?" He has to yell over the roar of the crowd, and due to the fact that we are separated by 4 children.

"Sure, and a hot dog, mustard only," I shout back. He nods and moments later I have a huge hot dog and a cold beer. Glen has a beer for himself and a hot dog covered in so many condiments, I can already predict what is going to happen in a few short minutes.

"CRAP!" I hear him shout, and I look over to see his brand new white Cubs jersey covered in yellow and red.

I give him thumbs up and he pulls it to his mouth and licks it off.

"Nice, bro!" I shout and he shrugs his shoulders and shoves half of the dog in his mouth.

_Yep, totally like women. _

_And not all women. One woman to be exact. _

I pull my phone out and send that specific woman a quick text.

_At the game. The kids are on cloud nine. Miss you babe. _

I put my phone on vibrate and stick it in the pocket of my jeans so that I can feel when she responds.

As the players take the field, I look down at the four elated faces staring intently towards the action, Bo and Rocco having some sort of conversation about what I am sure Uncle Glen has told them about baseball, Regan helping Lyla de-shell peanuts, and Glen polishing off the rest of his dog before I even have a fraction of mine down.

Smiling, I feel a buzz and pull my phone out.

_Aw…I wish I was there. I miss you guys. Take a picture._

I position my phone so I can catch all five of them in a line. All ten eyes are fixed on the game and I can even get Glen's ruined jersey in the shot. I hit send and wait for the response.

Feeling another buzz I flip my phone open.

_Tell Glen he's a slob. I love you babe. Heading to the wedding. Call when you get done. _

I send of a reply.

_I will. I love you. Tell Chels hi. Talk soon. _

I type one more text and hit send before settling into the game.

Glancing sideways I see Glen fish his phone out of his pocket and flip it open. Smirking, he types something quickly and returns it to his jeans.

_Tell her to bite me._

I laugh out loud and type another message.

I watch him as he rolls his eyes and pulls his phone back out. Grinning at me, he flags down a vendor.

"Two more beers, please!" I hear him shout and I give him another thumbs-up.

…

As we are dragging four exhausted children through the stands and making our way out of the stadium, something catches my eye at a nearby souvenir stand.

"Hey, Glen, keep the troops together. I'll be right back," I instruct him as I walk towards the stand.

…

We finally had the kids calmed down enough to go to bed about an hour ago, and Glen and I are sitting on the terrace of my suite drinking beers and chatting about the trip.

"I know I give you a lot of flack, but I am glad you guys could do this," I tell him, trying to keep the sentiments at a minimum.

He smiles at me and cracks open two more beers. "Ashley, just admit it. You love me," he teases and I take one of the beers from him and roll my eyes.

"You're alright," I force out.

"You're alright yourself. I am kind of glad you pulled your head out of your ass all those years ago," he continues and I chuckle despite myself.

_He's right, and I really can't argue. _

_Or can I?_

"Yeah, well, you weren't exactly helping me and Spence pick out china patterns back then, you know?" I remind him with a disapproving glare.

"Ok, you got me there. But Ash, I have to say, I cannot imagine my little sister with anyone else," he tells me warmly as he takes a long sip of his beer. "You make her happy, and she's lucky, you know?"

"Thanks, Bro. But I'm the lucky one," I inform him as I take an even longer sip of my beer. "And you drink like a pussy, by the way," I conclude as I crunch my beer can, bragging that I am already done.

"Oh really? That a challenge?" His eyebrows raise as he fishes into the ice buckets we have filled with beers and pulls to more out. "Care to see if your ass can cash that little check you just wrote," he replies cockily as he hands me another beer.

"You're on, pussy," I retort, matching his confidence as I crack it open. "On three…one, two, three…"

And we're both chugging the ice cold beer madly, equally soaking our faces and the front of our shirts, gulping loudly, tears filing both of our eyes. I feel the last of the can drain into my mouth and yank it away, crushing it as I did the last one. Glen repeats the same motion about a second and a half later.

"Yeah, baby…cashing that check," I boast as I sputter a bit, the beer burning my stomach.

"Oh fuck that, let me feel that can," he demands and I hand it proudly to him. He tips it upside down and maybe a drop falls out.

"Pussy…" I whisper and he laughs loudly.

"You really should be proud, Ash. I know Spence would be," he says snidely as he lets an earth shattering belch loose.

"For God's sake, Glen, the kids are asleep," I scold him, feigning disgust as I feel what might be an equally powerful belch building up in my throat.

Nope. It was louder.

Smirking at him again, I let him know what a pussy he is and he reminds me of what a lady he thinks I am.

…

An hour later, and a few more chugging contests, and several more belches that I am sure woke someone up, if not our kids, we stumble inside, and mumble our goodnights.

_I am DRUNK. _

I clumsily change out of my game day gear and skip the face washing and teeth brushing. I figure the taste in my mouth cannot be repaired at this point and I honestly don't have the energy.

Pulling my phone from the nightstand, I hit send and wait patiently for my wife's beautiful voice on the other end.

But she doesn't answer. Glancing at the clock, I do some quick math to figure out it is 11:30 in California.

And it wasn't really quick math. On any other day it might have been easier, but I am so drunk I cannot remember what time zone I am in.

Anyway, I send her a quick text which reads something like this.

_He baby. Wher r u? I rxally miss u. Can ytu call me plesae?_

I then text Glen, and I think it reads something like this:

_Hye pusy. Have u herd from Chleseye?_

A few minutes later, I hear the buzz of my phone and flip it open.

_Hey dirtball. I just talkd to her. She is watng for your wife to have a dirnk. I told her thye shul have a beer chugling contest._

I laugh so loud I snort, and cover my mouth as if I might wake the kids up.

_Ok, tell hre to have Spencre call me when ste gets threre. Night dipshit._

I laugh again at my clever choice of pet names for Glen, and wait patiently for a response.

_I'll think abotu it. Night losre._

I snap my phone shut, and hiccup loudly. Slamming my hands over my mouth again, I roll onto my side. Finding the glass of water I had set on the night stand, I take a long drink, most of it missing my mouth.

Leaning back onto the pillow I glance at my phone again.

_Where is she?_

As I feel myself starting to slip into unconsciousness, the ring of my phone jolts me back harshly.

_It's her. _

"Baaaby…wher've you been?" I slurr as I pull the covers up over my body.

"Ummm…Ash…you okay?" she responds slowly as if trying to figure out the cause of my mumblings.

"Yeah, baaaby…I'm good. I'm just wondering what you're doin. Wher've you been, baby?" I sit up for a second, trying to still the spinning room.

"Honey I was working that wedding, and I just got to Lola's to meet Chelsey. Babe, are you drunk?" She implores and I nod my head.

"Ash…"

"Oh, yeah…sorry. Um, Glen and I had a few beers…yeah," I inform her and I hear her chuckle a little. "You laugin at me?" I slurr as I take another sip of my water.

"No, honey, sorry. Did you have a good time?" she continues and I wipe the water from the side of my mouth.

"Honey, why didn't you pick yer phone up?" I ignore her question completely and I hear her sigh.

"Babe, I was working. I am sorry. I just got to the bar, and I need to go. Chelsey is waiting," she informs me, and I think I can hear irritation in her voice.

"Oh, sooorrry. Go have fun," I tell her shortly.

"Hey, don't do that. I just don't want to be rude," she replies softly. "Honey, you need to sleep. You have to deal with the little ones in the morning and from the sounds of it, you have your work cut out for you. BOTH of you."

"I'm fine, Spence. I just wanted to talk to my wife, but obviously she's got better things to do," I immaturely respond.

"Baby, stop it. I will call you in the morning. Honey, get some sleep. I love you," she says, her voice softening.

"Yeah, love you too…"

At least, I think that's what I said, and it's the last thing I remember of the night.

…

"This is your fault," Glen groans as we both try in vain to cut pancakes for the hungry mouths sitting around us in the hotel restaurant.

"Why are you yelling?" I moan.

"I'm not," he retorts, and leans over to grab the syrup from in front of me.

"Mommy, can I have some chowat miwk please…"

_Why is she yelling?_

"Yes, baby. Uncle Glen will get it," I assure her, and he rolls his eyes at me.

"Any one else?"

Three more little voices pierce into our heads, signaling they too would like some chocolate milk.

"All your fault," he grumbles as he rises to grab their orders.

I push the coffee away from me, the smell of which I normally love making my insides turn. Instead, I pick up a glass of water and drink the entire thing before setting the empty glass back down.

"Four chocolate milks," he announces as he sets them in front of the eager customers, and groans again as he slides back into his chair.

"There is a reason we don't do that anymore," I remind him and he nods in agreement.

"Well, remember this the next time you call me a p u s s y," he reminds me right back through a glare.

"Mommy, can we call Mama afta bwekfast?" Bo asks patiently, and I nod my head and force a smile.

"Sure, Bubs, after you finish your pancakes," I promises him and he digs in.

_Shit_.

I talked to Spencer last night. I kind of remember it. And I kind of remember acting like a complete baby. I fumble for my phone and drop it on the ground. I hear Glen laugh and I shoot him another glare.

Opening my phone, I see I have a text from her. It apparently came in at about 3 in the morning. Flipping my phone open, I feel my stomach drop as I read her message.

_I don't know what is wrong with you or what you were implying, but I hope you get some sleep and that you don't feel too awful in the morning. I wish you were coming home with the kids. I need you. I don't mean to make you feel guilty but I am going to miss you. I love you baby. _

Well, I do feel awful, and its all of the sudden completely unrelated to my hangover.


	8. Foam Fingers

Chapter 8: Foam Fingers

Spencer's POV

"Bree, can you come over here for a minute," I ask her timidly as I pull a chair over and place it a few feet from my own.

She looks up from her computer and takes her black horn-rimmed glasses off of her face, frowning slightly. "Umm…I kind of need to finish these edits," she explains even more timidly than me. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "No, it can't," I respond, giving her a serious look.

She nods her head and rises from her computer chair and walks slowly towards me and slides into the chair I have prepared for her.

It's Wednesday, and Ashley is coming home tomorrow. I have convinced myself, after several strained telephone conversations since the children returned from Chicago with Glen and Ashley had made her way to Indiana, that I needed to actually have something to report to her when she got back.

Bree barely can look me in the eyes as I start what I know is going to be a painfully awkward confrontation.

"Bree, I need to talk to you about what happened the other week," I start and she lowers her eyes.

"Look, Spencer, about that…" she starts and I feel excuses coming I don't really want to hear, so I cut her off.

"Bree, it doesn't really matter what you think you can say to me. What you did was inappropriate and disrespectful, and I am trying to figure out if we can continue to work together," I inform her calmly, forcing myself to look at her as her eyes jump to mine.

"Spencer, please…don't say that," she exclaims desperately, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Listen, you have been a good fit for me, and I admire your work, but you crossed lines and boundaries, and caused some damage that I am not sure can be undone," I continue, attempting to keep the calmness I started with. "Do you understand my dilemma?" I ask her, hoping for some sort of response that might make sense.

"Yeah…" she begins slowly. "I do, Spencer, and I am sorry." She sounds sincere and instead of interjecting, I decide to let her continue. "Look, I have been really lonely since I broke up with my girlfriend, and I feel so comfortable with you…and I guess I misunderstood what I thought was going on with you at home…" She is babbling somewhat and her face is contorted, a mixture of sadness and regret.

I nod slowly, taking another deep breath.

"I did not mean to disrespect Ashley, or put you in a bad place with her." She raises her eyes to mine again. "Spencer, please give me another chance. I love working here, and I promise I will never step over those boundaries again," she promises as the tears begin to fall.

"Bree, I am not sure what is going on in your head exactly, but I want to believe you. I want you to keep working here. But you have to understand that Ashley and I both are going to struggle with some trust issues, not necessarily between the two of us, but with you." I pause for a second, studying her reaction for a sign of real understanding, and then continue. "I am willing to give it a few more weeks, and you probably have your work cut out for you as far as my wife is concerned, but I feel like I need to give you fair warning that if the atmosphere around here does not remain professional, and if Ashley has any hesitation after this trial period, I am going to have to ask you to look for something else."

She nods her head and buries her face in her hands. In between sobs she incoherently promises me she'll prove to me and Ashley she can make it work, among other assurances about professionalism and boundaries, most of which I can barely understand.

As her crying stills, I decide to end it here for now, and get going so I can pick the kids up from Glen and Chelsey's.

"Bree, my feelings at this point are to put this behind us and move on so we can focus on our work. We have a lot to do in the next few weeks," I remind her and she nods in agreement, clearly unable to form any more words. "So I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok, Spencer. I am sorry. I hope you believe that."

And I think I do.

But I am not so sure my wife will.

…

"When is Mommy getting hewe?" my son asks for probably the seventh time tonight.

It's Thursday, and Ashley's plane landed at LAX about an hour ago.

"Any minute, son," I promise him as I glance at my watch.

Lyla is sitting on the ground in the living room coloring her Mommy a 'Welcome Home' picture, and she looks up at me excitedly upon hearing this assurance.

"Mama, can you wite 'Wywa loves Mommy' fo me?" she asks, a little frantically as she finishes coloring in an uneven read heart.

"Yes, baby girl. What color?" I ask her and she selects a purple crayon. Kneeling down next to her I write her message in big letters across the top of her picture and give her a quick kiss.

As if on cue, I hear a key in the front door. I watch as our children's blue and brown eyes light up as they jump to their feet and run towards the front door.

It swings open, and my wife appears, looking tired but absolutely stunning in tight jeans and a Cubs jersey, her hair pulled up in messy curls on top of her head.

"Mommy!" they cry in unison as she drops her bags and bends down to pull them into a hug, kissing them both repeatedly.

"Hi, munchkins," she whispers to them as they hang on to her for dear life. "I missed you!"

"Mommy, did ya bwing us anyfing from ya concuwrt?" Bo implores, probably already knowing the answer.

"Bring you something?" She teases as she stands up and catches my eyes. "Didn't I buy you enough in Chicago?" She continues to torment our children as the both begin eyeing the large plastic bag sitting on the floor at her feet.

"Mommy! What's in tha bag?" Lyla asks excitedly, ignoring Ashley's previous question.

"Now hang one, little ones. I need to tell your Mama hi," She informs them as she makes her way to me.

Smiling, I allow her to pull me into her arms. "Hey you," she whispers as she presses her soft lips against mine.

"Hey you," I respond as I hold her tightly, kissing her neck and cheek softly.

"I missed you," she continues and I nod into the crook of her neck.

"Mommy!"

I hear her chuckle as she pulls back and rolls her eyes.

"Ok, ok," she moans as she slips from my embrace and turns to grab the bag. "So which one of you wants the Colt's jersey and which one of you wants the fruit scented markers and Dora coloring book?" she teases, knowing full well which child will select what.

…

After putting the kids to bed, we are sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine. Ashley has been filling me in on the Chicago trip and my stomach feels like I have just done 1000 crunches listening to her tell me about she and Glen's baseball game fiasco, and then feeling like I did 1000 more as she describes the chugging contest on the terrace that night.

"You guys are pieces of work," I inform her through my tears, and she shrugs her shoulders sheepishly.

"Yeah, well he is a pussy, and I felt it was my job to put him in his place," she informs me proudly as I shake my head at her.

"Yeah, you were a wonderful drunk, love," I remind her, my laughter subsiding as we look seriously at one another.

"I'm sorry, Spence," she assures me. "I don't know what came over me…" Her eyes grow a little sad, and I set my wine down on the coffee table and urge her to do the same so I can pull her to me. I kiss her softly a few times and groan as she pulls back. "But hey, I got you a present," she smiles coyly as she stands up and makes her way over to her bags, which are still sitting in the entry way.

"You did?" I exclaim excitedly, pulling myself up onto my knees like a six year-old child…our six year-old child to be exact…and wait impatiently for her to return.

"Close your eyes," she instructs and I obey. "And hold out your hands," she continues as I hear her nearing me again.

Sitting straight up on my knees on the couch, I hold my eagerly waiting hands out in front of me, my eyes squeezed shut, and feel her places something in them that I cannot for the life of me place. It's soft and foamy feeling, and rather large.

"What in the world?"

"Okaayyy, open them."

And in my hands she has placed two… well hands. Two large, red foams hands to be exact. With Cub's logos splashed across the fronts, and writing in what appears to be black marker.

"Ashley…" I am giggling at the unorthodox gift she has presented me with.

"Read them," she urges me softly and I pull them both up to my eyes.

The first reads:

_I want to hold your big foam hand. _

It's her handwriting.

The second reads:

_I want to write you big foam-fingered love notes. _

I shake my head, the smile on my lips growing as I look up to find her amused but loving eyes transfixed on me.

"Turn them over," she instructs me, her nose crinkling and her eyes twinkling.

I turn the first and see:

_I Love You_

And on the back of the second…

_I Love You_

"I love you and I love you too." Setting them down, I hold my arms out to her. "Come here."

…

"So…I talked to Bree yesterday, and I really think everything is going to be okay," I assure her as I continue feathering her forehead and temples with loving kisses.

"Well, what does that mean?" she asks, clearly doubtful that anything I tell her is going to satisfy her.

"It means that she is really remorseful and embarrassed," I begin, pulling her face up so that she is looking straight at me. "She promised me that it was a mistake and that she is committed to making it work and that our relationship will be even more purely professional than before."

She frowns at this, and sighs, closing her eyes tightly. "Well what the hell does THAT mean?" she groans, shaking her head as if she just does not understand what I am telling her.

"Ash, it means that we are going to put this to bed and move on. I told her that if you and I are not convinced it can still work, I will let her know to start looking for something else," I explain, the disappointment of her reaction settling harshly over me.

"She should be looking now," she retorts as she turns to face forward, pulling out of my arms a bit.

"Baby, please, trust me on this," I plead with her as her arms fold over her chest and she sinks back into the couch.

"I've already told you, it isn't YOU I don't trust," she replies coldly as she shuts her eyes again, her forehead wrinkling from the frown that has taken over her face.

"Ashley, I have asked you to trust me and to let me handle this in the best way I can figure out. And you are not even trying to understand." I feel myself getting angry and frustrated, the volume of my voice conveying my emotions at this point.

"You know what, you're going to do what you're going to do, clearly, so I am kind of done with this conversation tonight," she announces as she rises from the couch. "I'm going to take a shower."

She doesn't look at me as she walks up the stairs and disappears down the hall.

…

I can hear the shower going as I walk into our bedroom. I contemplate joining her and trying to show her she has nothing more to worry about, but decide I have a better idea.

I wait patiently until I hear the water turn off, and even more patiently as she goes about getting ready for bed. I hear her electric toothbrush start buzzing and the sink turn on and off several times.

Finally, the bathroom door opens and she walks into our room wearing a tight tank top showing her midriff and tiny boy shorts. Her hair is wet and combed neatly.

I watch her intently as she stops in her tracks and her eyes roam over my entire body. The body that is lying on the bed, wearing nothing at all.

Well except for big foam fingers on each hand.


	9. How Important

Chapter 9: How Important

Ashley's POV

_My God you are beautiful._

_I should say this out loud. _

"Spencer…" I whisper softly as she begins to stir beneath me. Our naked bodies are wrapped up in each other and we have been drifting in and out of sleep, waking up here and there to continue where we left off as sleep would intermittently find us throughout the night.

And now it is 4:40 in the morning and I am staring at her. I can safely say she has slept a little more than me.

I have been watching her sleep. Taking her in, listening to her soft breathing, wondering where her random smiles and soft whimpers are coming from.

"Spencer…"

She slowly opens her eyes and I watch as they adjust a bit and focus on me. She breathes deeply and I feel her arms grasp me more tightly. I pull her to me and brush her hair from her face.

"You are so beautiful," I whisper into her ear as I kiss her neck.

"Mmmmm…baby, why aren't we sleeping?" she questions as her hands slide up and down my damp back, signaling to me that she may not really want to slip back into whatever dream she was just having.

Though I cannot help but think by the smile on her face it was a good one.

And I hope I was in it.

"Because…" I draw out slowly as I continue kissing her neck and move ever so slowly to her jaw line and then to her cheek, each kiss deeper and wetter.

"Because what?" she teases as her right arm slides up my stomach and her fingers graze my hardened nipple.

"Becauuusee…." I reply as I pull her on top of my body and take her lips in my own.

"Okaaay…" she surrenders and our kisses become deep and passionate.

I have to leave in the morning for Miami, and although Spencer is considering coming for a few days, I am painfully aware of the fact that tonight…well technically this morning…might be the last chance I have to be with her for a while, and sleep just isn't a priority.

And considering her hand is sliding down in between us, I am guessing she is thinking the same thing.

I spread my legs wider and allow her as much access as she needs. Her fingers trace slowly through my folds as her tongue dances wildly with my own.

I groan loudly as I feel her fingers slip into me, one on her first thrust, adding a second a few later and then a third as I lose any and all control of my hips.

Within seconds she is kneeling in front of me, her fingers pumping in to me, my knees bent, her free arm positioned under my lower back, pulling me into her with each thrust.

Wanting to touch her the way she is me, I push myself up so I am sitting with my legs wrapped around her. I feel her slide down so that her legs can spread out in front of her and wrap around me. I pull her body flush to mine and snake one of my arms down in between us and feel her lift her center to me so I can plunge three fingers into her.

"Oh God baby," she cries as our lips meet again and we pull each other closer, our thrusting fingers matching pace and deepness and urgency. I feel a fourth finger slide into me and I fight for control of my body as I slide a fourth back into her. I feel her forehead rest on my shoulder in response and I bury my face in her neck as we continue exploring the deepest most intimate places that are reserved for only one another.

As my orgasm begins to take over, I yank my head back and bring her chin up with my free hand so I can look at her and she can look at me. And the minute our eyes meet, our bodies jolt violently against one another and she cries out, my name escaping her lips and her name falling from mine.

…

"Bo, Lyla, come in here," I hear Spencer call from the kitchen as I am pulling my bags down the hallway. "Mommy's leaving."

I struggle a bit as I make my way down the stairs and find my family huddled near the front door. I meet Spencer's stare as she pulls our children closely to each side.

Setting my bags by the door, I walk over to them, and pick Lyla up first.

"Mommy, awe we comin to see you in Chicawgo?" she asks, clearly not capable of understanding that I am going somewhere different than the last trip where she went with me.

"No, baby, Mommy is not going to Chicago this time," I explain as I nestle her little body into my chest. "But Mommy will be home real soon," I assure her as I kiss her gently. "You be good for your Mama, okay?" I request as her little brown eyes stare at me with slight confusion.

"I wiwell, Mommy. But whea awe ya goin?"

"I am going to Florida, princess. It's sunny and warm there, just like here," I try to explain, having little energy to try to give her much more. I kiss her again and set her down at her Mama's feet, moving next to our son.

Although he's six, he's not too old for me to scoop him up in my arms as I did his sister.  
"Bubba, you take care of your Mama and sissy for me, okay mister?" He nods slowly and I can sense his sadness, which makes my heart break. He really is not used to me being gone yet, and the hesitation in his eyes reminds me that he is too young to understand this just yet.

"Ok, Mommy. We wiw see ya tomowow wight?"

And my heart breaks again.

"No, Buddy. But I will be home in two weeks, and then I have a big surprise for you and Lyla and Mama." I raise my eyebrows as his big blue eyes widen, the sadness momentarily escaping them.

"A sapwise? What is it, Mommy?" I feel his little body grow tense as he hops up and down in my arms.

I chuckle at him and look at Spencer.

The apple did NOT fall far from that tree.

"Son, if I told you it would not be a surprise," I tease him gently as I give him a serious look.

"Aw…MAN!" he groans and I hear my wife laugh loudly at this more than mature response.

"Aw, MAN!" I tease him as I give him multiple kisses on his cheek.

"Mommy!" he giggles as I give him another firm kiss on his forehead. "I love you and I will see you real soon."

I set him down and turn to Spencer, and am a little taken back to see her beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, Bo Bo, take your sissy in to the living room and help her find her new Dora coloring book, okay?" I request softly.

"Ok, Mommy," he replies sweetly as he takes Lyla's tiny hand in his own. "Come on Wywa, let's go cula a picshure for Mommy and Mama, okay?" She smiles adoringly at her big brother and lets him lead her out of the room.

Turning back to Spencer, I see that the tears have now started falling. I swallow the lump that is forming just from seeing her like this and take her hand, pulling her to the front door. Turning to face her I take her face in both of my hands and attempt in vain to wipe the tears away, which are now falling too quickly for me to be of any use.

"Baby, what is it?" I ask her softly, pulling her closer to me.

And she breaks down into body-racking sobs and I cannot do anything but stand there and hold her tightly until she calms enough to pull back and look at me again.

"I'm sorry, baby. I don't know what is wrong with me," she begins in a broken voice.

I just nod as I cup her face again, trying to signal to her that she can tell me what is going on in her head.

"Ash, I just get used to you being here with me and then you are gone again. And I know it's going to be okay…" She takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut.

I feel my heart break all over again, and I cannot find any words of comfort in this moment.

"I just want you to know I love you and I want us to be us." She looks at me seriously and I feel the confusion overtake my face.

"Spence…what do you mean?" I shake my head at her and slide my hands from her face and pull her body tightly into mine. "We are US," I assure her as I kiss her soft lips, holding her there for as long as I can.

Pulling her face from mine, she sighs. "I know, honey, but I feel like all we do lately is fight and make up," she explains, the sadness not leaving her expression for a minute. "And I love making up with you, baby, but I don't want this to be hard. It's you and me, Ashley. It was hard enough for so long, and then it was perfect, and lately, I just…I don't know…" her voice trails off as she looks deeply into my eyes and shakes her head softly.

_Why do I have to go right now?_

"Baby, listen to me. I know things have been a little tense at times, but remember what I told you in high school when you were struggling with how to tell your parents about us?" I nod my head, urging her to think back to that night in my car in front of her parent's house.

I see a smile begin to creep up on the corners of her lips, and I guess she might be remembering.

_How else do you know how important it really is?_

…

As I set my bags down in my hotel room in Miami, I take in the somewhat familiar surroundings. I have been here before, on a previous tour, and though it's not home, it's at least not brand new.

I glance at my watch and do some quick, sober math.

_It's not too late to call her_, I assure myself.

Flipping open my phone, I hit send and slide down onto the bed.

"Hey, baby," I hear from the other end of the country, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Hey…did I wake you?" I kick off my shoes and relax back against the headboard.

I have a sound check early in the morning, but at this moment, I don't think about sleep, or anything else but the woman on the other end of the line.

_And the country_, I think again.

"No, babe. You know I can't sleep until I know you are at your hotel," she reminds me.

I smile at the realization that this is still the case.

"I know. I am sorry it's so late. Traffic was bad. This city doesn't sleep," I inform her with a little irritation.

"Well, I expect you to show me the lack of sleep to be gotten when I get there next week," she teases me and I laugh.

I am going to be in Miami for one show, then Orlando, and then up to North Carolina, before coming back to Miami for two more shows next weekend. The plan is for Spencer to meet me for the second Miami leg, though we have not bought a plane ticket yet. She has to make sure childcare is lined up…a.k.a. Paula and Arthur and Christine are not all suddenly leaving the country…and she also has to make sure Bree can still get out of some family reunion in order to cover another wedding.

And honestly, if I didn't have selfish motives…that being my wife coming to Miami to see me…I'd be a little irritated at Bree's willingness to skip out on a family event to 'be there' for my wife.

But that's another story.

"You think you will be able to make it?" I ask her hopefully as I rise and begin undressing with one hand so I can hold the phone and continue talking to her.

"I think so, babe. The rents are stoked, but I won't know for sure till I talk to Bree next week," she explains me, and I hear her yawn into the phone.

"Honey, you're tired. Why don't you call me tomorrow," I suggest, feeling guilty that I have kept her up waiting for my call.

"No, it's okay, Ash," she assures me sweetly, but I hear another yawn in the midst of her assurances. "I…" yawn… "I'm fine." She breathes out and I know she's not.

"It's okay, baby. Get some sleep. Kiss the babies for me tomorrow and call me when you can," I urge her as I slide back onto the bed, my own exhaustion taking over my body.

"Ok…" she replies slowly. "I'll call you tomorrow. I love you, baby." I hear yet another yawn and all the sudden wish I was there, holding her as she drifts off.

"I love you, too sweetheart," I tell her honestly.

"Hey, wait. Ashley…"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Will you sing me a song?"

I smile as I sit up in the bed. "Yeah, sure I will," I respond. "Let me think…"

I hear her breathing into the phone as I search for words to tell her how I am feeling.

"Okay, you ready?" I ask her as I clear my throat.

"Yeah…" I hear her breathe and I imagine her settling in under the covers.

_Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,  
and think of you  
caught up in circles confusion--  
is nothing new  
Flashback--warm nights--  
almost left behind  
suitcases of memories,  
time after--_

sometimes you picture me--  
I'm walking too far ahead  
you're calling to me, I can't hear  
what you've said--  
Then you say--go slow--  
I fall behind--  
the second hand unwinds

if you're lost you can look--and you will find me  
time after time  
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting  
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has  
turned to gray  
watching through windows--you're wondering  
if I'm OK  
secrets stolen from deep inside  
the drum beats out of time--

if you're lost you can look--and you will find me  
time after time  
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting  
time after time

you said go slow--  
I fall behind  
the second hand unwinds--

if you're lost you can look--and you will find me  
time after time  
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting  
time after time  
...time after time  
time after time  
time after time  
time after time

I hear her breathing grow heavy.

"Baby, you still there?"

"Yeah…I love you…goodnight baby."

"Goodnight, Spence…"


	10. Beinvenido A Miami

Chapter 10: Beinvenido A Miami

Spencer's POV

Glancing out the window of the plane, I think I can vaguely see the first palm tree come into view. I mean it could easily be a street sign or a lamp post, but to me, it's definitely a palm tree. I feel the plane begin to descend and focus more intently at the ground below, and am shortly thereafter able to confirm I am seeing palm trees on the ground below.

Settling back a bit, I fee the anticipation of de-boarding the plane, getting across the airport to baggage and seeing my wife waiting for me… set in.

I have missed her so much since she left, and this new sense of desperation to be with her is unsettling.

It's not like it used to be where we were so solid and time apart was just what it was…an excuse to text each other obsessively and have regular phone sex. No, now it was an…well unsettled span of time that brought about clear insecurity in her knowing I went to work each day to see Bree, and a ridiculous second thought each time Ashley would tell me she was going out for drinks after a show.

I had told myself that this trip would be a reconnection…a reminder of what we have and why our love story was timeless and perfect and enviable and all of the things it has always been.

I have lay in bed so many nights, next to her, feeling her even breathing, watching her perfect form and painfully beautiful face, and felt pity.

Pity for everyone in the world who did not share a life with her, or someone like her.

_But there is no one else like her, so really, I just pity the world. _

As the plane makes its final descent into Miami, I begin gathering my things, placing my US Weekly in the pocket of the seat in front of me, silently praising myself and hoping the next occupant of my seat appreciates celebrity gossip.

As the plane pulls up to the gate, I wait patiently (not really) for the passengers seated in front of me to pull their carry-on's from the overhead bins.

Who checks bags these days? Seriously? You have to pay twenty bucks and you cannot pack more than three ounces of liquid.

_HURRY UP!_

_God, I am not sure if I said that to myself._

Finally, I am walking through the long hallway and searching impatiently (really) for the sign to baggage. Finally figuring out the route I have to take, I quicken my pace as I follow the signs to baggage, my heart beat going into overdrive as I reach the top of the escalator and begin searching frantically for the brunette who has my entire being in her hands at the bottom somewhere.

The escalator must be broken, or whatever batteries or electricity that powers it must be on slow mode, because it is moving painfully slowly as my eyes continue searching the mass of people at the bottom for my wife.

And then suddenly the seas part, angels sing, the sun comes out…and yes, we are in Florida and that's probably a foregone conclusion…but regardless, there she is.

Standing alone, no other face to be seen, as her eyes lock on mine and her nose crinkles in a way that I am positive none of those horrid humans that populate the rest of the earth could ever even try to copy.

_What can I do right now to make her heart flutter in a way that this subtle crinkle has caused mine to do?_

_Got it. _

And I tilt my head to the side and grin a closed mouth smile.

And I think I see the area under her black t-shirt above her ribcage and almost in the center of her ridiculously perfect breasts expand and shrink and expand and shrink…

As I step off the last step of the escalator she is in front of me and I feel myself being swept up into her strong, thin arms. I cannot even speak as I melt into her and press my forehead against her neck. Her familiar scent envelops me and I completely lose track of where I am and what I am doing.

I feel her pull back just enough to bring her face to mine and her lips are on mine, murmuring something incoherent as I plunge my tongue into her mouth, not caring for one single moment that we are in the retirement capital of the world, and that every pace-maker in Florida might be working overtime at the site of us.

…

"And this is our love nest for the weekend," she informs me as she pulls the door to her suite shut and I drop my bags and turn to face her.

We could be in a shack in the middle of Arkansas (no offense but I couldn't think of another state that might harbor a shack), and it would make no difference to me. Right now, all I care about is getting my wife into the bed that could be a mat on the floor for all I care…

"Come here…" I urge her and she is upon me before the "re" leaves my lips.

I moan loudly as she pushes me onto the bed and pulls her shirt quickly off her own body.

"Aw…baby…I wanted to do that," I pout and she laughs softly, picking the shirt off the floor and sliding it back on her body, inside out AND backwards.

I chuckle at her disheveled appearance as I pull her over me. I lightly run my finger tips over her stomach, under her re-dressed body and begin slowly sliding her shirt up. She sits up so she is straddling me, and I pull myself up so I am flush against her chest. She lifts her arms above her head and I slowly pull the shirt back off of her, amused at what a silly ritual I had insisted on, but feeling the hotness take over me with every inch of her exposed flesh that is being exposed.

Finally freeing her completely of the intrusive garment, I bring my face to her chest and begin kissing the flesh above her breasts, licking sporadically as her hips begin to rock into me. I feel her arms move around to grip me tightly as I work up her chest and kiss and tongue her sexy collar bone as her hands move down to grip the bottom of my shirt. She quickly frees me of the fabric separating my flesh from her own.

She smiles as she delicately places my shirt to the side of us, and then brings her hands to cup my face, pulling my eyes to meet hers.

"I am so glad you are here," she tells me, and I can feel the honesty in her words as she lightly kisses my forehead. "I have missed you so much, baby," she continues as her lips move from my forehead to my temple to my cheek to my neck…where she lingers a bit.

"Mmmm…I've missed you too…" I assure her as I unclasp her bra and cast it aside, pulling her hands to my back, urging her to do the same.

And she does.

And before I know it, our lower halves have been ridden of the remaining pieces of fabric keeping us from getting as close as two human beings can get.

Closer than anyone else in the world has ever gotten, and I am convinced it's true.

"You feel so fucking amazing…" she murmurs into my ears as her hips lock into mine, our wetness mixing in that slippery warm perfectness that I still cannot get enough of.

As our thrusts into one another grow more urgent, I feel her snake her hand down between us and begin slowly rubbing into my soaking wet folds. I bring one hand from the tight grip I have had on her back and parrot her motions, and we moan into each other's mouths as the anticipation of the entrance we are about to make into one another sets in.

And enter one another we do.

Almost at the exact same time, and I don't even try contain the relief and utter thankfulness I feel at the sensation of her familiar touch deep within me as I cry out and my voice echoes through the room.

Her fingers pump into me slowly and tenderly as her lips continue to meld into mine, and I fight for control of my own body as I return her perfect thrusts, concentrating as best I can to please the woman on top of me as much as she is pleasing me.

I feel her contract around my fingers and that sensation alone pushes me to a height that only she can send me to. I feel her warm breath against my neck and hear her mutter loving assurances as we both explode violently, our warm, wet naked bodies sliding against one another as we ride out the bliss that we are giving to one another.

I feel her body still and rest down on me and the warmth, which I have been reveling in since she first laid down onto me…God knows how long ago… bring me comfort and safeness.

"Baby…" I whisper as she lifts her head and looks me directly in the eyes. "I am so happy to be here with you," I tell her as I see a small smile creep across her lips.

"Welcome to Miami…" she purrs against my lips, taking them deeply before pulling back and transfixing her ridiculously sexy stare on me. "Beinvenido a Miami."

And I laugh loudly at her broken Spanish before allowing her to pull my hips into hers as I realize that I did ask her a week ago to prove to me that Miami truly never sleeps.

And for my first night in this city…we really didn't.

…

Ashley had just finished her Saturday night performance, and I was sitting in her dressing room, waiting for her to finish talking to Ethan.

And I was absolutely swimming in the memories of watching her on stage, strumming her guitar, singing my favorite songs, catching my eye more than I would have ever anticipated.

Every word she sang, every movement of her body, it was for me tonight, and she had no quams about letting that entire arena know that she was not singing to them, as I imagined many fans prayed was the case.

Nope…she was singing to me, and at so many moments throughout the performance, I could feel my worries about our strained relationship melt away as I lost myself deeper and deeper into her sexy, seductive stare.

And now I am waiting for her to close it up so we can go grab some drinks. As much as I want to get her back to the hotel and express to her how hot she made me all night, she is really excited about taking me to some little place off of Miami's beaten path where she claims the drinks are strong and the service is good.

…

"Well, there she is…"

I hear a voice from behind us as I am wrapped up in her arms in a corner booth of the bar Ashley has drug me into.

And I only say drug because she had to force my face from her lap after two orgasms in the back of the town car that brought us here. I was on my way to giving her a third when we arrived and I had to reluctantly straighten up and convince myself that a few drinks and maybe a game of pool might be fun for a while.

Pulling myself from her embrace, I look up to see a woman standing at our table with a tray of drinks.

And she is smiling widely.

At my wife.

"Hey, Marissa," my wife replies, a little too warmly for my taste.

"I was hoping you were going to come in tonight," the waitress responds a little too familiarly as Ashley shifts a bit to sit up in the booth.

And I normally don't even use the word waitress.

I have had enough friends in the service industry to know server is the proper descriptor… but for some reason, looking up at this woman, and seeing the way she is eyeing my wife, I have no need to even inwardly be respectful.

"Yeah, well I had to show my baby my favorite place in all of Miami," she responds, finally acknowledging my existence.

Of course, a mere 10 seconds may have elapsed, but to me, it felt like I had awkwardly been sitting there in the midst of their greetings forever.

"Marissa, this is Spencer," Ashley offers as she slides her arm around my neck and squeezes me lightly.

"Ah…THE Spencer."

So I am trying to figure out if its my normally acute perception about people that is off a bit because of the four beers I had at the concert and the half of a vodka I have sipped in between making out with my wife since I arrived at this bar, or if I am being overly-sensitive…

_But what did that mean?_

_Does she mean…'wow I have heard so much about this woman.' _

_Or does she mean…'damn this woman actually exists.' _

"Yep, this is her," Ashley seemingly beams as the _waitress_ takes my hand.

"Well, Spencer, I have to tell you. This girlfriend of yours has single-handedly assured me that I can pay my rent next month with her generous tips since she's been in town," she informs me, smiling and winking at Ashley.

"She's actually my wife," I retort flatly, as I pull myself from Ashley's embrace and grab my drink.

"Oh, right, WIFE," she emphasizes.

And she actually has the nerve to roll her eyes as she says this. "Well, I hope having her WIFE here does not mean she won't take our stage and sing us a few songs like she USUALLY DOES."

_Why is she emphasizing the word wife so much?_

_And who the hell is this girl who seems to know way to much about me… and Ashley?_

_And how many times has Ashley sang here? _

_And what songs?_

"Marissa, you know I don't need much coaxing to get on the stage," Ashley practically flirts back and I feel my whole body tense.

I all the sudden feel like the third wheel in an awkward 'best friend meets the significant other' scenario that I have not felt since high school, and I am even straining to remember who it was I was introduced to by Ashley all those years ago that might have invoked such an outsider feeling in me.

"Well, there's the mike, Rock Star," Marissa flirts back as she points to the small stage at the corner of the bar.

_Um…did she just call my wife 'Rock Star'?_

I gulp my vodka drink down in one fell swoop at this realization.

"Say Marissa, how about you bring me another one of these," I request politely…well impatiently and angrily really…as I point to my empty glass.

Seemingly having to force herself to take her gaze off of my wife, she nods as she picks up my empty. "Ash, you want one too?"

_OKAY…ASH?_

As I open my lips to convey this exact disparagement, I feel Ashley shift towards me and pull my lips to her own. Pulling back from my shocked face, she turns to the _waitress_ and nods.

"Yeah, I will take another, and then I am gonna take that stage and sing one of my favorites," she announces as the _waitress_ turns and reluctantly and heads towards the bar.

I feel Ashley try to move closer to me but I cease her movement with a stiff arm. Turning to her, I convey my disapproval over what has just transpired with every muscle of my face.

"Spence…" she begins and I cut her off, angrily.

"Really, ASH," I spat out in disgust, shuddering at the thought that some stranger thinks its okay to call her that.

"Baby, stop it." She has my face in her hands and is looking at me seriously as her lips move towards my own.

And as much as I would normally have no defense to those lips, in this movement I am utterly, totally and completely…

_Pissed. _

I am about to tell her exactly how disgusted I am at this moment, when the _waitress_ reappears with two vodka drinks and sets them down in front of us.

"Sooo…the mike is all warmed up and ready for you Ash," she says with the same degree of familiarity that has been digging into my gut since she first walked up and interrupted my perfect night with my wife.

"Ok, ok, Marissa," Ashley chuckles as she picks up her drink and takes a long sip. "Baby…come sit closer," she instructs as she nudges me out of the booth.

Standing, I feel my legs go a little weak as I pick my drink up.

I have not drank this much since Lyla…no, since Bo was born…and I am all the sudden unfamiliar with the lightheadedness and tingle in my limbs.

I feel Ashley take my hand and pull me to a stool sitting next to the stage. She bends down and kisses my lips before pulling back and giving me her _look_.

And she has many looks but this one says _trust me_.

I scoot my stool to the bar and turn so I can lean back. As tipsy as I am feeling, I still allow myself to sip on the drink my new 'favorite person' has brought me as Ashley takes a guitar out of a case sitting near the back of the bar, and slowly begins to tune it.

And I am in awe at how she knows what to listen for as she slides her fingers up and down, quickly leaning her head into the body of the guitar, apparently looking for the right resonance.

Finally clearly satisfied with the sounds coming out and vibrating against her fingers, she moves to the stage and takes a seat on a stool, sitting in the center. She takes a long hard look at me, and I take a longer, harder sip off my drink, my glare softening a bit as I hear the first strums of the song she has selected to sing.

At the insistence of our _waitress_, mind you me...

Please come to Boston  
For the springtime…  
I'm stayin' here with some friends  
And they've got lots of room…  
You can sell your photos on the sidewalk…

_(she smiles at this change from paintings to photos...as if I do not know this song…)_

By a cafe where I hope to be workin' soon…  
Please come to Boston  
She said no, would you come home to me?

And She said, hey ramblin' girl  
Why don't you settle down  
Boston ain't your kind of town…  
There ain't no gold  
And there ain't nobody like me…  
I'm the number one fan  
Of the girl from Tennessee…

(she smirks as if I don't know I am not from Tennessee…)

Please come to Denver  
With the snowfall…  
We'll move up into the mountains  
So far that we can't be found…  
And throw I love you echoes  
Down the canyons…  
And then lie awake at night  
Until they come back around…  
Please come to Denver  
She said no…girl would you come home to me? 

And She said, hey ramblin' girl  
Why don't you settle down  
Denver ain't your kind of town  
There ain't no gold  
And there ain't nobody like me…  
Cause I'm the number one fan  
Of the girl from Tennessee

(same smirk…)

Now this drifter's world  
Goes round and round  
And I doubt if it's ever gonna stop…  
But of all the dreams  
I've lost or found  
And all that I ain't got…  
I still need to lean to  
Somebody I can sing to…

Please come to L.A.  
To live forever…  
A California life alone  
Is just too hard to build…  
I live in a house that  
Looks out over the ocean…  
And there's some stars  
That fell from the sky  
Livin' up on the hill…  
Please come to L.A.  
She just said no…  
Girl, won't you come home to me?

And She said, hey ramblin' girl  
Why don't you settle down  
LA can't be your kind of town  
There ain't no gold  
And there ain't nobody like me…  
I'm the number one fan  
Of the girl from Tennessee…

I'm the number one fan  
Of the band from Tennessee  
Tennessee

(Smirk…)

And although it's not perfectly meshed to our situation, I hear every word she is saying as if she wrote this song that was written over thirty-five years ago…

For me.

And US.


	11. Please Come to LA & Eat your Damn Fruit

Chapter 11: Please Come to LA…and Eat Your Damn Fruit

Ashley's POV

Spencer is leaving today, and I cannot seem to get back to sleep since our last lovemaking session.

Things were a little rough when we got back to the hotel the night after the 'Marissa incident'. Even though I sang her a few more love songs at the bar, she was pretty drunk when we left…and a drunk, jealous Spencer is a rather difficult Spencer.

We fought pretty badly on the way to the hotel, and even worse when I shut the door behind us as we arrived at our room.

Spencer was pissed because…well first because she thought I "emptied our savings" to tip Marissa, and tried to get on our account through her blackberry to check the balance.

Then she was pissed because she apparently thought I did not tell Marissa we were married, conveniently ignoring the fact that she called Spencer my girlfriend for more obvious reasons.

Then she was pissed because Marissa kept calling me Ash. And apparently that is a strange nickname for someone named Ashley.

Then she was pissed because she thought I wanted to move our family from L.A. to Tennessee, dragging out kids from their schools and away from their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

Then she was pissed because she fell over while trying to take her jeans off, and I am still not sure how that one was my fault.

And finally she was pissed because she could not find our strap-on in her suitcase, which was because it was in the nightstand, which apparently was nonsensical even though we had used it that morning.

And I was able to make her a little un-pissed when I opened the drawer, pulled it out, and threw her onto her back as I slid it on…

So now it's 3:30 in the morning, and she is snoring loudly, but I'M not pissed…because it's not her snoring that is keeping me awake.

It's her words before I left for Miami, about us not being _us_. About us constantly fighting and making up. And knowing this trip was important, and it ended in us…well…fighting and making up.

And we made up well, about four and a half times…and the half was because Spencer's intoxication was a little prohibitive. Not completely, but a little.

So I am watching her sleep, as I have done so many times before, but in between the skips of my heartbeat at her perfect face resting lightly on the pillow, and my stifled chuckles at her lumberjack snores, I feel remorse and worry setting in.

Remorse that I allowed that stupid waitress act like such a jackass and make Spencer jealous and uncomfortable.

Worry about her leaving today and going back to work with Bree, and that I won't be home for another week.

And I miss my kids, and I know I have been irritating Spencer when it comes to them, though I have been trying to put my foot down more, especially with our son.

And I even think back to those girls at that restaurant in New York and the things they said about me and my childhood, and how they pitied my children for having a mom that apparently should be really messed up by now.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling as the minutes tick slowly by. I feel the bed shift a little and a warm body wrap over me and a soft face nestle into the crook of my arm. I wrap my arms around her tightly and pull her deeper into me, and hear her snoring pick back up.

I sigh, as I had secretly hoped she was stirring to make love again before the alarm clock went off. And though it was probably hours, it felt like mere minutes before the loud and intrusive buzzing fills the room.

…

"Hey, how are you," I whisper into the phone as I settle into the backseat of the town car that has whisked me away from the arena in Atlanta. It's late and my wife sounds tired as she yawns into the phone, and I feel that familiar guilt set in that I am keeping her from sleep for yet another night.

"Hey, baby. I am good. I am just reading a little," she replies, her voice extra quiet as I feel my heart sink into my chest. "How was your show?" she asks, and it almost seems she is feigning interest.

And I might just be reading into her tiredness, _and I probably am_, but I cannot shake the feeling that she doesn't really want to be talking to me at this moment.

"Oh, you know, the normal…" I respond quickly, not really wanting to talk about my concert. I'd rather talk about the kids and her day and how I am coming home in two days. "So what's new with the babies?"

"Well…" she chuckles softly and I sit up a bit, more than ready to hear what cute tale she has to tell about our children this time. "Lyla wants to get her ears pierced," she informs me, the amusement dripping from her tongue.

"Really," I respond, my amusement matching hers. "And what made her decide this?" I inquire as I close my eyes and create a vision of our daughter in my head.

"Well, she was playing in my jewelry box tonight before bed and she asked if I could put my heart earrings in her ears, and I had to explain to her that I couldn't because she doesn't have pierced ears," she continues and I laugh louder. "So of COURSE she asked what are pierced ears…kind of like it was something anatomical and not something you do to them," she explains and I can hear my curious little girl's inquires as if she is right next to me.

"So what did you tell her?"

"Well, I told her that it meant you had to get holes put in your ears with a gun…and that was the wrong choice of words because she immediately tensed up and her little face filled with fear," she tells me seriously and I feel my heart drop a little at the thought of my daughter getting scared about such a simple thing.

"Well did you explain to her that it's not THAT kind of gun," I inquire and she laughs.

Guns are a big no-no in our house.

"Yes, and I told her Mommy and Mama both have pierced ears and that it really only hurts for a second…like a shot…which made her start crying."

"Awww, my poor little baby. Way to go Spencer," I tease through a mixture of wanting to comfort our daughter and sheer amusement at the whole situation.

"Well, I then explained to her that it hurts less than a shot, and then you get to wear all sorts of pretty earrings like Mommy and Mama, and that someday when she was bigger she would be ready to get her ears pierced," she concludes proudly.

"And how did she handle that explanation?" The amusement has taken over completely as I shift a little, feeling the car come to a halt in front of my hotel.

"Well, she informed me she would be tough and would not cry when she got her ears pierced, and that her Mommy had lots and lots of 'piercesteces'," she explains through muffled laughter, and I lose it at this. "Oh, and she told me that Mommy kinds of cries a lot when she gets hurt so if Mommy can get lots and lots of 'piercesteces' then she could too," she concludes and I can barely gather my belongings as I climb out of the car.

"Cries a LOT?" I exclaim, slightly offended by this untrue accusation.

"Hey, she's a smart and perceptive little girl," she teases as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Oh, and Bo asked if boys could get their ears pierced," she says flatly as any control I had gained over myself is yanked away.

"Oh, GOD," I moan as her laughter echoes through the phone. "And dare I ask what you told him?"

"I said if a boy wants to pierce his ears, he can do whatever he wants, but that HE was not going to pierce his ears until he was 18 and out of our control." And I know the last part is made up but it amuses me to no end, nonetheless.

"AW…I miss them, babe," I inform her sadly and I hear her sigh into the phone.

"They miss you, too, Ash," she assures me as I unlock the door to my suite and walk inside the big, empty, and lonely room.

"And I miss you," I continue as she sighs more loudly.

"I know you do. And you'll be home soon," she replies. "And I believe you promised your son some big surprise, and thanks by the way. He has not stopped obsessing about it since you left," she moans and I laugh again.

"Yeah, sorry about that. But I will make good on my promise," I…well…promise her.

I hear her chuckle and stifle another yawn and reluctantly realize I need to let her go.

"Ok, sweetheart, get some sleep. I will call you in the morning," I tell her softly as I slide down onto the bed.

"Ok, you get some sleep too. I wish you were coming home tomorrow. I love you," she whispers.

"I love you, too Spence. I'll be there before you know it. Sweet dreams."

_If only._

…

As I push my keys into the front door, I sigh and glance at my watch. My flight was delayed and instead of getting home at 4:45 like was intended, it's 11:30 and I know my kids are in bed, and my wife is probably once again trying to stay up waiting for me.

The house is dark and silent and I tip-toe up the stairs as to not awaken my babies. Pushing the door open softly I find Spencer lying on her side, the bedside lamp the only thing lighting the room. Her reading glasses are sitting next to her on the bed.

She looks so beautiful and peaceful that I contemplate slipping in next to her and trying not to waken her, but I am not sure I have the willpower.

I undress completely and walk over to flip the lamp off and then tip-toe to the other side of the bed and crawl in slowly, lifting the covers so I can climb underneath. I pull my body against her and feel her stir lightly.

"Hey, baby, sorry. Don't wake up," I urge her, but as she turns to face me, I know my quiet pleas are in vain.

"Hey, what time is it?" she asks through sleepy, confused eyes.

"Almost midnight," I inform her apologetically as I lightly brush her sweaty hair from her eyes.

She's a warm sleeper, and I love it because she keeps me warm every night. I barely need covers with her next to me.

And it's adorable how sweaty and disheveled she looks when she wakes up from her warm slumber.

"I'm sorry I feel asleep, babe," she tells me softly through a small yawn.

"Don't apologize, baby. I am sorry my plane was so late," I assure her as I lean down to kiss her lips. She returns the kiss and I pull her to me and stroke her arm softly. "I am sad I didn't get to see the kids tonight," I tell her with sad eyes.

"I know. They were pretty bummed, but at least tomorrow is Sunday," she reminds me as she strokes my bare back, eliciting a soft moan.

I deepen my kisses, hoping she is not too tired to welcome me home, and fight to hide the disappointment as she pulls back and curls her body into mine and nuzzles her face into my chest.

"You're tired, baby," I acknowledge as I strengthen my hold on her.

"Yeah, sorry Ash. Let's get some sleep," she whispers into my neck.

I nod and kiss her head. "I'm glad to be home."

…

"Ashley, he is not getting up from this table until he finishes his fruit," she announces impatiently as I start to clear Bo's plate.

"Mama, I don't WANT to eat my fwuit," he informs her. "Mommy said I could be done," he continues too confidently as my wife looks disapprovingly from him to me.

_Shit_.

"I don't want to eat my fwuit eiva," Lyla pipes in. "Mommy doesn't make us eat ouw fwuit," she adds with the same confidence her brother had just displayed.

_Why?_

"Well I don't really care what Mommy does, you are going to eat your fruit or you are not watching cartoons this morning," she threatens.

_OUCH. _

_I don't care what Mommy does, huh?_

"That was pretty un-called for," I whisper, the hurt of her words displayed all over my face.

"Well since when do our children not have to eat their fruit?" she retorts coldly as she rises from the table and walks to the sink, taking a bite of orange for emphasis as she rinses her own plate.

"Bo, Lyla, Mommy never said you don't have to eat your fruit," I plead with them, knowing full well kids don't lie.

"But Mommy, you said…"

"Bo, eat your damn fruit," I hear her yell and we all three jump in unison.

"Spencer!" I whip around in shock as I see her face crumble at the realization of what she has just done and said.

And Bo and Lyla are both crying within seconds.

_Great first morning home… _


	12. Skipping Movies and Skipping Intimacy

Chapter 12: Skipping Movies and Skipping Intimacy

Spencer's POV

I've been upstairs with our children for an hour, trying to calm their tears, explaining to them that their Mama did not mean what she said in the kitchen earlier.

I am not sure where Ashley is, and though my priorities are currently comforting Bo and Lyla and making them feel safe and loved, I know I need to do the same thing with her, and I feel a little anxious as I stroke Lyla's little head as she nestles into my neck and the shakes and hiccups still. I have Bo wrapped in my free arm and am kissing his head over and over as I continue to reassure them both how much their Mama loves them and is sorry.

Once I am satisfied that they are sufficiently calmed and comforted, I suggest they watch a move in Mommy and Mama's bed. They agree on _Cars_, and I tuck them snuggly under the covers and hit play on the DVD player.

"Bo, Lyla, Mama is going to go downstairs and talk to Mommy," I tell them gently as I give them both another kiss on their little foreheads. "You guys watch the movie and I will be up to check on you in a little bit, okay?"

The both nod sweetly and Lyla smuggles into her big brother. My heart melts a little at their innocence.

"You want Mama to get you some chocolate milk?" I suggest and they both nod slowly, neither of their gazes leaving the television. "Ok, my little loves, I will be right back."

I quickly make my way downstairs, not seeing Ashley anywhere, and pour two sippies of chocolate milk and deliver them with two more kisses before leaving them to search for my wife. I check the music room and do not find her there. I then search a bit frantically for a note, perhaps telling me that she has gone out, but see nothing on the kitchen counter where we typically leave notes for one another. Finally, I glance out the back door and see her sitting on the deck staring blankly out towards the ocean.

Taking a long, slow breath, I pull the slider open and step out into the afternoon sun.

She does not avert her gaze from the shoreline and I sink into a chair and search for what she might be looking at, but realize quickly there is nothing out there that could be catching her interest.

"Ash…" I begin slowly as I contemplate trying to grab a hand or an arm, or even touching her at all. Deciding against it, I lean forward a bit and try to catch her eyes.

"Baby…" I continue and she glances quickly at me, her eyes red and sad, before moving back to the non-existent object she is focusing so hard on.

"You don't care what I do…" she whispers distantly and I feel something collapse around my heart and squeeze tightly.

"Honey, I didn't mean it like it came out," I try in vain to assure her as I see a single tear slip down her face. The restraint I had exercised earlier weakens as I reach up to brush it away. I see her close her eyes as she appears to swallow what I assume is a lump in her throat as I feel one forming in my own.

"I don't know what I have done to lose your respect," she continues as she reaches one hand up and begins rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, baby, you haven't lost my respect. Not one bit," I tell her desperately as I move my chair to come around in front of her. I place my hands gently on both of her shoulders and lean down to try to look her in the eyes but she does not open them or lift her face.

"Ashley, look at me," I urge her gently. "Look at your WIFE," I emphasize as I see her eyes open slowly.

The whites of her eyes are bright red and I feel the string that she has attached to my heart, the one that is tied deeper into the center and more rope-like than string-like, yank so hard I think it's going to pull my heart right out of my chest.

"What's happening to us, Spence?" she asks so sadly that I can now feel the skin over my heart tightening as the rope yanks more firmly.

"Baby, we are just going through a rough patch," I assure her as I rub my hands up and down her quivering arms. "Honey, it happens to every couple and you and I, though sometimes we think we are some huge exception to every rule, are no different in that respect," I try to explain as I begin rubbing small circles on her biceps with my thumbs.

"But we ARE different," she protests as she shakes her head, almost violently and pulls from my grip, standing to walk to the ledge of our deck, and then bending over it, resting her face against clasped hands.

I see her thin body start to convulse and I know she is crying again. I stand and walk over to her, standing behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist, burying my face in her neck. I feel hot tears pouring down my face and covering her bare shoulder.

"We cannot keep doing this in front of them, Spence," she chokes out and I nod against her skin. "It isn't fair to either of them," she continues and I nod more profoundly as I begin kissing her shoulder blade.

"I know, baby," I agree as she turns in my arms. Face to face, we exchange pain-filled stares which linger until a small voice interrupts the subtle messages we are trying to convey to one another.

"Mommy, Mama, the movie is skipping ow somefin," Bo tells us softly and we both turn to find a confused little boy staring timidly at us from the small opening in the sliding glass door.

"Ok, buddy, I will come see if I can fix it," Ashley promises him as she slips from my embrace and follows our son into the house and up the stairs.

I turn and stare out at the water and rub my swollen eyes.

_What are we going to do?_

…

"So Lyla's birthday party…" Ashley says quietly, a mixture of an announcement and a question.

"Yeah, I know…you have any ideas?" I ask her, silently thinking that planning her fifth birthday might be just the type of joint endeavor we need to get back on the same team…

I laugh inwardly at the metaphor, knowing full well neither of us would ever consider playing for the other team again.

I catch her looking quizzically at the huge smile that has spread across my face at this thought, and just shake my head, signaling to her that she 'doesn't want to know…'

The confusion melting slightly away, she turns to face me and props her head on one hand. "Well, yeaaahh…" she draws out slowly as her eyes twinkle slightly. I set my book on the nightstand and take my reading glasses of and set them atop my book. Turning to her, I prop my head on one hand and widen my eyes, always excited about an 'Ashley idea'.

"Okay, shoot," I urge as she smiles a bit shyly and bites her lip, tugging it gently a few times before continuing. "Well, let's have a mini-carnival like we did for Bo's fifth birthday," she suggests. "It's only fair really," she chuckles, remembering the spectacle we threw for our son a couple of years ago.

I swear if you are not careful, you could still step on petrified pony doo-doo on the beach near our house.

I smile lovingly at her and nod my head. "I think that would be pretty appropriate, babe," I assure her as I reach out to grab one of her hands into my own. I feel her tense a bit, and a pang of hurt and sadness rushes over me.

Apparently seeing the reaction on my face, I feel her soften as she pulls me into her arms. I relax against her and feel her stifle a powerful yawn.

She reaches over and flips off the lamp and then kisses my head. "Goodnight, Spence," she whispers as I nestle further into her warm but slightly tense body.

"Night, Ash," I reply as I drift off into restless sleep.


	13. Writer's Block

Chapter 13: Writer's Block

Ashley's POV

I scribble another sentence violently off the page and grab my brown curls, almost pulling a chunk out in frustration.

_Where did I go wrong here? _

Song writing used to be so much easier for me. And usually, in times of uncertainty, lyrics seem to pour from my brain onto the paper.

_So where did I go wrong? _

_And where did my pencil go?_

Oh yeah…I flung it across the room before I nearly guaranteed myself the need for a hair piece.

Setting my guitar down, I collapse onto the floor and fumble around until I find the pencil tucked half-way under the love seat in my music room.

Sitting back down I crumple the disastrous page up and pull a clean sheet from a stack of blanks and tap the pencil against my temple a few times.

_Where did I go wrong…_

I glance over at a picture of me and Spencer on our wedding day. We are standing on the beach, and her face is cupped softly in my hands. Our white dresses are blowing slightly in the breeze, our wedding jewelry sparkling brightly in the summer sun, and our faces are sparkling even more brightly. She has her hands around my waist and her head is tilted in her 'Spencer way'.

And then my hand begins moving across the page…feeling like it is not even attached to my body.

_  
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?  
_

I scratch the title furiously across the page, the words ringing in my ears….

_I must have surrendered,  
Surrendered, myself…  
Looking into your eyes  
That night…_

And I feel my stomach drop, hoping the next words which are pouring from my fingers are not foreshadowing ANYTHING…

_The night you just turned and  
Walked away from me  
Without saying a single word…_

Oh baby, I'm lost…  
Where did I go wrong?

And I keep writing…choking back tears as I continue to hope this will just be a good break-up song for my fourth album, and not an autobiography…

_  
You must have taken,  
Taken, my heart along  
That night…  
The night you left me standing there  
All alone  
Cuz baby, my ability to love is gone…  
And just like you, it's nowhere in sight…  
Nowhere to be found…_

_Oh baby, where did I go wrong?  
Without you, I am lost…_

And as the tears come pouring, full force, as I pick up my guitar and begin putting the chords to the fear I feel inside…

…

"Babe, come here for a second," I hear her call as I place my guitar into its stand and wipe my tired and swollen eyes.

Tucking the song into my desk drawer, I walk out into the living room and find her sitting on the couch with her cell phone to her ear. She smiles apologetically as she holds a finger up to me, signally to me to _hold on for a second_.

I sink down onto the couch and listen as she talks to the person on the other end.

"Yes, that's correct…" she states, and I have no idea what she is doing. She nods slowly and continues. "Yes, just one, and we want strawberry and bubble gum."

_Cotton Candy Machine. _

I smile at her as she jots a few notes down into her planner and snaps it shut.

"Yes, you can charge the same card," she nods again and looks briefly at me before flipping her planner back open. "Okay, sure. PX542TSU," she repeats the confirmation number and flips the planner shut again, rolling her eyes in slight irritation, clearly done with this phone call. "Perfect. Thanks so much. We will see you on Saturday," she concludes and hits end on her phone.

"Jesus, you'd think I was planning the next Inauguration," she kids as she turns to face me.

"So the cotton candy is a go?" I ask through raised, excited eyebrows and she chuckles softly.

"Oh, it's a go, babe. $350.00 and a $500.00 DAMAGE DEPOSIT," she emphasizes, "it better be a go." She rolls her eyes and I clutch my chest and fall back against the couch. I hear her laugh loudly and open one eye to her.

"Someone needs to finish her album, huh?" I smirk as she shakes her head and laughs again.

"YES. Mama needs a new pair of clown shoes," she replies and I erupt.

_I did not just write an autobiographical song_, I promise myself as I pull her to me and kiss her firmly.

"Thank you for all you are doing, honey," I tell her earnestly. "I am sorry I have not been much help planning our Princess' party," I apologize sheepishly. "I am just trying to get a few songs ready to present to Ethan and I am having a serious case of writer's block," I explain to her, exhaustedly.

"I know, baby. It's okay," she assures me as she kisses me again. "It's not a big deal." She strokes my cheek a few times before continuing. "Just promise me you will deal with those fuckers at that bullshit Rent-a-Clown place," she groans and I join her.

My baby hates clowns enough as it is, and Bo's fifth birthday extravaganza did not help matters.

Flashback

"Where the fuck are the clowns?" she whispers impatiently as I am trying to herd 12 five year-olds to the picnic tables set up on the beach.

"I don't know, honey," I whisper back through a smile and gritted teeth as I pick Lyla up and set her in a booster seat next to the birthday boy.

"Well…" she grits back as she glances back towards the house and then back to me. "The fucking clowns were supposed to be here an hour ago and were SUPPOSED to deliver the cake."

"Baby, the children might hear you," I lecture her as I smile down at our son and widen my eyes at him as he glances back and forth between us, signaling he is ready for whatever might come next.

"WELL…then unless you can make an F'ING clown magically appear with an F'ING cake, I am not going to stop saying F."

I stifle a laugh and look desperately at her, my face conveying my apology that the clowns I had INSISTED on have failed to show and that we effectively have no cake.

"Babe, start a game and I will fix this," I promise her as I kiss her cheek.

...

I am flying down the road, glancing in the mirror repeatedly as I apply more red lipstick to my mouth.

Slamming the car in park, I frantically pull the box from the back seat and stumble down to the beach, trying not to trip over the huge red shoes on my feet.

Finally, after tripping several times, I am standing at the edge of the party, a huge make-shift cake in my arms, a curly red wig on my head, a round red piece of foam on my nose and huge red clown shoes on my feet. I am swimming in a red, orange, yellow, green and blue striped 'onesie".

And $550.00 and a few curse words later, there is now a clown delivering our son's birthday cake.

I hear the excited screams and giggles of the children and watch as she turns to see what the fuss is all about.

And when her eyes lock on mine, all previous anger and irritation melts away and I see tears glisten in her eyes. She moves towards me and starts to lean in to pull me to her but I pull my arms up in protest.

"Honey, Bo and Lyla won't understand why Mama is kissing the clown," I warn her and she giggles as she shakes her head.

"I FUCKING love you," she whispers as I move towards the table, setting the cake in front of our son, while urging the guests to begin singing 'Happy Birthday.'

…

End of Flashback

"Okay, okay, I will call the clown store," I promise her as I kiss her lightly on her lips. "And I will pay a special visit on Friday, and I will be packing so they know how serious we are this time," I add through a raised eyebrow.

"Packing, eh?" Her eyebrow has raised a bit as well, and she stands up suddenly and is up the stairs in seconds flat.

Turning to glance back down at a very stunned ME, she disappears down the hallway.

_Thank you Nanna and Pop for taking the kids on this sunny Sunday afternoon. _

**AN: A very special thanks to participant JaydeDM who wrote a poem that ended up as the song Ashley wrote in this chapter. She is a fan of my stories and shared her beautiful words with me, and I do not wish to pass them off as my own. And as a guitar player, I have been trying to put those words to music. And if I ever do, JaydeDM and I are going to make some money. LOL. **


	14. Playing With the Queen of Hearts

Chapter 14: Playing With the Queen of Hearts

Ashley's POV

"Where are you?" I ask impatiently into the phone.

"Babe I will be there soon," she replies breathlessly. "Bree, grab the tri-pod and set this up on it," I hear her instruct HER.

"Hey, can you tell her to then shove that tri-pod up her…"

"Ashley Davies, ENOUGH!" she shouts in exasperation as I hear her fumbling on the other end of the line. "Babe, I have to go if I am going to finish this session and get home."

"Okay, okay, but can you hurry pleeease…" I beg as I try to pull Lyla's dress over her wiggling body while pointing at Bo's flip flops, signally for him to put them on.

It's Lyla's birthday party day and I have been trying to juggle two impatient children all morning while doing all of the decorating and dealing with vendors on my own. Of course, I realize all of those vendors are only here in the first place because of all of her planning and organizing, with little help from me, but I am conveniently forgetting this as I have been staring at my watch intermittently throughout the morning, wondering when she is going to get home to help me.

Ok, clearly not really forgetting this but barely acknowledging to anyone other than myself.

She, however, is quick with the acknowledgement.

"Ash, I am doing the best I can," she whispers, probably through gritted teeth. "It's not too much for me to expect you to handle this part of it, now is it?" Her voice is low and curt, and I fight to control the defensiveness that is boiling up inside of me.

"NO, I got it, Spence," I retort just as curtly. "See you when you get here." And I hang up without saying goodbye, silently cursing myself for that little maneuver, knowing full well it probably pissed her off.

"Son, can you go find Lyla's while sandals with the blue flowers?" I request sweetly, trying to mask my growing irritation at her absence.

"Which ones, Mommy?" he asks, his eyes glued to the cartoons on the television in the living room as he stands in the kitchen, still fumbling to get his own shoes on his feet.

I am sure it would be going much more smoothly if I turned the television off.

"HEY, MOMMY! I was watchin that!" he cries and I whip my head around to stare sternly at him.

"Bo, Mommy needs your help. Please just go to Lyla's room and bring me her sandals."

"But I don't know which ones you's talking abowt Mommy!" he protests.

"Bo, her WHITE sandals with the BLUE flowers," I repeat. "I just told you that." I soften my voice a little and continue urging him to help his Mommy. "Bubs, I know you know which ones I am talking about. Please just go look."

"Awight, Mommy. Wywa, you wanna come help yo brova find ya sandals?" he asks his sissy sweetly and she nods and follows him up the stairs.

And before I realize it, twenty minutes have passed and they have not returned. I have been so wrapped up with pointing the 'carnies' down to the beach and telling them where to set up shop that I have barely realized this.

Making my way up the stairs and into Lyla's room, the kids are nowhere to be seen.

"Bo, Lyla, where are you?" I yell down the hall as I open Bo's door.

"In yow room, Mommy," I hear my son yell back and I open the door and gasp.

Bo has my make-up bag open on the floor and our daughter is…well on her way to looking like the entertainment for this party and not the guest of honor.

"BO!" I cry out as I rush towards them and grab the tube of pink lip stick from his little hands. "What are you doing, son?" I question him as I scoop Lyla up and carry her into the bathroom.

"Mommy, Wywa wanted to put on make-up for hew party," he explains proudly as I stare at my little girl's face. She has uneven streaks of bronzer all over her face, blue and green eye shadow in more uneven streaks above her huge brown eyes, and pink lipstick smeared across her lips.

"Mommy, I wook pwetty," she informs me.

I swear to God, if she didn't look so hilarious checking herself out in our huge bathroom mirror, I would be in full-on panic mode. Especially in light of the fact that traces of the powdery make-up have fallen all over her white and blue dress, smudging the front to the degree of not-wearable for her party.

"Baby girl, you are beautiful, but Mommy is going to just wash some of this off," I inform her as she starts to cry.

"NO MOMMY, I want to wawe this make-up!" she protests through her tears.

And full-on panic mode is upon me.

"Sweetheart, we'll leave some make-up on, but it's just too much," I try to explain as I wet a wash cloth and begin rubbing her little face.

"Mommy, you doesn't think I did a good job?" Bo asks sadly.

_Spencer, where are you? _

…

"Why is Lyla not wearing the dress we bought?" Spencer inquires with just a bit too much disapproval for my taste as she sets her purse and keys on the counter approximately twenty minutes before the guests are set to arrive.

"Spence, not now," I groan as I clasp a pink bow in Lyla's brown curls to match the pink gingham dress I selected from her closet…after removing the tarnished birthday dress moments ago.

"Well, what happened? And why is Lyla wearing lipstick?" she continues with more disapproval.

"SPENCER, I don't have time. Can you just run down to the beach and make sure the tables are set up?"

"But I need to change," she informs me as she starts up the stairs.

"Fine, I got it dear," I mumble. "Kids, I am going to turn the TV back on. Please just stay on the couch and don't move until I get back," I beg them. "Spence, don't let our make-up out of your sight," I call up the stairs behind her as she turns and gives me a confused look, which slowly fades into one of knowing as she nods and disappears down the hallway.

As I am about to slip out the backdoor so I can go check on the carnival status, I hear the doorbell ring. Groaning loudly, I walk to the door and yank it open.

"Kyla, thank GOD you are here," I exclaim as I pull her into a desperate hug.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, sis. What's going on?" She shuffles her presents as she pulls back and looks at me with concern, and I glance to see Aiden sitting in the car on his cell phone.

"Nothing….everything. Ky, can you watch the kids and make sure they don't get into anything. I need to go check on the party." I fly through my words and she sets her gifts on the bar and grabs me by both shoulders.

"Ash, calm down…breathe…" she urges me. "I got it under control. Go do what you need to do," she urges me and I smile gratefully at her.

"Bo Bo, Lyla-Lou, Auntie Kyla's here!" she exclaims as she saunters into the living room and is met with excited squeals.

_Just wait, my calm, cool and collected sister. _

_JUST WAIT._

…

"Ashley, those fucking clowns…" Spencer spats as I glance over to see one standing near the edge of the deck, tucking a marijuana pipe into his huge pocket.

"Spencer, wouldn't you have to be high to act like an idiot for a bunch of screaming kids?"

I am not sure why I am defending this idiot, but for the second time, the clowns are screwing up, and the clowns were my idea, and I am not going to go to Party Central again this year, so baked clowns will have to do.

"Ashley, it's unacceptable," she shoots back and I feel myself get angry quickly.

"You know what, Spence. If you want to tell them to leave, go right ahead. I'll let you explain it to the children," I half threaten her just as Chelsey walks up to us.

Sensing the tension between us, she knowingly intervenes. "Wow, you guys outdid yourself this year," she exclaims, trying to lighten the mood. "Those clowns are dope," she deadpans and I cannot help but laugh and smile at her.

"Hilarious, Chels," Spencer moans but cannot stifle the laughter as she shakes her head and walks over to join her parents at the adult table.

"You guys okay?" she asks me softly as she helps me clear half-eaten hot dogs and hamburgers from in front of the children, and throws the plates into the large trash can we have set up at the corner of the party.

"I don't know, Chels," I inform her sadly. "I really don't know…"

…

I am sitting defeatedly on a picnic table bench, watching our mothers assist with pony rides, watching Spencer and her brother sipping beers and apparently engaged in a debate over God knows what, watching Kyla and Aiden and Chelsey laughing uncontrollably as Arthur attempts to beat Baked-Zo the Clown in a juggling competition, and watching the sun begin to set over the perfect blue waters.

_Why is everyone else having so much fun? _

_And why am I not? _

Just then I feel a stare upon me and I lift my tired eyes to meet a blue that rivals any ocean in all of the world.

She makes her way over to me and slides down onto the bench next to me.

"Hey…" she says softly as she wraps an arm around my back and pulls me closer to her. "Smashing success," she assures me as I close my eyes for a minute.

"You did good, Spence," I reply.

"No, WE did good," she insists and I nod my head.

I open my eyes to stare into hers and before I can lean in to kiss my wife, I am interrupted by the older brunette and blonde.

"Girls, should we do presents now?" Paula asks, pointing to the overflowing table of gifts our guests have brought for our daughter.

"Yes, sure," I agree as I rise to help our mothers round up the children.

…

"Where in the hell are we going to put all of this?" she chuckles as we drop the last arm loads of toys and clothing and books onto the living room floor, Bo, Lyla, Rocco and Regan already tearing into several of the new treasures and playing together on the floor in front of the television.

"Chelsey? Glen?" I suggest and they both shake their heads violently.

"Oh, hell no," Glen announces, shooting down my idea. "Have you seen our play room?" he smirks and we all laugh in acknowledgement.

"Hey, Aiden, Kyla, you have any interest in a Dolly Surprise? Her pretty hair grows right before your eyes," I try to tempt them as I hand the doll to my sister.

"They still make these things?" she asks in amazement as she presses the button on the dolls back and the synthetic ponytail slowly extends a few inches.

"I know…" I agree as she places in on the kitchen table and shakes her head.

Our parents have already said their goodnights, and Aiden had enthusiastically suggested beers and card games after the kids were put to bed. Rocco and Regan were going to stay over, as were their parents and Aunt and Uncle should the night go where we anticipate it might.

"So…who wants to try to put these little ones to bed?" I inquire as I glance from face to mortified face, no one rising to the occasion. "Oh, come on, a little help here!" I exclaim as Glen pulls the refrigerator door open and begins handing out bottles of beer.

"Sis, I am off-duty," he informs me as he cracks his open and gulps loudly.

"Pussy," I reply and smirk at him, reminding him of where this little battle could lead.

"Sis, Auntie Kyla would love to tuck the little loves in for the night," Kyla announces with the confidence only an Aunt with no children of her own can muster up.

_She has NO idea. _

"Oh, sis, that would be super," I encourage her, holding back any warnings of the difficulties of getting the cousins to actually go to bed during a sleep over. "You just let us know if you need ANY help," I continue sweetly and innocently as I grab a beer for myself and shoot an amused look at my wife, who is staring at Kyla with the same innocence.

"Yes, Ky…you know where their P.J.'s are right? And Chels," she continues, exchanging amused looks with our sister-in-law, "you packed jammies for your two, right?"

"Yep, their bags are already upstairs," she nods as she bites her bottom lip and glances over at the rowdy foursome, playing an intense game of Candyland (REDUX).

"Ok, kiddos," Kyla calls as she enters the living room. "Auntie Kyla is gonna put you all to bed," she announces, using all the wrong words at the exact wrong time.

And the moans of protest fill the room, causing the more experienced parents to burst into laugher.

"Good for you babe," Aiden encourages her as he continues sipping on his beer.

"Oh, _Babe_, you are coming with me," she informs him, and he groans as she takes his hand and we watch the two of them attempt to shuffle the protesting children up the stairs.

And I think…if I close my eyes and strain my ears just enough…

Yep, I just heard both of their clocks come to a grinding halt.

…

"Oh, GOD, not another King," Glen moans as we all lift our beers and signal to him to get ready for hell.

We each pour a little into the cup in the center.

_And by a little, I mean a LOT. _

And I am pretty sure we are making new rules again. Every time we play this game no one can seem to remember what each card means, and despite Spencer's constant insistence we write it down so that the next time we play we will remember the rules, we never have.

"Chug it, pussy," I instruct him as he lifts the center cup to his lips and starts to gulp down the liquid.

"Gross…it's warm," he groans as he continues chugging. Wiping his lips, he continues to complain. "And baby, do you really have to be drinking wine right now?"

Chelsey laughs loudly as he finishes the beer and wine cocktail and slams the cup onto the table.

"I hate beer, what can I say?" she reminds him innocently as she takes a sip of her Cab.

"Can we at least make a rule that you can't add wine to the…"

"NO!" we all respond in unison, cutting his complaint off abruptly.

"Ok, your turn, babe," I encourage Spencer as she draws a card from the circle.

"Queen," she groans. "I never…" and we all clap excitedly.

_By far the best category. _

"I never…" she draws out…apparently thinking hard. "I mean, what in the hell have I never done?" she winks at me and I laugh as I take a sip of my beer.

As I start to open my mouth to give her an idea, she cuts me off with a flat hand in the air. "Don't answer that," she scolds me and I feign shock.

"I was gonna say snorted coke," I lie and she glares at me playfully, knowing full well I was going to possibly remark on the one place she has never let me put it…

"Whatever, you were going to say 'taken it in the ass'," Kyla announces as she hiccups between sips of her beer.

"Jesus, Ky!" Aiden whips his head to face her and she laughs, along with the rest of us, and shrugs her shoulders.

"What, I know my sister," she reminds us all, and I shoot her a _shut the fuck up_ look before turning to face Spencer.

Who is shooting me a _what the hell have you told her_ look.

I shake my head reassuringly at her and urge her to continue.

"Okay, ANYWAY…I never…faked an orgasm with my current partner."

The boys clearly cannot raise a glass to this, but every single girl does.

Well every single girl but me.

And that exclusion does not include Spencer…in case you missed that.

"Wait, WHAT?" I cry in shock as she swallows the gulp of beer that is a signal to me that she has, in fact, faked an orgasm with ME.

Sensing the absolute horror this realization has caused me, I see the panic overtake her.

"You've never faked it with me?" she asks as if in shock as she sets her beer bottle onto the table.

"No," I respond flatly, averting my eyes to the cards and selecting one myself. "Ah…another Queen…the Queen of Hearts at that," I announce as I hold it up for the stunned crowd to see.

Not stunned about the card selection, mind you.

Stunned that this 'orgasm revelation' has just taken place in front of them all, and that one of the two of us has never done that, and is finding out for the first time the other has.

"Okay, well this is just getting good." The sarcasm is dripping from my mouth as I sit back and contemplate what other confessions I need to elicit from my wife.

"I've never humiliated my partner in front of all of her closest friends," I suggest smugly as I slam by bottle down on the table and signal Spencer to drink up.

"Ashley," she begins to protest as I see bodies shift uncomfortably in the seats around me.

"What, shouldn't you be finishing that beer by now?" I inquire as I reach over and grab it and lift it to her mouth.

"Okay…how about we switch to poker," Glen offers as he begins scooping up the cards and making a pile before shuffling them nervously as he glances back and forth between us.

"I'll get more beers," Aiden offers as he hops up and walks towards the refrigerator.

"I think I am going to turn in," I announce as I rise and push my chair in quickly. "You guys carry on." I insist as I sweep my hand across the table before turning to start up the stairs.

"Ashley, please stay," I hear a quiet voice beg. Swallowing hard, I turn back towards the table.

"Nah…poker involves bluffing and I am not really into that," I inform her. "But you go ahead. Win us the pot, baby," I conclude flatly as I leave the after-party.

…

I have not fallen asleep, as I knew I wouldn't, when I hear her enter our bedroom. I listen to her stumble around as she changes out of her clothing. The bed shifts slightly and I feel her body slide against mine.

"Ashley…"

I contemplate faking sleep…and feel my stomach turn at the word…but before I can make the decision, she states, "You're awake and I know it."

I turn slowly to face her, and am met with wide, sad eyes.

"Was there a reason you chose that category?" I ask her softly. "I mean, were you trying to tell me something you could not have told me at the time I was apparently failing to please you?"

"I don't know why I said that," she replies sheepishly as she sinks down onto the bed to lay closer to me, pulling her head so that she is inches away from my face. "I thought it was a funny question, and I didn't think about how it would make you feel," she insists as she reaches out to touch my cheek.

"I am not sure if it's the humiliation of you implying I don't know how to please you in front of them, or the realization that I don't know HOW to please you that bothers me the most," I inform her as I shudder, mostly at the second thought.

"Oh, baby, no one in this whole world would ever know how to please me like you do," she insists as I roll over onto my back to stare at the ceiling. "Honey, I am serious. You are mind-blowing every time," she continues, the desperation in her voice multiplying.

"So when was it?" I ask her as if in thousands of times we had made love that one moment of failure is going to ring any bells.

"Ash…"

"When was it?" I persist, my eyes not breaking from the spot of the ceiling my eyes are trying to burn a hole in.

"The last time we made love in Miami a few months ago," she admits quietly.

_Wait…what?_

I turn to face her, my eyes conveying the confusion I am feeling.

"Which time?" I implore, the sickness in my stomach beginning to dissolve.

"When I was fucking you and you told me to cum inside you. The last time…" she reminds me and I sit up a bit.

"You mean when you almost passed out on top of me?"

And she nods.

"And I wasn't doing anything to you?" I continue, and she nods again.

"And that was really the only time ever?" I beg as I sit up and cross my legs.

"The ONLY time EVER," She assures me.

And I believe her.

Those eyes don't lie.

"Babe, I am so sorry that I embarrassed you, and that I made you doubt yourself for a single second," she whispers as she leans in towards me.

But as she kisses me, I feel myself hold back.

I guess I was scared that tonight might be number two…


	15. Rocky, Not Rockin’, Robin

Chapter 15: Rocky, Not Rockin', Robin

Spencer's POV

I swallow hard as I glance nervously back to the entrance again. Ashley is on her way to pick me up for lunch with Bo and Lyla, and it's truly uncomfortable…even miserable…every time she comes to the studio.

She does not even attempt to be cordial to Bree, and although months ago I understood and accepted it, by now it is getting old, and she just needs to get over it. The decision has been made and Bree has kept her end of the bargain thus far.

Speaking of Bree, I need her to look at some wedding shots and give me her opinion on which ones look best in black and white.

"Hey, Bree, can you help me make the final decision on the Burnett wedding pics before I finishing the edits and send the proofs," I holler as I hear her come from the back room.

"Sure." She sets an armload of books down and picks up her black, horn-rimmed glasses, placing them on her face before walking over to stand behind me.

"So they only want about ten or so black and whites, cause she is 'so in love with her colors', and I am having some trouble narrowing it down. What do you think of this one as a black and white?" I ask her as I double click on a proof of the bride and groom standing with their backs to the camera, staring out over the ocean from the edge of the deck at their reception.

"Huh…yeah that looks cool. I mean, I love the colors from the sun reflecting off of the water, but I think action shots from behind always look great in black and white," she explains as she leans down and in the get a closer look…

Just as the storefront door opens and my family comes bounding inside…

_Really_?

And OF COURSE Bree jumps back from me, making the whole thing look even less innocent than it actually was.

"Ashley, kids, hi!" She is stumbling over the three whole words she had to say, and I can almost see the daggers shoot from Ashley's eyes and piece her flesh.

"Yeah." Ashley retorts and yanks her eyes from Bree to rest on me, telling me 'See'?

"Bo Bo, Lyla, say hello to Bree," I encourage them, hoping that at least two of the three can be polite.

"Hi Bwee," the chime in unison as they each give her a small hug to her calves.

"Hi cutie pies," she replies as she tousles both of their heads. "You guys here to take your Mama to lunch?" she asks them enthusiastically as they nod their little heads.

"We get ta go to Wed Wobbin," Bo informs her as Lyla jumps up and down.

Ashley and I hate that place, but the kids love it because they get to play a game and get a treat from the machines after lunch. I mean, the food is actually pretty good but it just always takes a little bit too long to eat there…

"Groovy," she winks at him as she turns to face Ashley and I, who are locked in a stare down. "So you guys have fun and I'll see you when you get back," she nods as she returns to her desk and slides down into her chair, immersing herself in her computer screen.

"Ok, loves, you guys ready to go?" I ask as I throw my purse over my shoulder and grab Ashley's hand.

And as you probably can guess, she pulls her hand away, scoops Lyla up into her arms, and signals for me to grab Bo's hand as we all four exit the studio.

…

"Bo, you have to eat five more bites before you can be done," I inform our son, who is chomping at the bit to go play.

"You know," she whispers so he cannot hear her. "Studies show that kids who are forced to eat when they don't want to grow up to be over-eaters."

"Ashley…" I whisper back as I take a sip of my Diet Coke. "I get that you should not force-feed your kids, but he's barely eaten a thing," I point out as we both glance at the mainly untouched plate.

"Well, maybe he's not hungry," she continue to argue, and I know she knows full-well what Bo is doing, and that he can actually eat five more bites without us hurtling him into a future of childhood obesity.

I know she's pissed about Bree and I also know actually trying to talk about it probably will not help.

I slam my cup onto the table and glare at her. "Bo, five more bites or we are not playing and you are not getting a treat," I inform him as he takes a huge messy bite of his burger obediently.

"One…Two…Fwee…" he is barely chewing as he tries to get his five bites over with as soon as humanely possible.

"Bo, son, slow down. One bite at a time, please," I tell him patiently as he attempts to break down the ball of food in his cheek.

"Wow, no pleasing you today, huh?" she huffs and I feel all of the blood rush to my face.

"Fow…five…DONE!" our son exclaims through another way-too-full mouth of food.

"I'm done too, Mama," Lyla announces as she almost finishes the last of her chicken fingers.

Pushing my chair back, I completely avoid her eyes as I help our kids onto the floor. "Will you take care of the check?" I request glancing quickly at her, noticing her own barely touched food, and sensing the slight look of hurt on her face as I start to follow the children to the play area.

She says nothing as she pulls a credit card from her wallet and slides it into the check presenter as the server comes to whisk it away.

Moments later, Bo is playing a race car game and Lyla is riding a mechanical horse circa K-Mart 1985 when I feel her walk up next to me.

"I'm gonna go to Kyla and Aiden's tonight when you get home from work," she whispers and I turn to face her, having no idea what she means by this.

"Um…okay…for?"

She does not look at me as she continues. "I need a night away to clear my head."

And at this moment I am glad that I, too, did not eat much of my lunch, because I am pretty sure that if I had a little more in my stomach right now, we'd need a clean up in the game room.

…

"Mommy, wawe are ya goin'?" Bo inquires as she slings a small duffle over her shoulder and bends down to kiss his head.

"Mommy's just going to see Aunt Kyla for the night," she cryptically informs him as he turns almost knowingly to meet my sad eyes.

"Wewl, can I come wif you?" he pleads as he turns his attention back to his Mommy.

"Son, not this time. Mommy needs grown-up time with Aunt Kyla," she tries to explain, knowing full well he barely understands, much less accepts this explanation.

"Mommy, I wanna see Auntie Kywa too!" Lyla cries as she throws her arms around Ashley's legs as if she is threatening not to let her go.

And as I stare at the three of them, wrapped up together, Ashley trying to pry little fingers from her as she is clearly trying not to cry…and failing at both…I wonder if our children know more in their little heads and hearts than simply that their Mommy is going to see her sister.

And I see her look desperately at me, begging me to help her, but I refuse. I don't want her to leave tonight any more than our children clearly do not, and it's all I can do to not collapse to the floor and throw my arms around her legs as well.

Blinking back my own tears, I turn and walk into the kitchen and rest my head in my hands on the bar, trying to not let myself be totally overcome with my grief until I am alone in my bed tonight.

But that thought alone renders the internal battle useless as the hot tears flow like waterfalls down my cheeks.

Hearing the living room grow quiet, I turn to see her standing in the doorway, waiting for me to…well I am not sure I know what she is waiting for me to do.

"Can you come here for a second?" she whispers as she sets her duffle by the door.

"Why?" I choke out as I turn to fully face her, feeling almost betrayed that she would walk away from me, leave me for a night alone in our house, to deal with confused children and even more confused me.

"Spencer, just come here for one second, please?"

I feel my feet begin to move, one step in front of the other, but can barely feel the rest of the body attached to them as I stop inches away from her. She reaches out to pull me to her and grasps me tightly to her by my waist. I try to pull back a bit but her strong arms refuse to allow me to do so.

"Hey, it's just for a night," she begins as she slides her arms up my back, squeezes my shoulders a few times and then grips me firmly on both sides of my head. "I just need to breathe and I don't want to fight with you in front of the kids anymore," she continues as she is rubbing her fingers through my hair. "Babe, it's just a little cool down is all, and maybe Kyla can smack some sense into her big sister," she tries to tease me, but not a trace of amusement finds it way to my face as more tears fall.

Her fingers feel so good in my hair and at this moment, all I want to do is pull her to me and beg her not to go, and then spend the night wrapped up in each other's arms as we figure out what is wrong with us…together…

And I wonder as I close my eyes and melt into each stroke she makes against my head that if I said just that at this moment…would she stay?

I open my eyes to find her face close to mine, her eyes possibly searching mine for what I might be thinking.

_Please, baby, don't go…_

I lock my eyes on hers and concentrate harder.

_Baby, PLEASE stay…_

And she brings my lips to hers, kissing me slowly and tenderly before pulling back.

"I will call you in the morning, okay?" she whispers.

_I guess she didn't get the message. _

"Well, can you call me tonight before you go to sleep?" I request sadly as she pulls completely away and bends over to pick up her bag.

"Okay, honey. I just thought I might be up late with Ky and I don't want to wake you is all," she explains softly as she kisses my tear-stained cheek and nods her head.

"Well, then at least a text or something," I mumble through the lump in my throat as she nods and turns to leave.

And she could call me at four in the morning…cause I know I won't be sleeping tonight.


	16. Cold Sleeper

Chapter 16: Cold Sleeper

Ashley's POV

"You want a beer, Ash?" Kyla calls as she dips her head into the refrigerator and pulls two Corona's out.

"Sure, sounds good," I reply as I sink down onto the couch.

I glance at a picture on her and Aiden's coffee table.

It's the six of us…Glen and Chelsey, Aiden and Kyla, and me and Spencer. We are all huddled together on the beach around a bonfire. I think it was about nine years ago…before there were babies and maybe marriages?

Spencer is sitting in my lap and my arms are wrapped securely around her waist. She is leaning back into me and we are both smiling widely.

I feel my heart sink as I stare at her beautiful face, and begin to wonder what she is doing at home. I glance at my watch and see it is about 8:30. She is probably committing to the kids' bedtime as I often fail to do. And she is probably struggling with a confused little girl and a stubborn little boy.

And I feel guilty and sad and heartbroken as I picture her doing this without me there.

_Should I just go back home?_

The thought seriously plagues me as Kyla sinks down onto the couch next to me and hands me a beer.

I turn to my sister with glassy, red eyes and she shakes her head, confusion filling her own eyes as she takes a long sip of beer, urging me to do the same.

I sip slowly on the beer and feel the cold liquid trickle down my throat and land into the pit of my empty stomach. I feel a slight wave of nausea set over me, but continue drinking through it despite my better judgment.

"So, Ash…what's going on?" Kyla asks softly as she lightly but comfortingly pats my arm. "Talk to me sis," she urges as I turn my head to face her.

"I don't know where to start," I choke out as hot tears fall from my tired eyes.

"Well then just start talking, Ashley. It doesn't have to make perfect sense," she assures me. "Just tell me what you are thinking."

I take a long, deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, feeling the water being forced out quickly. I feel Kyla squeeze my hand and stroke it a few times with her fingers before I open my eyes again to look at her. She is staring at me with a mixture of confusion, sympathy and pity, and I feel myself begin to relax some, knowing I can truly tell my sister anything in this moment.

"God, Ky…where do I even start?" I breathe out as she reassures me again with a gentle squeeze to my now trembling hand, trying to still my shaking as I sit up a little and take another long, hard sip of the Corona which is continuing to burn a little as it attempts to fill the pit in my stomach.

"Just start at the beginning, I suppose," she suggests and I nod slowly.

"Well, I don't know. I guess it started several months ago when Spencer came to see me in New York," I begin before launching into the story about the two girls at the restaurant that night. I describe to her what I overheard them say about me and our mom and dad…and my apparent inability to be a competent mother.

She listens intently and shakes her head as I tell her about their cruel comments. As I finish recounting the story, she shakes her head even more violently and I see anger fill her kind eyes.

"Ashley, FIRST of all, those girls don't know you from Eve," she hisses and from the look on her face, I almost feel like the tables have turned and I need to comfort her. "And second of all, Ash…no one can even pretend to understand what you and I went through as kids. And we are not freaks…" She looks seriously at me before continuing. "In fact, I like to think that what we experienced as kids and even into our adult years with our family life made us capable to love in the way we can today."

I nod my head in agreement and smile at my strangely wise younger sister.

"So what else, Ash? What else is going on with you and Spencer? I don't believe for one moment that you are sitting here in tears, away from your wife and kids, because of a few ignorant comments from a couple of ignorant girls," she intuitively announces.

"Well, so there is also this thing with Spencer's employee, Bree."

Kyla's eyes grow wide and then fill with confusion, and I assume she started expecting the worst, though I also know she knows Spencer well, and is probably pretty certain she has never cheated on me.

"That funky tattoo and glasses chick?" she prods and I nod. "Well what?

She is sitting straight up on the couch now and I cannot help but hear how silly I must sound as I tell her what happened that day at the studio.

"Okay…so nothing happened, right?" she reminds me and I nod in agreement. "And she told you about this incident the day it happened?"

_Uggghhhh_.

"Yes."

"And she laid out some pretty strict ground rules for Bree for continued employment it sounds like."

_Jesus. YES!_

"But Kyla…" I try to protest as I continue to realize how possibly unreasonable I have been about this situation.

And I cannot decide if I am pissed at my sister for not taking my illogical side on this, or myself for having an illogical side to insist upon her taking.

"Now wait, Ashley. I get the jealously thing. Trust me, I have been there…" she lifts her beer and points the mouth to me, almost scolding me as she then tips it back towards her lips. "You should see some of the bimbos Aiden works with." She wrinkles her face in disgust and I see her shudder a bit as she continues. "I mean, I have seen a few fawn all over him right in front of me at his company events and trust me, I don't like it. Not ONE bit." Her voice momentarily increases in volume as she describes a few examples to me, and I listen intently, feeling her emotion and sympathy at the discomfort she has clearly felt from time to time.

"BUT, in the end, I know that he has done nothing wrong, and until he does…" she knocks her fist against the wooden coffee table in front of us, "I have to trust him. It's pretty much that simple," she concludes as she shrugs her shoulders.

"I know, Kyla. But what would you do if Aiden told you that one of those girls actually made a move on him?" I question her intently as I slide my legs underneath me and turn to face her completely, waiting intently for her response.

"Well, Jesus, Ash. Look at Aiden and Spencer? I mean, they could grace the cover of any fashion mag in the world, and we both know it."

I chuckle softly, acknowledging that we have both landed ourselves a couple of babes.

"And sorry, but I am gonna say it. We aren't anything to sneeze at ourselves," she smiles as I laugh more loudly. "I mean, you cannot possibly tell me you've NEVER been hit on since you and Spencer got together, right?" She looks at me in a manner which tells me that if I even try to bluff on this one she'll call it immediately. "Shit, I know I have. And you know what? It's flattering, and nothing more."

I look down at the bottle in my hands and begin scratching my nails over the label, which I note is not a sticker and I cannot frustratingly peel it off.

"You know I have, Ky," I agree, thinking about Marissa and the Miami incident which led to what I thought was hot make-up sex, only to realize that while it was hot, it also ended in tarnishing upon my previously perfect score with my wife. "In fact, it happened once in Miami with a waitress, right in front of Spencer," I sheepishly admit as I tell her the story.

Her face stays somewhat sympathetic but there is a hint of disapproval that washes over her, and I sense she feels her older sister can be a convenient hypocrite when she wants to be.

"And has Spencer held this over your head or something?" she inquires and I think hard about the question.

"Honestly, not really," I admit even more sheepishly as she rises to grab two more beers from the fridge. "I mean, it was pretty rough the night it happened, but I can't remember her bringing it up since then."

I smile a 'thank you' as she hands me a Corona and re-takes her seat on the other end of the couch.

"Okay, then what else?"

"Well, we just seem to get on different pages when it comes to decisions about the kids, and we get irritated and defensive with one another about those types of things, which leads to fights and miscommunications in general." I realize as I am stumbling with how to explain this to her, that it's because I really have no idea what the problem is.

"And have you guys tried to talk about all of that?" she asks me. "I mean, REALLY tried to talk?"

And I realize the answer is plain and simple.

"No." I glance at her with sad, defeated eyes and she returns the sadness, but her expression quickly shifts to a bit of sternness.

"Well, sis, don't you think it's time?" She nods at me as she takes a sip of her beer and I nod back.

"Okay, and not sure if this is a sister topic or not, but are you guys having any issues in the bedroom?" she asks, a bit hesitantly, waiting to see if I want to broach this subject with her.

"Honestly, I would not say that is a major issue. I mean, I think I have held back here and there for various reasons, and sometimes she is too tired…and I think in the past a little fatigue would not have stopped either one of us. But in the end, we are actually able to put a lot of things aside and go there…" I explain shyly, realizing that while Kyla is my friend, she is also my sister and I cannot really get too graphic with her about this subject.

"I get it, Ash. But do you think you are masking deeper issues and trying to fix your problems with sex, thinking that somehow that intimacy will fill a void?" She raises a knowing eyebrow at me and I smile at her before responding.

"Yes, doctor, I believe you might be onto something."

We both laugh out loud before drinking simultaneously and then relaxing back into the couch.

"Ashley…" she begins, more seriously. "You and Spencer truly have something so very special, and what the two of you have does not come along very often. Right?"

"Right" I agree as I turn to face her again.

"And trust me, I love my boyfriend and I feel very lucky most days to have him, but I envy the two of you and your relationship. Maybe a little too much at times, but you guys just take love to this whole other level that most people try to achieve but maybe just never will."

Her face is calm and sincere, and I see tears glistening in her eyes…and I feel an overwhelming amount of love for my sister at her confession.

"You two owe it to lovers everywhere to fight for your love. To prove all of the doubters wrong, and to continue telling one of the greatest love stories ever told."

We are both crying at this point, and I set my beer down and pull my sister into a tender hug as we both convulse through our sobs.

"Jesus, what the hell?" she laughs as we pull back and wipe our eyes as laughter overtakes me as well.

"Yeah, Kyla. What the HELL?" I snort lightly and she erupts at my classy display.

Just then, we hear the front door open and Aiden comes walking through, stopping in his tracks as he takes in the site on his couch.

"Uh…hi girls," he stutters, the confusion apparent as he glances back and forth between us, clearly unsure what to do or what else to say.

"Hey, babe," Kyla greets him as she rises to give him a quick hello kiss.

"Hey, Aid," I smile as I follow her and give him a quick hug.

"You ladies okay?" he questions, still uncertain about the scene he has intruded upon.

"We're fine, Aiden," I assure him. "Kyla was just depressing me describing the in's and out's of monogamy with a man," I tease him as I wrinkle my face in feign disgust.

"Oh yeah?" he replies, amusement overtaking his previous confusion. "That's sweet, Ash," he retorts and we all laugh.

"So hey, I think I am going to turn in, guys, if that's okay," I announce, feeling the exhaustion sink in.

"You don't want to have another beer, Ash?" Aiden suggests, and I consider it, but quickly decide I need to call my wife and check in.

"You know, it's tempting but I am kind of tired, and I need to call Spence," I explain, and they both nod in understanding. "Thanks for listening to me, Kyla," I whisper gratefully as I pull her into another warm hug.

"Anytime, sis. I love you," she whispers back, giving me a strong squeeze before pulling back to shoot me a quick wink.

"I love you too, Ky. You are wise beyond your years, little sis," I tell her seriously and she smiles her thank you. "Night Aid."

…

I pull my phone out of my purse and see I have a text from Spencer. I feel my stomach sink as I picture her lying in our big bed by herself, wondering if she has cried, or if she's been angry. If the kids were difficult…or worse…sad.

I open the text and read the message a few times.

_Hey baby. You've been gone for four and a half hours almost exactly, and I feel like you've been gone for days. The kids missed you tonight and so did I. I hope you call. I love you. _

I pull her number up and hit send as I sink into what feels like the biggest bed I have ever laid in, and I silently remind myself it's just a full.

And then I hear her voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey…" 

"Hey, honey."

And I freeze up.

_Say something. _

_Anything_.

"Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence. I am here," I reply softly as I try to swallow the lump in my throat so I can force words up and out.

"Okay…well what are you doing?" she asks, and I feel the sadness in her voice.

"I'm just lying down to go to bed. What are you doing?"

_Is that all you can think of?_

"I was reading," she informs me and silence comes over the line again.

"The kids been asleep for a while?" I ask, realizing how much I miss them.

"I think so. Had a rough time getting them down. Lyla was fussy and Bo was a bit of a bear," she informs me and I feel the guilt wash over me.

"I'm sorry, Spence," I tell her sincerely and hear her exhale loudly.

"It's okay. Did you and Kyla have a good talk?"

I am not sure how to read her tone as she asks this question, and I am less sure how to answer it.

"Well, yeah. I mean, it's a little weird to talk about this, I guess. You know?"

"No." She replies flatly and I bite my tongue, about two sentences too late.

"Spence, I am sorry. I am not sure what I meant by that," I apologize and rub the bridge of my nose, searching for my next words. "Kyla's great. She loves us both very much, and more importantly, she knows how much we love each other," I explain and then pause to see if she has a response to this.

"Then why aren't you here with me?"

_I don't know. _

"Baby, it's just one night," I remind her, but realize that's a shitty answer.

"Well, is there anything else you want to tell me?" she asks quietly and my mind goes crazy trying to sum it all up in a few words.

"Just that I love you, baby. And I am willing to do anything to make it all better," I tell her simply, not sure if it's good enough.

"Well, I love you too. And I guess I will see you when I get home from work tomorrow," she practically whispers, and then I hear the dreaded yawn that so many times has signaled me I have to let her go.

"You will, honey. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight Ash."

"Goodnight, baby."

…

"Hey…wha….what are you doing?" She rolls over to find me propped up on one arm, stroking her forehead and cheek softly.

"I came home. I could not wait until tomorrow night to see you," I inform her as I lean in to kiss her forehead.

Her confused eyes glance over to the digital clock on her nightstand.

It's after two and though I do feel guilty about pulling her from her sleep when she has to work in the morning, I just simply could not help myself.

"Okay…" she breathes as she turns back to lock her sleepy eyes on mine.

"Baby, don't wake up too much. Just come lie in my arms and go back to sleep," I urge her as I turn on my back and pull her against my chest."

I feel her body meld against mine and I have to keep myself from jumping at the shock I feel when I realize her body is not warm and sweaty like it normally is when I am sleeping next to her. It's actually completely cold.

_Is she only a warm sleeper when I am with her? _

_And if so, why?_


	17. Those Three Days

Chapter 17: Those Three Days

Spencer's POV

"What about counseling?" Chelsey suggests as we both pick at our french fries.

Well I pick, and Chelsey inhales.

"Oh, trust me, I have thought about it," I assure her as I push my plate away from me and take a sip of my iced tea. "But you know, Ash…it's just not her thing, and I am afraid it will make her bitter rather than more open, you know?"

She nods her head in agreement as she shoves a few more fries in her mouth. "You gonna finish those, Spence?" She inquires, a little embarrassed, as I chuckle and push my plate to her.

"They're all yours," I offer as she picks up the ketchup bottle and squeezes a huge blob onto the plate.

Chelsey is pregnant with baby number three, and one thing she's never tried to hide is her insatiable appetite for fries during her pregnancies.

And peanut butter…

And chocolate milk shakes….

And sometimes she dips her fries in her shakes...

And I admit, it's kind of good.

"Spence, if I had not seen the sonogram, I would swear I was having twins," she teases through another mouthful, and I laugh softly.

"You guys have any names picked out?" I am trying in vain to change the subject but I know my sister-in-law better than this.

"Yeah, we have a couple ideas depending on the sex, of course… But ANYWAY, so what about taking a vacation together, just the two of you. You know, try to reconnect or something?" She offers as she dips some fries into her shake.

"Well, it's a thought, I suppose. But I mean, we kind of tried that when I went to Miami, and that didn't really help anything," I remind her as she groans.

"Yeah…that stupid whore," she states supportively through rolled eyes. "But what about something where her work is not involved. Like your Malibu beach house, or Jesus, leave the damn country!"

I consider this idea for a moment before replying, "I don't know, Chels. I would feel kind of guilty leaving Bo and Lyla right now. They are both having a rough time," I sigh as I guiltily tell her about the other night when Ashley went to Kyla's and of my struggles trying to explain to them why she left.

"Well you have to do something, Spencer. You cannot just keep pretending it's going to fix itself," she insists, and I know she is right.

I bury my face in my hands in obvious frustration for a few seconds before looking back to meet her sympathetic stare.

"Spencer, you love each other so much. That I am sure of," she offers and I nod again. "You are better together than apart, right?"

And we talk for a while about our break-up in high school. How it sent me into the arms of a slightly abusive girl and Ashley into the arms of…well…Aiden.

_Ughhh…_

Don't get me wrong, I love Aiden, and am happy he is still in our lives, especially in Kyla's, but the thought of the two of them for those months back then still makes my stomach churn a bit.

"Well, what if you plan a romantic date for her, like the old days, and let the kids come stay with us for at least a night."

_And I am liking this idea. _

"You know the kids won't think it is strange to come play with Rocco and Regan for a night, and you could plan something really special. Try to blow your wife's previous surprises out of the water," she teases me, knowing full well it is Ashley who is really the romantic one.

"Okaayy…" I draw out, thinking intently of what I could plan on a few days notice, and more importantly what I could plan that would be relationship-altering…rescuing even.

"Well, chew on it Spencer. I will let Glen know that we'll be having little company this weekend, and the rest is up to you." She winks and I smile gratefully at her.

"Thanks, Chelsey. I don't know what I would do without you," I tell her honestly as I pay the check and we exit the café and head back to our respective jobs.

…

"So, babe, I had lunch with Chelsey today," I inform her as we are clearing the dinner dishes from the table. Bo and Lyla are cashing in on their 'one hour of television a night' rule and it will give me enough time to start putting my plan into action.

"Oh yeah? How's she doing?" she asks sincerely as she begins rinsing red pasta sauce from the plates.

"She's good, hon. Her appetite is impressive, but she seems to be feeling good, and she looks great," I tell her as I help her load the dishwasher.

"Good. You know, I have barely seen them since Lyla's party," she announces, and her face drops a bit, remembering how that ended. "We should have them over for dinner or something this weekend," she offers, throwing me a quick smile before pouring some soap into the dishwasher and hitting start.

"Well, actually, she asked if the kids wanted to have a sleep-over this weekend. Apparently Rocco has been bugging her to have Bo over to play his new Wii game." I make the last part off, but chalk it up to a harmless white lie told in an effort to not raise any suspicions.

"Oh…okay. I don't have a problem with that. You want a cup of tea or a glass of wine or something?" she offers, waiting for my response before deciding what to pour.

"Tea sounds good. Decaf please?" I smile as she pulls a box of chamomile tea from the cabinet and puts a pot of water on the stove. I sink down onto the bar stool and watch as she moves busily around the kitchen, continuing to straighten up, making piles and then re-making piles, and I am realizing this is nervous behavior.

"Hey, so anyway, there is this photography exhibition I would love to go to Saturday night. Would you like to go with me?" I hold my breath and hope she will not make this difficult.

"What kind of photography?" she asks as she wipes the same part of the counter she has already cleaned twice before.

_Crap. Hadn't thought that far ahead. _

"You know, I think it's going to be scenic European shots," I lie, not even sure what I mean by this, and I am a photographer for God's sake.

"Eh…maybe. I'd rather go see the nudes," she teases as the tea kettle whistles.

"Well, if Bo and Lyla are with Glen and Chelsey and if you promise to go with me for a couple hours, I can guarantee you you'll see one nude," I wink as she hands me a cup of tea.

"Oh really?" she flirts as she blows on her hot beverage. "Well, then I will certainly consider it." She winks back at me and I follow her into the living room to join our children for the last thirty minutes of Disney Channel Time.

…

"So are you all set?" Chelsey whispers excitedly. Ashley has followed Glen into the backyard with the kids to play outside while I help Chelsey with Bo and Lyla's things. We finish unpacking Lyla's stuff in Regan's room and then make our way to Rocco's to drop of Bo's bag.

"God, I hope so," I inform her nervously and she simply smiles.

"It's gonna be great, and I cannot wait to hear ALMOST all about it," she teases and I playfully bat her arm.

"Yeah, I will spare you the gross lesbian sex details, but I hope I have only good things to report tomorrow," I kid and she laughs.

"Oh, it's not the lesbian sex details I would mind, but you are family," she reminds me and I laugh again.

"Spencer, you ready to go?" I hear Ashley calling me from downstairs and I give Chelsey another hug and a few more 'thank you's' before I descend down the stairs to my awaiting wife.

_Here goes…_

_Everything. _

…

"You look hot tonight, babe," I inform her as I pull our Lexus out of the driveway and onto the road. She thinks we are going to the art show, so she is conveniently dressed appropriately for my plans.

She is wearing skinny jeans, and I do mean skinny. Her body is still spectacular after all these years.

Anyway, she has a dark red lacy vest and a skinny black tie on, and black short boots. Her hair is pulled into a high, tight ponytail, and she is wearing large chandelier earrings and a black cuff on her left wrist.

"Aw, thanks baby. You're not looking too bad yourself," she winks as she squeezes my free hand into her own.

I am wearing a silver halter-top and tight dark 7's, silver sandals and large hoop earrings. My hair is down in loose waves and I have Ashley's wedding bracelet on my left wrist.

"Well, thank you." I squeeze her back as I continue towards the city.

"You want to grab a quick bite before the show?" I suggest as I glance at the rearview mirror at my reflection.

"Do we have time?" she implores, checking her watch. I

"Sure. We don't have to get there right when it starts," I lie, knowing we have a couple hours before the real plan goes into action.

"Ok, yeah, sounds good. What are you hungry for?"

"Well…besides you…Asian Fusion?" I suggest as I glace at her from the corner of my eyes.

"Hey, pull over for a second," she requests as I spot a park on the right. I pull into a spot and before I know it I am being pulled into the back seat.

"How about an appetizer," she suggest as she begins unzipping her jeans.

And the 'appetizer' turned into 'dinner' which meant no time for a real meal.

So we settled for the drive-thru of In-N-Out, and ate our burgers on the way to the "gallery."

"Wait, where are we going?" she asks as I pull into the parking lot of our next destination.

The House of Blues.

I turn to face her excitedly and wait for her eyes to fix on the Billboard out front.

"Wait…Lucinda Williams?" She cries in disbelief before whipping around to face me, tears forming in her beautiful brown orbs.

I nod slowly waiting for the realization to sink all the way in.

"No crappy Eiffel Tower pictures?" She exclaims, and I laugh out loud.

"Nope, just you and me…well and I assume a few of our lesbian sisters, and a little Car Wheels on a Gravel Road," I beam as she pulls me to her.

"Aw, baby. Give me some Passionate Kisses," she urges, and I do before we make our way inside.

…

We spend the night sipping vodkas and dancing to the country-rock-blues combination that is one of our favorite artists. The crowd is friendly and enthusiastic and we have attached to another couple, Cat and Mya, who remind me of a college version of Ashley and me. They are both feminine, Cat a brunette and Mya a blonde.

And they are passionate.

And I hope they can turn into Ashley and me in ten years. Well without the recent angst…

But if they can have even half of our love and passion with three times the drama, they will live a happy, happy life together.

"Another drink, babe?" Ash yells over our girl belting out "Sweet Side," and I nod enthusiastically as she gives me a quick kiss before disappearing into the crowd.

"How long have you two been together," Mya shouts as I turn to face the young lovers.

"Almost twenty years," I reply, and I see their eyes widen. "Married for about half that time," I brag as I hold up my gorgeous ring.

"WOW," she nods as she gets a closer look at my rock. "That's incredible," she smiles as she looks at Cat, who nods in agreement.

"You guys are totally hot," Cat gushes and I feel my cheeks grow flush.

I am looking at the attractive young couple, and the compliment they have just paid us doubles in meaning as I watch the sexily dance against one another.

Just then, Lucinda starts into by far my favorite song, and I panic for a minute realizing my baby is not back yet.

Or so I thought.

I feel her wrap her arms around me from behind as she hands me my drink.

And then I hear her husky voice sing the words I have been waiting patiently for Lucinda to play all night.

_Baby, see how I been living  
Velvet curtains on the windows to…  
Keep the bright and unforgiving_  
_Light from shining through…  
_  
_Baby, I remember all the things we did…  
When we slept together  
And the blue behind your eyelids…  
Baby, sweet baby…_

I turn to face her and melt into her arms as we dance slowly, and her face nestles into my ear so she can continue singing to me.

_Traced your scent through the gloom  
'Til I found these purple flowers…  
I was spent, I was soon smelling you for hours…_

Lavender, lotus blossoms too,  
Water the dirt, flowers last for you…  
Baby, sweet baby…

And I feel her take a deep breath as I inhale her own unique and perfect scent.

_Tangerines and persimmons  
And sugarcane…  
Grapes and honeydew melon  
Enough fit for MY queen…_

And I laugh at her obvious change of words as she makes the song her own a little.

_Lemon trees don't make a sound,  
'Til branches bend and fruit falls to the ground,  
Baby, sweet baby…_

Come to my world and witness  
The way things have changed,  
'Cause I finally did it, baby  
I got out of La Grange…

_Got in my Mercury and drove out west,  
Pedal to the metal and my luck to the test…  
Baby, sweet baby…_

She pulls her hands to my face and pulls my forehead against own, kissing it quickly before staring into my eyes again. __

I been tryin' to enjoy all the fruits of my labor…  
I been cryin' for you GIRL, but truth is my savior…

Baby, sweet baby if it's all the same,  
Take the glory any day over the fame…  
Baby, sweet baby…

And she is staring deeply in my eyes, which are glistening a bit as she leans in and pulls me into a kiss more passionate than we have shared in way, way too long…

…

Our hands are clasped tightly as we walk out into the night air. We start towards the car when we hear familiar voices call our names.

"Ashley, Spencer, wait up!"

We turn to find Cat and Mya rushing to catch up to us and we wait for them to approach.

"Girls, where are you going now?" Cat asks, a bit strangely as she and Mya exchange nervous glances.

"Home, ladies," I smile as Ashley wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to her.

"Oh…well, you wouldn't be interested in an after party, would you?" Mya inquires, a bit hesitantly as she grabs Cats hand.

And we both just look at each other and laugh.

"Oh, girls, no. The only after party I am interested in is one that involves me and my beautiful WIFE," Ashley assures them as we watch their faces drop, half in disappointment and half in embarrassment.

And before we turn to bridge the distance between us and the car, I add, "And ladies, just a piece of advice. It's NOT worth it, cause what you have, just the two of you, can be SO much better than anything else," I inform them, feeling my age but meaning every word I said.

…

"Baby…you have no…"

_Kiss_.

"Idea…"

_Kiss_.

"How much tonight meant…"

_Kiss. _

"to me…"

I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her into a longer, deeper kiss as her naked body begins to move against mine.

"I'm glad you had fun, baby," I tell her honestly as I move my lips to her cheek and then down to her neck, where I begin sucking and biting hungrily as she tilts her head to the side to allow me a wider space to devour.

Her head bobs down to take one of my hard nipples between her lips and my hips slide up into her in reaction.

I groan loudly as she bites softly at my pink flesh and then twirls her tongue, making it grow harder and wetter.

I pull her hips into mine and push up into her, feeling our clits slide back and forth, the friction increasing exponentially as the wetness envelops us.

Just as our pace is really beginning to pick up, she slides down and throws my legs over her shoulder and buries her face into my wetness.

"Uhh….baby, yes," I encourage her as her tongue begins to dart in and out of me, deeper with each thrust.

And just as I feel myself begin to let go she pulls up and flip us over so I am on top of her. She pushes me up the length of her body until I am sitting, hovering above her with a knee on each side of her face. I slam my hands against the wall and sink down onto her tongue and feel her hands slide up to my ass, pushing me back and forth and up and down over her mouth.

I squeeze my eyes shut as I fall forward slightly and rest the side of my face against the back of my hands which are trying to grip at the flat wall in front of me over headboard.

"God, BABY!" I cry as I begin grinding my hips furiously over her mouth and feel her tongue continue to plunge deeper into to me.

"I'm cumming, baby," I announce as I feel my wetness pour from me into her eagerly awaiting mouth, my legs trembling violently on each side of her neck and face.

And I collapse fully into the headboard and try to hold myself up as the last tremors wash over my entire body.

Sliding down onto her, I part her legs with my own and allow her to feel the remaining wetness over every inch of her warm center. Her arms come around to grip me tightly as I slide back and forth over her, listening to her hot moans and desperate whimpers as I roll deeply into her over and over until she screams out and I feel her body shake as violently as mine had moments ago.

Not stopping my thrusts into her until I feel her collapse into the bed beneath me, I fall into her and rest my dripping wet forehead over her shoulder as we cling to one another for a while.

"You are soo…." And my voice trails off as I realize words cannot begin to describe just how good she is.

She chuckles at my breathless attempts and brushes my sweaty hair from my face before kissing me deeply a few times.

"I love you…" she whispers and all I can do is nod as I sink back into her.

…

And just three days later…Ashley and I decided to separate for a while.

_And I have been so fucking alone…_

**AN: The Lucinda Williams songs referenced in this chapter were Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, Passionate Kisses, Sweet Side, Fruits of My Labor and Those Three Days. I usually forget to give a heads-up about the songs in my chapters but if you don't know Lucinda, you might want to check the songs out so that you get the references. Plus, they are great songs…**


	18. But The Truth Is Nothin's Been The Same

Chapter 18: But the Truth is Nothin's Been the Same

Ashley's POV

"THIS, ASHLEY! This is why you need to fucking talk to me!"

She is holding up our engagement picture in front of her body, and we are both trembling through our anger and tears.

"Put it down!" I practically command her as I start towards her.

"NO! I am tired of this, Ashley. This come here, go away bullshit you pulled with me in high school. It no longer flies!"

We have been fighting all night.

It started with the usual bedtime wars, and then continued after a snide Bree comment from yours truly, and then blew up with another snide orgasm comment, again from me, which led to a mean Marissa remark.

All the issues we have been avoiding, masking and brushing under the carpets of every room in our house.

And the slightest little things set off the war.

And speaking of flying, that's just what the picture did as she launched it against the wall, and glass shattered all over the floor.

And then I hear Lyla cry from her room and as I turned to rush to her, I see our son standing in the doorway, tears rolling down his confused little face.

And in that moment, all of the anger I felt washed away and turned to guilt and shame.

The gossip girls have just won.

…

I am packing a suitcase and Spencer is standing in the doorway of our room.

The kids are at Nanna and Pop's. We didn't want them to witness any more of this.

In a whirlwind of a morning, I found a rental down the beach, 7.43 miles away. The landlord agreed to a month-to-month lease, which was non-negotiable.

I cannot look at her as I zip the suitcase closed and glance around to see if I have forgotten anything I cannot live without.

But the only things I know I cannot live without are at their grandparent's house…

And standing in the doorway.

Finally turning, I lock my eyes on hers, both of our tears flowing uncontrollably.

"Okay, I guess that's it," I whisper as I start towards the door she is blocking.

"Say it again," she begs sadly, refusing to move out of my way.

"It's just temporary," I robotically respond, my face falling to the ground.

"It's just temporary," she repeats and her voice cracks as she begins to sob. "Just a cooling-off until we can get back on track and not put our babies through this anymore, right?"

"Yes, Spence. I promise. Everything I said earlier is true. We are going to get help and work through these issues, and I'll be back…" And I am now sobbing uncontrollably, my ability to continue gone.

We stand in silence for a few minutes, both searching for the type of good-bye that is appropriate for two people who know deep down it is not goodbye for good.

Spencer had spent the morning on the phone with Arthur, asking for advice on how to handle a separation, knowing while he is not an attorney, he's had experience in this area and would guide us on how to do this whole thing in a way that least 'adversely impacts' the children.

_What a joke. _

_They will be 'impacted'._

_And so will WE. _

And I contemplate putting a wrench in the spokes of this out-of-control wheel, but realize quickly I cannot go back know.

After what Bo and Lyla went through last night, we have to do something. Something's gotta give.

So we are going to exchange the kids every two days.

'Short, frequent parenting time sessions, never too much time away from one Mother, keeping them in normal routines at each place, and never putting them in the middle of anything going on between us.'

It's all so _Kramer vs. Kramer_, and I am still in disbelief that we have to set up these rules and draw out a schedule.

But we are not ending up in a bitter custody battle in the end.

_NO_.

We are going to come back together, stronger than ever, and ready to move into the next twenty years.

At least that's what I keep assuring myself as I drag my suitcase across the floor towards the front door. I pause before grabbing the handle and turn to face her again.

"So I will pick them up on Thursday, right? Six o'clock?"

She nods, the tears still flowing, and I let go of the handle of my suitcase and close the gap between us as I pull her into my arms and we crumble.

…

Turning the key into the front door of the strange place, I stumble inside and stare into the darkness.

I flip on the lights and take a long, hard look around.

It's pre-furnished, comfortable at best.

But it's not home.

As the tears continue to pour down my face, which have not stopped since I left, I hear a soft knock on the door I have just closed.

I pull the door open to see Kyla and Aiden standing on the front porch, their expressions confused and sad as Kyla steps inside first, pulling me into her as I collapse onto her shoulder.

Aiden follows behind, lugging a huge bottle of whisky, a bag of ice, and three stacked glasses.

Not even having to ask me, he begins preparing three stiff drinks as Kyla drags me to the couch and pulls me down next to her.

"Oh, Ash…" She whispers as I sink back and close my eyes. "I'm sooo sorry."

Aiden joins us, sitting on the other side of me, and passing out the cocktails, clearly unsure what to say.

"Thank you," I tell him gratefully as I lift the glass to my lips. The scent stings my nostrils but I don't care. I take a long drink and my face crinkles tightly at the taste of the strong liquor.

"So, what now?" I beg them for the right answers and they stare at each other for a few seconds, both of them looking lost as they search for words of comfort.

"Well, now, we drink…" Kyla begins as she takes a sip of her own drink, Aiden following suit. "And tomorrow, we get you settled in."

Not what I was looking for, but I slam half my drink down anyway.

"We're going to stay here tonight with you, Ash, if that's okay," Aiden suggests and all I can do is nod as I hand him my empty glass, signaling I am ready for another.

"Chelsey and Glen are with Spencer," Kyla informs me, and I assume she talked to Chels on her way over.

"That's good," I reply distantly as I picture my wife's face and wonder what is going on at my house.

"You know, Ash," Aiden begins as he hands me another drink, "You guys are going to get through this." He nods at me as I rest my head on the back of the couch and wait for him to continue. "We've all known it since we were sixteen…there is no one else in the world for either one of you." He smiles softly and I understand perfectly his subtle message.

"I know, you are right, Aid, but am I doing the wrong thing here? I mean, we swore it's just a temporary fix and that we'll spend the time apart trying to work through our problems so we can come back to each other stronger and better…but what if this separation is a mistake?" I cry desperately as Kyla rest a hand on my arm, trying to calm me.

"Ashley, you are doing this for the kids mostly. They cannot take seeing you two like this," she reminds me as she continues to rub my arm. "And as cliché as it sounds, distance does make the heart grow fonder," she states with a small wink to her boyfriend who returns the wink and nods at both of us.

"It's true, Ash. I mean, it's a different phase of your life than back in the day, but you and Spence are going to make it. I have no doubt," he continues to assure me as I continue to wreak havoc on the bottle of whisky.

Finally, after hours of talking in this manner, and upon draining the handle of Jack, I feel my words become incoherent. I am now laying on my side with my legs over Kyla who is leaning back against Aiden.

And when we wake in the morning, we are all three in the exact same position.


	19. Since Those Three Days

Chapter 19: Since Those Three Days

Spencer's POV

"Thanks, Glen," I smile gratefully at him, as he returns from putting Bo back to bed for the third time tonight.

This time, we caught him standing at the top of the stairs, listening intently to the three of us on the couch in the living room.

And my heart sank for the millionth time tonight as I watched Glen slip quickly up the stairs and scoop him up in his arms, and disappear down the hallway.

"No problem, sis. He's just restless is all," he assures me as he slides back down onto the couch to join me and his wife, who are locked in serious, sad conversation.

"It just seems so abrupt, is all," Chelsey continues, and you'd think it was her who was going through the separation.

But I guess we all are in a way. We've been this crew, this family of couples for twenty years, and I suppose it's hard for them to swallow as well.

"Well, not really," I sigh as she tops off my wine. "It's been a dam on the verge of breaking for a while," I explain and they both nod in recognition.

"Well, for what it's worth, Spence, if I was not sure before, after spending that weekend with her in Chicago, she's the one for you," he admits warmly as he takes a pull off his Budweiser.

"Why, cause she can kick your ass in a beer chugging contest?" I tease, in a failed attempt to ease the tension and seriousness that has enveloped us all.

"Well, yes, that's a big part of it," he chuckles before continuing. "No, seriously Spencer, she's an amazing mom…she really is," he smiles and I nod in agreement, feeling a little guilty, wondering for a few seconds if I have been too hard on her.

There are so many people who parent without any support of a partner, who have abusive spouses, cheating spouses, lousy co-parenters…the list goes on.

"And she loves you so much," Chelsey adds and we all smile knowing this is absolutely true.

"So then what the hell?" I shout, and Chelsey grabs my arm to still the sloshing wine before it escapes over the top of my glass onto the couch.

"Well, coming from no experience of my own, I would guess you aren't communicating," Glen says, the first part of his sentence clearly sarcastic but the second dead on. "So take this time to focus on the communication you've been lacking…focus on getting the mental connection back while the physical separation is occurring."

And Chelsey and I stare in awe at the wise man sitting on the couch, who is staring back at us as if we should not be SO surprised.

"Glen, it's not just your belly that makes you Buddha," I inform him, trying to keep the smile from my lips as Chelsey erupts and pats his tummy while he pouts.

"Do I have to show you the six-pack AGAIN," he groans as Chelsey forces his shirt back down.

"Guys, thanks for being here and for helping me actually laugh. I can tell you, that is the last thing I thought I would be doing tonight," I tell them honestly as Chelsey tips the wine bottle again, emptying the rest into my glass.

"Well, that's what family is for," she tells me warmly.

"Yeah, sis. We love you. We love you both, all four of you actually."

And now I am crying.

Short-lived.

Chelsey pulls me to her chest and strokes my hair as I let it all out. Not just the tears, but the words I wish I could just say to my wife.

And I decide as my hiccups still, and as my tears dry, and as Chelsey and Glen put me to bed in a fog of wine and despair, and as her face is the last thing I see as I drift off into drunken sleep…

That I will say all those things to her, and so much more.

…

In the light of morning, even through the headache and stomach ache, and through my swollen eyes, I see things a bit more clearly.

I walk down the stairs and see my children sitting at the kitchen table, Glen telling them lies…er…I mean stories of his basketball glory days, and Chelsey standing at the stove, scrambling eggs and chuckling amusedly at her husbands wild tales.

"Good morning everyone!" I exclaim, only having to partially force the enthusiasm as I catch my children's eyes one at a time.

"Mama!" they cry as the hop up and nearly tackle me to the floor.

"Whoa, good morning my loves," I tell them tenderly as I kiss them both on their messy heads of hair.

"Mama, did you know Uncle Glen scowed a hundrwed points in one game?" My son informs me innocently as I widen my eyes before rolling them at my brother.

"Really? Is that so?" I direct the question at their Uncle, who is smiling sheepishly at me as Chelsey sets a plate in front of him.

"Kids, eggs and bacon!" she announces as we all take a seat around the table.

"And Mama, Uncle Glen says he can beat Mommy awm westlin'!" Lyla announces with the same innocence, and I laugh out loud at this.

"Now, on this one, I have to disagree," I snort as Bo and Glen flex their biceps at one another, their mouths shoved full of food.

"Mama, when's we gonna see Mommy?" Bo asks as he swallows hard and washes his food down with a gulp of orange juice.

Ash and I had tried to explain as best we could the arrangement, but as I predicted, I still have some explaining to do.

"Soon, Bub. Not today when you get home from school, but the day after that, when you get home from school. Okay?" I fake a smile at this explanation and he strains to understand.

"So tomawow?"

"Yes, son," I laugh at how easy the explanation could have been had I remembered how smart our little boy is. "Tomorrow."

…

Chelsey and Glen have offered to drop the kids of at school, and after kissing and hugging them all within an inch of their respective lives, they are gone.

And for the first time, I am standing alone in our big house.

And it's more eerily quiet than I had predicted it might be.

Realizing I need to get ready for work, I start up the stairs but stop as I hear my cell phone ringing from back in the kitchen.

I turn and make my way back down and to the bar, picking it up and seeing her name across the screen.

Taking a deep breath, I accept the call.

"Hey…" I feel myself relax just a little as I sink onto the barstool.

"Hey, good morning," she greets me softly and I hear a soft shake in her voice. "How are you?"

"I'm okay I guess. A little hung-over," I admit and I hear her chuckle.

"That makes two of us," she groans and I laugh back. "So how are my babies?" She continues with the same quietness.

"They're good, hon. They are confused but Glen and Chels were a good distraction," I inform her, trying to make her feel comforted.

"You were included in that question," she practically whispers and I feel my heart melt.

_Awww…Baby._

"Well, I think you know how I am, Ash," I remind her sadly and I almost hear her nod through the phone. "I miss you so much, and it's only been one night," I admit as the tears begin to glisten.

"Me too, Spence. Look, I know you will have the kids call me tonight, but do you think you could call me back after you put them to bed?" she asks nervously.

"Yeah, of course I will Ashley."

A few seconds of silence sets across the lines before I break them.

"So, I have to get ready for work. I hope you have a good day and I will talk to you tonight, okay?"

"Ok. Give the babies a kiss and hug for me will you?"

"Of course," I promise her.

"And Spencer…"

"Yes, Ash?"

"I love you…"

"I love you, too. Always…" I conclude before hitting end.


	20. Burn, Baby, Burn

Chapter 20: Burn, Baby, Burn

The Oven's POV

I hate this bitch. Why did she select me for this ratty old apartment?

And why does she always make Mac-N-Cheese?

Learn to cook for God's sake!

Or find a woman of your own who can cook a real meal for you…

What a huge waste of space I am. I could be the fire for a nice burgundy wine reduction.

ANYTHING but those cheap little elbow shaped noodles she keeps dumping into me night after night.

Couldn't some rich couple in Malibu have selected me, taken me to their beach home where I could stare out over the ocean while I perfectly boil lobsters and shrimp for them?

Arrrgghhh, I am _boiling_ with anger just thinking about it.

Wait…what's that I feel. Did some of that olive oil she poured into the pot to help the noodles separate slip down the side of it and onto my glowing red burner?

Yes, yes…I think it did…

AH HA!

Concentrate, now. Feel the oil begin to sizzle, push the heat into it.

And she's leaning over the pot to stir it.

Come on, just a little hotter…

POOF!

Ha ha ha…burn, Bree, burn!

**AN: Okay, that was a total joke and did not really happen. But ****XxkoeyxX****, that was for your girl! And for the confused readers, check out the reviews for Chapter 19…**


	21. Parts of the Universe

Chapter 21: Parts of the Universe

Ashley's POV

"Hi Mama," I hear my son's sweet voice whisper into the phone as I pick it up from the night stand and hit send.

"Well, hi Mister!" I reply, silently reminding myself to keep the strife out of my voice…to follow Arthur's advice. "How was school today, Bub?"

"It was good, Mama. We got ta paint wif puddin'," he informs me and I chuckle softly.

_I think I remember doing that in elementary school…_

"Pudding? YUM! Was is chocolate pudding?" I ask him excitedly as I sit up a bit and pull my knees to my chest.

"Yep. And I made a big wainbow and a hat aiwe balloon," he exclaims.

And I bite my lip softly, remembering my promise I made to him many months ago.

"Wow, buddy, that sounds way cool," I congratulate him softly. "Can I see it tomorrow or did you have to leave it at school?"

"Wewl, we had to leave it to dwie ovea night, but I get ta bwing it home tomawow," he informs me proudly.

"Cool. I can't wait to see it. SO what did Mommy make you for dinner tonight?" I continue to keep up my enthusiasm as he rattles off the menu of fish sticks, green beans, orange slices and rice.

And I smile at my wife's propensity to make more balanced dinners than I would in her absence, but take mental notes to not forget the fruits and veggies for tomorrow night.

"Sounds pretty delicious. Did you watch some T.V. tonight?"

"Yep. We watched some Playhouse Disney cause that's what Wywa wanted ta watch," he tells me sweetly and I smile again at my son's clear adoration for his sissy.

"Well, can I talk to Lyla now Bubs?" I request as I hear him shuffle the phone a bit.

"Wywa, Mama wants ta talk to you," he calls and I hear more shuffling.

"Hey, Bo Bo, wait a sec," I interrupt almost desperately. "Hey, Mama loves you and I will see you tomorrow, ok Bubs?"

"I wuv you too, Mama."

And with that, I hear the angelic voice of my little girl mumbling something I cannot understand as I wait patiently for him to hand the phone off.

"Hi Mama," she coos as she finally successfully pulls the phone to her little face.

"Hi my little princess, how are you sweetie pie?" I ask as I close my eyes, forcing the tears back into my eye sockets.

"Fiiineee," she responds, a typical Lyla response, and I chuckle at the simplicity. "Whewe awe ya?" She inquires innocently, and I sigh, knowing it's just impossible to really explain this to her.

"Lyla, Mama's at the beach house down the street like Mommy and I told you, remember?"

And I am still searching aimlessly for more explanation.

"I'm just staying here for a little while, right?" I remind her sadly and then silently curse the change in my tone. "So baby girl, what did YOU do at school today?" I ask her, forcing the enthusiasm back.

"Um…I don't wememba," she replies and I chuckle.

"You don't remember?" I gently tease her. We get this answer often from our little girl. "Well did you play outside?" I try to prod her on.

"Um…yeah…" she begins slowly. "I pwayed on tha pwaygwound!" She remembers excitedly and I laugh out loud.

"You did? COOL!" I exclaim as she giggles into the phone before I hear her yawn loudly. I glace at the clock and realize it's bedtime.

"Ok, Lyla-Lou, I bet Mommy is ready to tuck you in tight, so sweet dreams angel. Mamma loves you and I will see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Mama. I wuv you too."

"Lyla, will you put Mommy on the phone baby?" I ask quickly before her little fingers can hang the phone up.

"Okay, Mama, hewe she is." 

"Hey…" She says breathlessly and I assume she's juggling jammies and sippies, and the guilt sets in again.

"Hey, you guys doing okay?" I ask sincerely.

"Yeah, sure. Just trying to get them changed for bed," she informs me, but I already knew this.

"Well, I can let you go, but are you still planning to call me after you put them to bed?" I ask softly and hopefully.

"Of course. Can you give me an hour so I can get them down and get ready for bed myself?" she requests, still a bit breathless.

"Yeah, of course that's fine. I will talk to you in a bit, okay?"

…

And I am lying in bed, with her on the other end, and we've been talking for over an hour.

"Yeah, but it's no excuse, Spencer, and I am sorry for that. I mean, the words stung but I should have known better than to take it that personally," I admit reluctantly as I hear her exhale loudly into the phone.

"But Ashley, I knew how much those words affected you, even back then, and I didn't take the time to really tell you what my thoughts were. I mean, I knew you were terrified to mess up with the kids and I knew what you were doing, and instead of just talking to you about it, I let it eat at me until I was just so frustrated that it turned to anger, when I should have been supporting and reassuring you," she states and I feel myself continue to relax more and more with each word.

"You know, I am so mad at myself for letting those bimbos even get in my head like that," I spit through gritted teeth. "I just think back to when I was younger, before you and I got married, really before we were even together, and back then I was SURE I would never have kids. That I would never want to put any little person through what I had gone through. I was terrified that I was royally fucked up and incapable of truly being able to nurture a child in they way one would need." I take a deep breath and continue.

"But then I met you, Spence. And as our relationship grew, and I fell deeper and deeper in love with you, that began to change. First, I started to realize just how much love I had inside of me, because I doubted every day that I could even project a fraction of how I felt onto you. So then it started to dawn on me…if I have this much love in me, surely I have enough to spread around a little, ya know?" I pause momentarily to see if she has a response.

"Babe, for what it's worth, from the moment I met you, I never had any doubt that one day you would make an amazing mother, and you sure proved me right," she informs me sweetly and I smile at the sentiment.

_My turn._

"And then, as I got to know you even better, it occurred to me that this world would never be complete until part of you was created into another life. That it would be robbed to have a miniature Spencer not running around in it…and that's when I knew I wanted to have children with you, baby."

"Ashley…" I hear her voice crack a bit and I cut her off.

"And honey, I am totally, one-hundred percent aware that I did a 180 after New York. And I know now that I incorrectly thought that if I spoiled our kids, never told them no, blurred the boundaries you and I spent so long creating, that they would never doubt how much I loved them. And it was stupid and immature, and I am sorry I caused you so much stress." I pause again, this time ready for her to respond fully.

"I know, Ashley. I really do know that. And I am mad at myself because I let my own insecurities get the best of me," she confesses and I sit up a bit in wonder as to what this perfect woman and mother could possibly be insecure about.

"What do you mean?" I ask, the confusion pouring from my lips and over the telephone lines.

"Well, I mean, I always worried a little that you would be the 'cool mom' and that I would be the boring one," she begins, almost shyly, and as much as I want to interrupt her at this very second, I let her continue. "You're the rock star, Ash. The one who can play guitar and sing with them, and who always says funny things and has this amazing energy that I am so scared I cannot compete with. So when you started loosening up too much with them, and I felt like I was the only disciplinarian, I started inwardly getting defensive for no real reason other than those exact fears I just explained." She takes another deep breath, and I wait to make sure she is finished before responding to her confession.

"First of all, babe, do you even realize how many gifts you have, how many amazing talents you possess that make you the coolest person I have ever met?" It's a rhetorical question so I know I do not have to wait for a response. "Honey, those kids think you hung the moon and stars. Lyla has told me so many times that one day she's going to be able to draw and color as good as her Mommy. And I guess you've never seen Bo play 'photographer' have you?" I hear her chuckle at this and I give her a chance to process it.

"He play's photographer?" she asks in amazement.

"Yes, Spence, he does. He walks around the living room with his toy camera and puts on this thoughtful look as he tries to capture the perfect shots." I join in her laughter as I tell her about the time I caught him telling Lyla to sit on the edge of the coffee table, walking up to her to tilt her head just right. And I tell her about him saying 'that's going to be a keeper' as he pretended to snap the shot.

Her laugher stills a bit before she speaks again. "I wish I would have known all of this, Ash."

"And I am sorry I never thought to tell you," I apologize sheepishly, metaphorically kicking myself for not realizing how important those little things can be.

"Well, if they think I hung the moon and stars, then you hung the rest of the universe, Ashley," she says warmly. "Bo cannot put that guitar down!"

"Well he can long enough to pick up a camera every once in a while," I remind her.

"Yeah...oh, and guess who saw a picture of you from a few years back and asked me if she could dye the front of her hair 'wed'?"

"Oh GOD!" I moan as we both convulse into laughter again. "Please tell me you said no," I beg and she just continues to laugh.

"Hey, you and I promised our kids could express their individuality however they see fit, remember?" She is teasing me but I nod my head anyway, knowing we had so many grand plans for raising our kids to be open-minded and kind and good.

"Yes, yes we did, babe. And Spencer, our children are the amazing creatures they are because of the way we have raised them, and I am sorry I started to put a cramp in that." I shudder at the thought of destroying what we have worked so hard to accomplish with them. "Honey, I promise you, I will cast aside the doubts I feel sometimes, and I will work on coming back together with you and the parenting we have agreed upon, and until recently have kind of rocked at," I promise with a smile.

"I believe you. And I will never be stupidly envious of you for being such a sexy, bad-ass rock star, cause I don't blame those two one bit for thinking that you kind of rock," she states in an amused tone.

We both take along breath and blow it out, so that I can hear her and she can hear me.

"I meant what I told you in New York, Ash. You are the world's best Mama."

"And you are the universes' greatest Mommy, babe."

And we decide it's time to go, the clock glaring 2:37 at us.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ash," she whispers.

"Yep. And babe, I won't ever stop saying this. I love you."

"I love you, too."


	22. I Never Told You

Chapter 22: I Never Told You

_And that's how we got here._

And I glance at the clock again, knowing full well it takes me eleven minutes to get from my place to hers.

And I listen to the second hand of the clock tick.

_Tick. _

_Tick. _

And it's 4:49 and I am out the door.

…

"MOMMY!" I hear the delighted squeals of my kids as Spencer opens the door and I am pummeled by four arms to my legs.

"Ash, you don't have to knock," she whispers as we lock eyes for a few seconds.

"Sorry…"

"Mommy, come in hewe and look what I dwewe fo ya." And I am being pulled by the hand by a very enthusiastic five year-old little girl.

"Okay, okay…but we need to get going, pumpkin," I inform her as I pause at the edge of the living room.

And she is holding a picture up to me.

And it's a step above stick figures, but a step below a professional artist's sketch.

And it's two grown women, one blonde and one brunette, and a little blonde-haired boy, and a little brown-haired girl, standing on green grass with a rainbow in the air above them, and a half sun hanging in the top left corner, and little read hearts floating in the air all around.

_And she can draw better than I can. _

"Lyla, it's so beautiful," I assure her as I bend down and take the family portrait gently in my finger tips. "I'm gonna hang it on the fridge when we get ho…when we get to the other beach house," I correct myself, as I pull her into a gentle hug.

Pulling her with me as I stand up again, I turn to see Spencer placing Bo's back-pack on his little shoulders before she turns to meet my gaze, and I notice glistening in her huge blues eyes.

Shaking myself from my urge to rush to her, I bump Lyla up higher onto my hip as I smile down at our son.

"Little dude, you ready to go?" I ask softly as he clings to his Mama's leg.

And with a slow nod, I make my way to him to grab his hand.

"Can I call you later?"

And she nods as a single tear rolls down her face.

…

"But Mommy, how come tha back powch is so smawell?"

"Bo…son, it's just a smaller house. And say poRch."

_Wow, Mommy…good explanation. _

_And should I be correcting him right now when he's being thrust into this scary and new situation?_

"Wewl, why is the t.v. so smawl awso?"

"ALSO. Buba, it's time for bed," I groan as I am sitting next to him in the strange room, trying to tuck him into a bed much too big for his little body.

"Wewl…Mommy, Last night Mama let me have some choc-o-late milk befo-RE I went to sleep."

_And now he's spinning yarn. _

But he is concentrating on his L's and R's, which his teacher has been working on with him at school, and I consider for a moment giving him some chocolate milk, but shake the thoughts from my head, knowing I have to be strong on this one.

"Son, there is NO chocolate milk after you have brushed your teeth, so don't tell your Mommy things that are NOT true." I look down sternly upon his little face in time to see it crumble.

"I miss Mama!" he wails, and I can do nothing else but pull his little body up into my arms.

"Hey, my little buddy," I whisper as I stroke his blonde curls and pull him more tightly into the nook of my shoulder by the back of his neck. "I know you miss Mama, but you know what? I missed you and I am so happy you are here with me tonight. I need my little man around, too."

And the convulsions in his tiny body begin to still as he rubs his head back and forth across my shoulder to rid his nose completely of the snot that has been oozing since he started crying.

Resting him onto his back, I pull his covers over him and lean down to kiss him gently on the forehead.

"You want Micky's in the morning, Bubs?" I inquire, attempting to distract him from his apparent discomfort in this strange room in this stranger house.

He hiccups and then nods his head, and I sit with him and stroke his hair until his heavy eyes finally give up the battle and close.

…

Spencer's POV

"You know what I should have done a LONG time ago?"

I pull the covers up over me and fluff the pillows a bit to give me more support as I lie in bed and talk to her.

"Trusted me?" I reply smugly and I can almost feel her shake her head through the phone.

"BESIDES that. No, I have been thinking Spence, and I should just sit down with Bree, woman to slightly less of an excuse for one…" and she pauses, possibly waiting to see what my reaction will be.

"ASH…"

"Okay, honey. I'm sorry," she tells me sincerely and I attempt to stifle my laughter so that she will continue…

_Cause let's face it…she's kind of cute and funny. _

"But anyway, I think I need to just confront her, Spence. Let HER convince me that her intentions are pure and that she is remorseful. And that she will not FUCK with me again," she adds.

"You are a bad ass," I tease, but she's not finished with her proposal.

"Spence, seriously. I remember how you were after Ben died. On top of experiencing tremendous grief over losing your mentor and friend, you were absolutely getting your ass kicked trying to keep the business going without him."

"Yeah…it was pretty horrible for a while," I agree as I settle in to listen to the rest of her speech.

"I know that, honey. And as much as I hate to admit it, once you hired Bree, it was like the weight of the world was suddenly yanked from your chest. And I can acknowledge that as I sit here right now," she admits softly, and I silently praise her honesty.

"So of COURSE you were terrified to lose Bree. I mean, there were times I considered torching that damn studio, you were gone so much," she teases and I cannot help but laugh at her irrational statement. "But Jesus, Spence, once she came on board, I was eating dinner with my wife again, and she was helping me put our children to bed again. and I failed miserably to see how much I had gained with that little hire you impulsive made."

"Babe…"

"Sweetie, let me finish. Okay?" Her voice is soft but firm, and I have no reason to deny her request.

"And she's a bit younger, and has probably had her heart broken, and is probably lost in this big city…and I cannot blame her one bit for finding comfort with you."

I sigh as I continue to listen to her words.

"And I really cannot blame her for confusing that comfort with something more. I mean MY God, shouldn't I judge her for being a lesbian and working with you and NOT developing a crush on you?

And I laugh, though I notice she does not.

"Spencer, my point is, you are a smart, savvy, brilliant business woman, and the most beautiful women in this whole world, and I should have trusted that you were doing what was right for the studio. And I should have confronted Bree, put the fear of God into her, and then slammed you against your desk and dry-fucked you in front of her, pee'd on you just a little bit, and left," she concluded and I absolutely erupt.

"Pee'd on me?!" I cry as I attempt in vain to cease my laughter and scold her for her completely inappropriate description of how she should 'mark her territory'.

"Spence," she continues, much more seriously. "With your permission, I'd like to take young Bree for coffee, and explain to her just how much my family means to me, and allow her the opportunity to convince me she won't fuck with it ever again."

"Ashley, you don't need my permission to do anything," I assure her as I try to envision how this little meeting might go.

"Okay, then with your approval?" Her voice rises just a bit at the end of her suggestion, but we both know it's really just semantics.

"Ash…I approve. And here's the deal…if after YOU talk to her, you are not convinced that her intentions are true…if you are not comfortable with her staying on, I will let her go. I promise…"

"Okay, Spencer. I can deal with that. And listen, I am not a victim here, okay? At least not YOUR victim. I should have put Marissa in her place in Miami, you know?"

I shudder a bit remembering the waitress' flippant treatment of me before interjecting my thoughts. "Ash…that really was not completely your fault. We both know I am not the best drunk…in fact neither of us are," I laugh, reminding her of Chicago.

"Well…you are not a great drunk, but you are a great lay when you are a bit medicated," she teases and we both erupt. "But seriously, Kyla and I talked about how it is hard not to get a little flattered when someone flirts with you. I mean, there is a difference between flirting and actually making a pass, but regardless, the only thing I was doing in that bar before you came was sitting at a bar stool, drinking, and talking about you." Her voice is soft and honest and I relax back down into the bed and listen hard. "And I am sure she was jealous and wanted to try to manipulate the situation in front of you, but you did see that our savings is still in tact, right?"

I hear the amusement in her voice and I shake my head, re-playing my scene in the hotel room when we arrived that night after the bar.

"Yes, and I think the balance was even bigger than I predicted," I admit sheepishly.

She chuckles at this and I hear another deep breath through the phone. "Babe, we are hot. That's the bottom line. But we are even hotter for one another, and that's why nothing else, and no one else matters, and I realize that now. Do you?"

I nod my head slowly before making my response verbal. "I do, babe. I really do. Just don't let me drink vodka when you know there might be a trashy waitress who has the hots for you in the nearby vicinity," I suggest and she laughs again.

"Deal."

"So what did you feed the kids for dinner tonight?" I suck my breath in, and let it out in shock at her response.

"Well, I grilled some Mahi Mahi that I bought from the market today. They actually liked it. I used a sweet citrus marinade to kill the fishy taste a little. And I made some rice, cause Bo told me he liked the rice you made last night. And I made broccoli which I had to drench with cheese sauce for them to eat, BUT they did eat it." She sounds nervous at this, but I am silently thrilled at her inclusion of veggies in her meal. "And I cut some fresh pineapple, which they devoured. I was shocked."

"Wow, hon. That sounds great. And don't feel guilty about the cheese sauce. You know I do it all the time," I remind her.

"Yeah, that's true. I did use skim milk though," she boasts and I shake my head again.

"Well, I am glad they got a good dinner, and quit setting the bar so high," I tease through a yawn, which I try to muffle unsuccessfully.

"Hey, you need to get some sleep," she whispers and I actually hear her let a yawn go herself. "But, hey…I finished the last song for my album the other night," she informs me before I have a chance to tell her I am actually okay for a little while longer.

"Oh, Ash! That's so great! I know you have been struggling with this one," I congratulate her whole-heartedly, recalling all of the pencils I have found in the nooks and crannies of her music room while cleaning throughout the week.

"Yeah…I just have to play it for Ethan and I think it's time to start recording," she states, sounding pleased, and rightfully so.

"I'm proud of you Ash," I tell her honestly. "I can't wait to hear it."

"Well…you wanna hear it now?" She suggests shyly, and I sit straight up in bed, not wanting anything more at this moment.

"I would love that!" I exclaim so loudly that the volume of my own voice shocks me, and probably her as I hear her laugh nervously.

"Okay…give me a sec. I need my guitar." And I hear her set the phone down and wait impatiently to hear her voice come back over the line.

A few minutes later, I hear her breathing again. "Okay…I am going to put the phone on speaker so I can set it down," she announces and I settle back onto the pillows I have propped against the headboard.

"You ready?" I hear her call.

"Yep," I respond quickly as I hear the strums of the chords of a song I have never heard.

_I miss those blue eyes,  
How you kiss me at night,  
I miss the way we sleep…_

Like there's no sunrise,  
Like the taste of your smile,  
I miss the way we breathe…

But I never told you,  
What I should have said…  
No, I never told you,  
I just held it in…

I suck my breath in as she moves flawlessly to the chorus.

_  
And now,  
I miss everything about you…  
Can't believe that I still want you…  
And after all the things we've been through…  
I miss everything about you…  
Without you…_

And like so many times before, I am completely swept away by her gorgeous raspy voice and even more by the lyrics she is pouring out. __

I see your blue eyes,  
Every time I close mine,  
You make it hard to see…  
Where I belong to,  
When I'm not around you,  
It's like I'm alone with me…

But I never told you,  
What I should have said…  
No, I never told you,  
I just held it in…

And as she hits the chorus again, the emotion and honesty in her voice grows along with the volume, and I feel the tears slip uncontrollably down my cheeks.__

And now,  
I miss everything about you…  
Can't believe that I still want you…  
And after all the things we've been through…  
I miss everything about you…  
Without you…

But I never told you,  
What I should have said…  
No, I never told you,  
I just held it in…  


And I cannot choke back the sobs as she breaks into the final round of the chorus.

_  
And now,  
I miss everything about you..  
Can't believe that I still want you…  
And after all the things we've been through…  
I miss everything about you…  
Without you…_

And I hear her set the guitar down and fumble for the phone, before taking it off speaker and breathing unevenly into it as I attempt to re-gain control.

"Ash…"

"Was it okay?" she asks, way too unsure of herself in light of the fact it was about the most beautiful thing I have ever heard in my life.

"Ashley, okay does not even scratch the surface. It was amazing and beautiful and I am so moved," I choke out as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "You never cease to amaze me."

"I am glad you liked it," she whispers and I hear her soft voice break a little. "I better let you go to bed."

"Ash…can you sing it again?" I request, feeling a little guilty because I know she must be tired too.

"Of course I will," she assures me and the chords, the words, and her magical voice fill the room…and my heart…again.

**AN: The song in this chapter is Colbie Caillat's 'I Never Told You'. Heard it on the radio and could not wait to include it in this story…**


	23. And Send It Soaring

Chapter 23: And Send It Soaring

Spencer's POV

_Tick_.

_Tick. _

_Tock. _

And there is the key in the door.

_FINALLY!  
_

It's Saturday night, five o'clock sharp, and my family is bounding through the door, our children engulfing me as I sink to my knees and pull them to me.

And I smile up at her warmly.

_You didn't knock._

_And my GOD you look hot._

She is wearing faded, tight jeans, a tight black t-shirt with the word 'Sinful' scrawled across the front in white, and a black leather jacket with chains on the pockets. Her hair is down, framing her subtly made-up face with soft curls.

"Hey, my little munchkins! I missed you!" I assure them as I tear my eyes from her and give them both multiple kisses before releasing them from my grasp.

"Mama, guess what Mommy's taking us to do next time we see hew...rrr!" Bo exclaims as I catch Ashley's eyes, widening my own in sheer curiosity as I chuckle at his correction.

"What, Bub?" I ask him, sharing in his obvious excitement.

"Mommy's takin us on a hot aiwrr ba-lloon r-ide!" And he and Lyla are hopping up and down manically as Ashley smiles proudly at me.

"She IS?" I exclaim as I clap my hands. "Oh, Bub, that's sooo exciting!" I assure him as I stand and face her.

"And MAMA, she said you get to come if ya want!"

She bites her lip softly, searching my eyes for my reaction.

"Well, son, if Mommy wants me to come, I would just love to," I inform him without breaking our stare.

"Mama, can I bwing my dolly?" Lyla asks sweetly and I nod my head at her, catching a quick wink from my wife.

"Of course you can, Lyla-Lou," she responds for me, and I decide to wink back.

"Ok, little ones, Mommy's got to get going. Can I have some bear hugs and kisses, please?" She starts to bend down as they rush to her, and I hear the words come out before I have had a chance to process the idea behind them.

"Hey, stay for dinner?"

Her face flies up to meet my nervous stare and I see a small bit of hesitation fill her eyes.

"Are you sure?" She asks quietly and I just nod. And she slips the leather jacket off slowly before hanging it on a hook in the hallway.

"Yeah…." I assure her and I watch relaxation overtake her. "And hey, munchkins, Mama bought you a surprise!" I beam as they whip around at their favorite word.

I pull the hall closet open and pull out two brand-new kites I had bought earlier in the afternoon, planning to take them down to the beach on Sunday to try them out.

They squeal in delight as I let them check them curiously check out the brightly colored contraptions I have set in their little hands.

"Can we go fly them now, Mama?" Bo begs and Lyla joins in the insistences.

"Yes, PAWEEESE Mama!"

"Well…there's plenty of daylight left," I deduce as I glance out the bay windows onto the beach. "What do you think, Mommy?" I glance at Ashley's amused face as she pulls her stare from me and looks outside as well.

"I think there appears to be just the right amount of wind," she states, and I cannot help but laugh at her uncharacteristically scientific observation. "Yeah, let's go see what these things can do!"

And we are chasing two crazed kids out the back door and down onto the beach, both of us fighting to keep up.

…

I am standing about ten yards away, watching our children patiently standing in front of their Mommy, who is teaching them both how to hold the kites, explaining to them how to get the things in flight. I move towards them, deciding that while I am in love with the scene, I want to be a part of the action.

"Okay, now, we have to start running and let the string out slowly," she explains as Bo takes off down the beach, his kite plummeting to the ground.

"Hey, buddy, come here, let Mama help you," I urge as he turns a dejected face to me.

Ashley has one hand placed gently on Lyla's back and the other helping her grip her own kite as they begin their own attempts. I parrot Ashley's actions and within a few more seconds we have two beautiful kites in perfect flight in the air above as we are running slowly across the sand below.

"WOW!" Bo exclaims as he stares up in wonder.

"WOW!" Lyla copies her brother as her brown eyes twinkle against the last of the evening sun.

"WOW!" I cry as Ashley beams proudly at me.

"Wow…" she whispers as she stares deeply into my eyes. "You look beautiful."

…

After the last of the sun had threatened to leave the sky for the night, we tucked the kites under our arms and lead our children back to the house.

I cook shrimp and angel hair pasta with garlic and lemon, garlic bread, steamed carrots and peas, and slice some pineapple, copying my wife a bit on that last menu item.

And we sit at the table, each of us in our usual seats, and talk all about the magic of the kite-flying, the children of course making us promise they could do it again tomorrow.

After dinner, Bo suggests we watch Kung-Fu Panda (for the eleventh time) and I ask Ashley to stay for the movie. She agrees, but on the condition that I let her make popcorn.

And I cannot argue because she makes the best popcorn ever. I don't know what she does to it…

Wait, yes I do. Lots and LOTS of butter and salt.

And I have no complaints.

So we snuggle up on the couch, Lyla in my lap and Bo tucked safely in her arms, leaving her grip here and there to try out some kung-fu poses, making us both giggle uncontrollably.

When the movie ends, both children still awake, a rarity for Lyla, I inform them that it is time to go to bed.

And they protest, Lyla more adamantly.

Again, a rarity.

"Kids, if you be good and go brush you teeth and put your jammies on, Mama will sing you a song before you go to bed," Ashley promises them, and I feel myself already melting, thinking back to her voice singing to me over the phone last night.

And all the sudden, they are nowhere to be seen.

"Wow, Mommy, nice work," I commend her as she retrieves one of her guitars from the music room.

"Let's go," she winks as she takes my hand and leads me up to the already jammie'd children with minty fresh breath.

Bo climbs onto Lyla's bed, the chosen room for the lullaby session, and Lyla is already curled up under her covers, her little hands folded neatly over her chest as she waits for Ashley to sing.

"Mommy, will you sing 'You Awe My Sunshine'?" She requests, and Ashley smiles down at her.

"Sure, and then I have a special song for you both," she informs them as I slide around to pull Bo against my chest, joining in with my children, who are singing along to one of the first songs I ever heard her sing to Bo when he was a tiny baby.

"So please don't take my sunshine away…" she concludes, barely whispering the last line as our eyes meet and hold each other there for a few seconds before she shakes out of my stare and begins strumming her next lullaby.

_Dragon tales and the "water is wide",  
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly,  
Fish bite moonbeams every night,  
And I love you…_

Godspeed, little man…

And Bo giggles.

_  
Sweet dreams, little girl…_

And Lyla giggles, too.

_  
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings…  
Godspeed,  
Sweet dreams…_

And I begin rocking Bo back and forth in my arms as I use a free hand to stroke Lyla's brown curls.__

The rocket racer's all tuckered out,  
Superman's in pajamas on the couch,  
Goodnight moon, will find the mouse,  
And I love you…  


_I love you_ (I think to myself).

_  
Godspeed, little man…  
Sweet dreams, little girl…  
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings…  
Godspeed…  
Sweet dreams…  
_

Lyla's eyes start to flutter shut, and I feel Bo going slightly limp in my arms as she softens her voice a bit.

_  
God bless mommy and match box cars,  
God bless Mama and thanks for the stars…_

And _I_ giggle.

_  
God hears "Amen," wherever we are,  
And I love you…_

Godspeed, little man…  
Sweet dreams, little girl…  
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings…  
Godspeed…  
Godspeed…  
Godspeed…  
Sweet dreams…

…

We are standing in the doorway as she reaches for that HOT leather jacket and begins to pull it on.

_You look so damn good, baby. _

_Honesty. Say what you are thinking._

"You look so damn good in that jacket, baby."

"Really?" She holds her hands out to her sides and glances down at herself before raising shy eyes to me.

"REALLY. Do you need any more clothes or anything?"

"Yeah, actually. You mind if I come up and grab a few things from the room?" she requests and I nod as I turn and walk up the stairs, with her close behind.

We enter our room and I hang back as she starts to walk towards the closet.

And I shut the door.

Hearing it latch, she stops in her tracks and turns slowly to face me, confusion spread all across her face.

I take a deep, uneven breath as I narrow my eyes a bit, unable to mask the longing I feel for her.

"Spence?" She questions as I see lust take over her face.

And my body involuntarily moves across the floor of our room and I crash into her, her hands moving directly to my face, my own getting tangled in her brown curls, our lips connecting instantly in a desperate and passionate kiss that leaves us both breathless as we finally pull back for needed air.

Still tangled up in each other, I push her towards the bed as she leans in and takes my lips in her own again, her tongue sliding back and forth over my lower lip. I part my lips slowly and feel her tongue begin to slide inside, finding my own as she falls back onto the bed, and I sink down over her body.

"Oh, baby," she moans as I gently lift her arms above her head, pulling at the bottom of her tight-fitting tee.

"I need you…" I mutter between kisses to her face and neck before pulling the t-shirt off of her body and flinging it aside.

"I need you, too," she whispers as she rids me of my white tank top and it joins her shirt on the floor.

I meld our flushed chests together as our hips begin to rock into one another. I hear her groan as she strains her body against mine, and the next thing I know, I am fumbling with the zipper of her jeans, my hands shaking in anticipation. She brings her hands from my face to help me rid her of her jeans and the lacy black thong underneath, and in the same joint effort, we remove every last article of clothing that is keeping us apart.

She turns us over so that she is on top, and brushes the hair from my face as she leans in to reconnect her lips with mine. Her body is still hovering a bit above me as she holds herself up with her toned arms.

"Make love to me, Ash," I beg her quietly, my hips straining to feel her rest down onto me.

She smiles and nods before moving one leg to the outside of my hip and positioning herself as I pull my other leg up just enough to allow her to settle into me.

Slowly, she lowers herself and our centers find each other, the wetness already flowing from us both.

"Oh, God!" I cry, and am silenced as her lips crash into mine and she begins her slow ministrations against me.

"Oh, baby, you feel so good…" she purrs, her lips still brushing my own as I tighten my grip on her damp back, which is tensing with each thrust she makes against me.

"I've missed this so much," I assure her as I lock my eyes on hers, biting my lip as she moves deeper into me, assisted by my hands which have moved down to her tight ass.

"Uhhh…Oh God, I have too," she breathes as she pulls onto one knee, using it so masterfully to push her center deeper and harder into mine, as she begins peppering kisses down my throat and across my chest before taking a nipple into her mouth and tugging softly before using her moist tongue to hardened it within her mouth.

"Baby, harder," I beg as her hips begin bucking more desperately. I grit my teeth as I pull her into me, our wet bodies slipping and sliding, causing us to tighten our grips on each other even more.

"Make me cum, baby…" I moan as her she releases my rock hard nipple from her warm mouth and moves her face up so that she is flush with my own.

I stare deeply into her eyes as our faces begin to contort as our orgasm builds.

Higher and higher…

And we cry out in unison as her body slides hard against mine, every inch touching each other, our eyes locked as we are both send soaring into wild and abandoned pleasure before she collapses onto me and satisfied murmurs fill the stillness of our bedroom.

…

"Should I leave?" she asks softly as she pulls from my lips, where hers have been on and off for the past hour since we made love.

And in the minutes it takes me to answer, I see a collage of photographs behind my closed eyes, starting from high school, then to when we moved in together, to Malibu, to saying yes to her, to our wedding, to Bo's birth, to Lyla's birth, to birthday parties, to Malibu, to fighting, to making up, to her moving out, to a house that I have never seen and have to create a foggy image of, and back to her face as I open my eyes to find those chocolate orbs floating above me.

"I don't want you to go. Not tonight," I whisper and her lips are on mine again.


	24. Bag of Tricks

Chapter 24: Bag of Tricks

Ashley's POV

"Shhhh....Asssshhhh…" She is slightly scolding me as I hop down the stairs on one foot, trying to get my other shoe on while my jacket hangs off of one arm and my jeans are still un-buttoned.

"Sooorry…" I whisper back as I land off the last step and turn to smile sheepishly up at her. I manage to shove my boot on and fumble with the button of my jeans, while continuing to smile stupidly up at her.

She leans over the railing as I see the top of her round breasts begin to pop up over her tank top. The stupid look on my face grows wider as she glances down to see what I am drooling over. Giggling lowly, she pulls her tank up a bit, and shakes her head as I throw a pout in her direction.

"What?" I ask, letting the innocence drip from my tongue.

"Predictable…" she whispers still shaking her head, her blue eyes twinkling, even in the soft glow the morning sun is starting to create throughout the house. "Text me when you get home, okay?"

"I will," I whisper back as I finally secure the leather jacket over both arms. I straighten it a bit as I thrust my hips to the side in a 'sexy' pose, recalling her compliments from the night before.

She throws a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Go…" She shakes her head at me again and I wink before turning to tip-toe out the front door.

As my hand grasps the knob, I hear her call my name softly. I smile and turn back towards her in time to see her lift the tank top to her neck, revealing her perfectly round breasts and soft pink nipples fully to me.

And I am moving back towards the stairs when she yanks the tank top back down. "GO!" she insists as I frown at her from the bottom.

"Spencer Davies," I scold her before biting my lip. I shake my head and turn slowly, making my way back to the door. Before pulling it open, I lift my jacket just enough to reveal my tight jeans to her, and bend over seductively.

I hear her chuckle before I step out onto the front porch and pull the door closed behind me.

Climbing into my car, I turn the key and start the ignition. I sit in the driveway for a few minutes with my eyes closed, re-playing the events of last night, before opening them to take a good long look at our house.

_I want to come back home…_

…

Once I have driven the 7.34 miles back to my rental, I make my way inside and toss my jacket over the couch before pulling my phone from my purse.

_I'm here. I had an amazing time last night. Will you call me later?_

I settle into the couch and prop my feet up on the coffee table as I flip the television set on.

_What is on at 6:15 on a Sunday morning? _

I hear my phone buzz and glance down to see I have a picture message.

I open it and gasp. It's her bare chest, with text underneath that reads as follows:

_You Send Me Flying. I will call you after breakfast. ; )_

I fight to keep my wits about me as I stare at my wife's flawless body. Hitting reply, I send her another message before settling into early morning infomercials.

_You are a goddess. I love you. _

…

"Sorry it took so long to call you. I took the kids to the beach again," she informs me, her voice soft and a bit breathless.

"It's okay, hon. Did you guys get the kites in the air again?" I ask, truly interested in her response.

"Yeah, we did. But it was not as easy without you there. I had to take turns, and our children can be a bit impatient," she moans and I laugh in understanding.

"Yeah, I can imagine. So what are you guys doing the rest of the day?"

I have just gotten back from grocery shopping, buying as little as possible, secretly thinking I may not need a full refrigerator for much longer.

"Oh, I don't know. It's weird…" She takes a long, shaky breath before continuing. "Before, with you here, I don't feel like I ever had to think about what to do next…"

"Yeah? I think I know what you mean," I agree as I begin doodling on a piece of paper on my kitchen bar.

"You wanna come hang out…do something with the kids maybe?" She suggests, sounding a little too unsure of herself.

"Ummm…yeah, of course I do," I respond quickly as I begin glancing around the house, trying to think if there is anything unfinished here. "What time is it?" I ask out loud as I glance at my watch.

"Twelve-thirty," she answers for me. "There is a lot of day left," she informs me, and I nod as my mind begins racing.

"Well, what if I come pick you guys up and we go grab lunch somewhere where we can sit outside. Then maybe go buy half day passes to the zoo or take them to the park or something?" I suggest hopefully as I wait for her response.

"That sounds perfect," she assures me. "Can you be here in thirty minutes?"

"I can be there in eleven," I remind her as I slip my flip-flops back on and grab my keys.

…

"I want a salad, too," Bo informs us as we stare at each other in shock.

"A SALAD?" I exclaim through amused eyes.

Spencer has just informed me she is going to have the spinach salad with chicken, goat cheese, cherry tomatoes and candied walnuts, and I inform her I will have the same, minus the tomatoes. Lyla has decided on a tuna fish sandwich with potato chips and a pickle and we have turned to Bo to find out his order.

"Yeah, I want a salad Mommy," he insists and I nod my head and catch Spencer's eyes again.

"You sure Bubs? The have macaroni and cheese," I inform him, quite certain we'll be ordering a supplemental lunch for him later if he sticks to his guns on this.

"No, no macaroni, just a salad," he concludes before taking a sip of his lemonade.

"Okay, Buddy, one salad coming right up," she promises as I shake my head and wink at her.

We are sitting outside at a little café on the beach, the kids sipping lemonades through straws and Spencer and I opting for more mature Arnold Palmers (half lemonade, half iced tea of course.) The sun is shining brightly and there is a light breeze blowing. Bo and Lyla are coloring on kids' menus with crayons the waitress delivered after we were seated.

And Spencer and I are stealing longing looks and playing footsie as we commend our children's artistic abilities, Lyla having a slight edge over her slightly less artistic older brother, though we would never inform either one of them of this fact.

"Mama, Mommy, I really like salad, okay?" Bo informs us as he continues coloring his picture. "Lyla, can I borrow your red crayon?"

_Ummm…WHOA._

I shoot Spencer a shocked look and she returns my surprise, and amusement.

"He just said like five r's," I whisper and she nods in acknowledgement.

"Bo, you are getting to be such a big boy!" she commends him as she leans over and kisses his head.

"What about me, Mama?" Lyla protests through slightly defensive eyes, and I have to stifle a giggle as I wait for my wife to respond.

"Oh Lyla, you are getting to be such a big girl too!" She assures her as she stands up and moves around behind her to give her a kiss to her temple. "In fact, what do you say Mommy and I take you to get your ears pierced soon?" She raises her eyebrows to our daughter who appears to go through an internal processing of the idea.

She glances at me for approval and I nod my head and smile at Lyla. "I think you are just big enough to do it, Lyla-Lou!" I watch as she glances back and forth between us, her very grown-up brown pony-tail flipping back and forth.

"Wewl, okaaayyy…" She begins slowly before elation takes over her little face. "Yes! I want ta get my earrs piewrrced!" She decides and Spencer kisses her again before re-taking her seat and smiling proudly at me.

"Can I too?!"

And we shake our heads and stare desperately at one another, both hoping the other will know how to respond to our son.

…

I pull the car into the driveway and glance in the rearview mirror at the two satisfied but tired children sitting in the back seat, both gripping the remains of their souvenirs from the Zoo, Bo with a stuffed tiger and Lyla with a stuffed polar bear.

And Spence with a stuffed lion I bought her when she wasn't looking.

And you can probably guess I had quoted the Wizard of Oz just a few times throughout the afternoon.

_I never fail to wear my wife thin…_

"So, you wanna come in for a bit?" She asks, seemingly hopefully as we arrive at the front porch.

"Yeah, sure…for a bit," I respond through a coy smile as we shuffle the children through the front door.

…

And a few hours later we are sitting on the couch, nothing but the dim light of the lamp on the end table lighting the room, our children tucked in tightly, beating their bedtime by nearly ten minutes…

She pours me another glass of wine and I thank her softly. We lift our glasses and clink them together lightly before each taking a sip.

"Thank you for today," I tell her gratefully and she shakes her head in apparent confusion. "For letting me spend time with you and the kids. I don't know what I would have done with myself all day," I admit as I look down for a moment.

She takes my chin in her hand and lifts my face back to hers. "Don't thank me for anything," she insists softly and I feel myself get just a bit lost in her big blue pools.

"You know what I mean, Spence."

_But maybe she doesn't_, I think as she continues to stare at me, her hand still touching my face softly.

"Ashley, despite this little idea we are trying to play out, you are their mother, and you are my wife, and this is our family," she begins as she starts stroking my cheek, causing my eyes to shut as I tremble from her touches. "I don't know what expectations we had in all of this, but I never wanted you to be totally separated from us, and I cannot imagine you wanted me to be totally separated from the three of you," she continues and I open my eyes and nod my head slowly as one of my hands creeps up and around the back of her shoulders as I scoot closer to her.

"Ashley, I still need to apologize…I mean really apologize for the thing I said that night during the card game," she whispers as I see guilt overcome her beautiful features.

"Spence, you don't have too…"

"No, Ash…I do. I am sorry for embarrassing you. For being so fucking insensitive. Cause the truth is, although I am pretty sure they have an idea…they don't really have a clue how much pleasure you bring to me each and every time…" Her voice trails off a bit as she closes her eyes and I see a soft smile creep up onto her lips.

"Well…every time but one, apparently," I half tease as she opens her eyes and gives me a disapproving smirk.

"Baby…" she protests softly as she picks back up on the soft caresses to my face.

"Listen, promise me this…" I begin as I scoot even closer to her and the arm I have wrapped around her slides down just enough to grip her to me. "Never, ever fake anything with me again. I mean, if you aren't getting there, I will reach into my bag of tricks until I find just the right one to seal the deal," I inform her with a seductive look.

"Baby, you don't need a bag of tricks," she assures me with an amused grin as she runs her fingertips through my hair, causing goose bumps to forms all over my body. "BUT, I must admit, you've sparked my attention," she informs me as her grin grows wider.

And I pretend to dig deeply into the pocket of my jeans, my eyes growing wide as I pretend to fish something out before hiding my hand behind my back.

"Whatcha got back there?" She inquires innocently, attempting to pull my arm in front of me as I fight her while shaking my head adamantly.

"Uh, uh, uh," I tease as I shake my head. "It's my SECRET bag of tricks," I continue to tease as I push her down onto the couch.

And within moments, my 'secret trick' is working itself into her jeans which she is desperately pulling from her own body as our lips and tongues are everywhere.

And as my 'secret surprise' plunges into her, her moans and groans fill the air.

And my 'secret fingers', which I have been using to bring her pleasure for twenty years take her over the edge again and again…


	25. Coffee Talk

Chapter 25: Coffee Talk

Ashley's POV

I pull my car into a spot near the entrance and glance in the rearview mirror, fussing with my hair a bit before turning off the ignition.

Taking a deep breath, I climb out of the car and walk to the entrance, pausing for another second before pulling the door open and walking inside.

I don't see anyone as I glance quickly to find Spencer's desk empty. Just then, I hear the door from the back room open and meet her eyes.

Not cerulean blue eyes which I had initially hoped to see, but brown eyes behind black horn-rimmed glasses, which immediately fill with fear and intimidation as she stops dead in her tracks.

"Ashley…hi…" she chokes out before beginning to fumble nervously with gadgets on her desk as if pretending to organize them. "Ummm…Spencer's not here," she informs me, refusing to look up from the 'tidying' she is doing to her desk.

"Oh…where is she?" I ask, and though seeing Spencer would have been a bonus, she's not really who I came to see.

"She had to run out for a bit. I think to check out a park she is taking engagement pictures at tomorrow," she explains, her voice shaking with each word.

"Okay. Well actually, Bree, I came to see you," I announce, my voice low and steady.

She whips her head up, confusion overtaking the fear, as she sets down the stapler she was loading and begins wringing her hands together.

"Me? Um…okay…" she whispers as I start towards her.

She jumps back unexpectedly and her abrupt movement actually makes me jump a bit.

"Bree, I didn't come to beat you up," I tell her seriously, trying to hide the amusement in my voice at the reaction I unintentionally invoked. "Here, have a seat," I suggest pointing to her chair as I pull a free one over and slide down into it.

Quickly realizing I cannot take her out for that cup of coffee I had planned, as she cannot leave the studio unattended, I get another idea.

"Hey, wait here. I will be right back."

And I leave her momentarily, before walking to the nearby Starbucks.

_I still need coffee. _

When I put Spencer to bed…I mean 'bed bed', it was after two in the morning.

I return to the studio about fifteen minutes later with two coffees in my hands. She is standing near the door when I arrive back. I hand one to her and signal for her to re-take her seat.

Trying to regain her composure again, she sinks slowly into her chair, her eyes searching mine for a sign that I really do come in peace. She picks up the stapler again and starts to fumble nervously with it before I reach over and clasp my hand over hers, forcing her to still her movements and then urging her to set it down with my eyes.

"Look, Bree…"

"Ashley, look…"

We both giggle a little before she apologizes and asks me to continue.

"Okay, Bree, here's the deal," I begin before taking a long, steady breath. "I want to talk to you about what happened all those months ago…with Spencer," I unnecessarily add.

She nods her head slowly and her face falls a bit.

"Bree, I am not sure I know exactly what happened…well exactly what was happening with YOU," I correct my statement before continuing. "BUT, I think it's time we clear the air here, because what I do know is that Spencer needs you here, and having all of this tension and things unsaid between us is causing her stress she just doesn't need."

I wait for her to lift her eyes to me, and when she finally does, I raise my eyebrows, signally to her that I need some sort of agreement from her as to what I have said so far.

"I know, you're right," she whispers as she locks her stare onto mine, and bites her lower lip as if contemplating her next move. "I'm sorry, Ashley, I don't know what I was thinking," she tells me sadly and I see the tears begin to brim.

"Well, why don't you try to figure out what it was you were thinking and tell me," I suggest, keeping the evenness in my voice, which is becoming hard to do as the events that lead up to this moment begin replaying in my mind.

She sniffles a bit, apparently trying to choke back the tears, before she speaks again. "Ashley, when I first started working here, I was so lonely. And Spencer, she was like my only friend in the world, or at least that's what it felt like for so many months," she begins as the tears finally begin to spill down her face. "My girlfriend had just broken up with me, and I literally thought I was gonna die," she informs me, the pain written all over her face.

_And I am starting to feel sorry for her. _

"And I probably should not be saying this to you, but my ex…she reminds me so much of Spencer," she confesses, the nervousness overtaking her again as she searches my eyes for some sort of sign. I simply nod my head, the understanding in my eyes not forced as I urge her to go on. "She was blonde, with blue eyes, sooo beautiful…" She bites her lip at this statement, again unsure as to how I will take that particular comparison.

"What was her name?" I ask, continuing to surprise myself with the compassion that is compounding with each word.

"Molly," she whispers as a few more tears slip down her face. "She was the love of my life…or so I thought," she informs me sadly as she removes her glasses, which have started to fog up…a fact I have noted but tried to ignore because I felt laughter boiling up watching this 'chemical reaction'.

She wipes her eyes and then her glasses on her t-shirt before setting them on her desk. "I thought she and I were going to end up just like you and Spencer," she says softly as the pain begins building back up on her face. "You know, the marriage, and the kids, and the perfect life…" She looks at me again, perhaps wanting me to interject something at this moment.

"Well…what happened?" I ask her, leaning in a bit despite myself.

"You know, I still don't really know. I mean I do, but I just don't," she breathes out dejectedly. "We spent like every waking second together, for years, and then suddenly, she started pulling away a bit. You know, not coming home straight from work like she normally would, making plans with friends without me, that sort of thing." She closes her eyes for a second as I watch her swallow the lump that has been forming in her throat as she has been trying to remain somewhat in control. "And instead of being happy at her new-found independence, instead of supporting it, I let it eat away at me…I got jealous and became this insecure monster to where I barely recognized myself anymore," she confesses and I nod my head, my hand feeling barely attached to my body as it reaches out and cups over hers, before squeezing it gently.

She looks startled for a moment before looking back up at me. I smile softly at her and nod my head yet again.

_I mean, I am REALLY starting to feel sorry for her. _

She returns my smile and I pull my hand back, allowing her to continue.

"So finally, I guess she just had enough. I mean we tried to talk about it, sort of, but I just could not let go of the insecurity, and the next thing I know, she's packing her bags." The tears find their way back up into her eyes and the next things I KNOW, she is sobbing.

I scoot around so that I am sitting next to her and place an arm around her back, rubbing it slowly. "It's okay, Bree…just let it all out…" I urge her as her sobs turns into wails. "That's right…have a good cry," I coax her on as I continue trying to sooth her.

She lunges at me and crashes into my arms, her body rocked with convulsions as I feel the front of my shirt become instantly soaked. I squeeze her tightly, and continue my words of encouragement as her sobs grow louder and more desperate.

"I know…it hurts…just let it all go…" I continue to encourage her as I lift one arm up behind her back and glance at my watch.

_Okay…that's enough._

Finally, she pulls back and I reach over to hand her a tissue. She wipes her eyes and then blows her nose loudly before inhaling shakily.

"And then I met Spencer, and she took me in and gave me this job, taught me everything she knows, and like I said, I felt like I had a friend again."

"So then why did you make a move on her?" I ask sternly, but not TOO sternly.

_I mean, the girl just poured her heart out to me, for God's sake. _

"That's the most fucked up part about this whole thing," she confesses as she squeezes her eyes shut. "I think I was sort of observing you guys having problems, and it started reminding me of my issues with Molly…and for some reason I like got some crazy idea in my head that I could comfort Spencer…give her the support and understanding I failed to give Molly… when what I really should have been doing was reflecting on what went wrong in MY relationship, and maybe taking solace in the fact that even the most perfect couples have problems."

She glances at me again, a twinge of terror in her eyes, which melts quickly as she sees that my own are now pouring.

"Ashley?"

And I am now in her arms, sobbing manically as she rubs MY back.

"That's right, let it all out," she whispers as I make sure to pay her back for soaking my shirt moments ago.

And I think I feel her lift her arm up behind my back and glance at her own watch.

Pulling back and accepting a tissue from her, I honk my own nose a few times before taking my own deep breath.

And we both take a sip of our now luke-warm coffees.

"You want me to nuke yours?" she offers and I nod. As she makes her way into the back room where the microwave is, I call after her.

"You know, we could have saved all three of us a lot of heartache if we had done this a long time ago."

She returns a minute later and hands me the slightly warmer latte and I thank her with a smile.

"I know. And you know what really sucks? I had a friend before…well two I suppose. But Spencer, she was such a rock for me. And then after I went and fucked it all up, she changed. Rightfully so, of course, but she just turned into, like, a boss." She frowns at me and I silently curse myself for ever doubting how pure my wife's intentions have always been.

I give her an understanding look before reacting to this information. "She's fiercely loyal," I state, and she returns the understanding look.

"I know…she loves you so much," she admits. "I just wish I could turn back time, because it's just not the same around here," she informs me sadly.

"Look, this little thing…you and me…it had to happen. And I have a feeling after today, things might just start to get back to normal around here," I promise her as her face relaxes.

…

"You know what used to drive me CRAZY?"

"What?"

I am so enthralled in her stories and she is so animatedly telling them that neither of us have heard the door to the studio open and close.

"She used to come home from work, right?"

I nod my head, enthusiastically, hanging on to every word.

"And start undressing in the living room. The LIVING ROOM!" She throws her hands up in the air, waiting for me to join in her horror. "I mean her shoes would be in the entry way, her jacket on the floor, her jeans over the couch. And the laundry room was like ten steps away!" Her hands are still in the air and her eyes are as wide as I am sure mine are.

"God, how irritating," I agree as I shake my head.

"Ahem…"

And I literally choke on the sip of coffee I was taking in an attempt to distract from my inability to say anything more when I look up to see Spencer standing behind me, one hand on her hip, her eyebrows raised in a mixture of disapproval and amusement.

"Um…hey Spencer, when did you get here?" I inquire, the sheepishness written all over my face.

"Oh, just in time," she chuckles as she shakes her head.

"Hey, Spencer…Ashley and I were just talking about Molly," Bree informs her as I stand up to give her a quick hug.

"Yeah, you could have been talking about someone else, if you ask me," she chides as she pulls from my embrace. "So…everything okay here, ladies?"

"Yeah, it is," I tell her simply before flashing her a nose-crinkling grin.

"Spencer, you wife is so fucking awesome!" Bree exclaims, as if she's lost all control of the volume of her voice.

Spencer's amused grin melts into a look of total shock at this revelation, and she looks quickly from Bree to me before flashing me a heart-stopping smile.

"Yeah, she is," she whispers as she tilts her head just enough to seal the deal…of stopping my heart, that is.

"So Bree, listen, if you ever need to talk about any of this some more, you have my number. And I am sure I'll be back around these parts again," I inform her before winking at Spencer.

"These parts?" She mocks me with another amused grin.

I just shake my head as we all three laugh…together.

"So I will be by at five, okay?" I remind her as I start to gather my things.

"Right, five…" she agrees as her face drops.

I start to walk towards the door, before turning abruptly and rushing back to her. Grabbing her roughly, I slam her against her desk, bending her back onto it before pressing my body against her. Bending one leg, I rest my knee on top of the desk, and then pull the other up so I am straddling her. I pull her arms above her head and kiss her deeply and passionately, eliciting a loud moan as her eyes slam shut. I grind into her few times and kiss her again before pulling back.

Jumping off the desk, I throw a smirk back at Bree before lifting one leg like a male Labrador Retriever, and then slam my foot down and exit the studio, only looking back for a second.

And I see her stand up, straighten her shirt, and run her fingers through her hair before turning to me.

And then all I hear is laughter as the door closes behind me.

…

Driving home from the studio, I cannot help but chuckle at my antics when I hear my phone buzz.

Opening the text message, I smile.

_I don't know what you said, but thank you. She cannot stop talking about what a bad ass you are. : )_

Waiting impatiently for the next stop light, I finally reach a red and quickly type a response.

_Well, let's just say we have an understanding. And Spence, don't hold back for me any longer. That girl could really use a friend. _

As the light turns green, I hear another buzz and glance quickly to read her response.

_You amaze me. I will see you soon. I love you, Ash._

And it feels like I have driven across California and back before I reach another red light.

_I love you too, baby._


	26. Up

Chapter 26: Up

Spencer's POV

"Bo, close the door, son. The air conditioner is on," I call over my shoulder as I am kneeling on the floor in front of Lyla, who is trying to tie her own shoe laces on her little pink and white tennis shoes.

Ashley and I had informed her that she had to learn before starting kindergarten in the fall, and it is taking all my restraint not to just do it myself.

"But when is Mommy gonna get here?" he calls as he slowly starts to push the door shut, but leaving it open just a hair as he continues to peak through the small crack he has left.

"Soon, Bubs. Now please shut the door. You are gonna let the bugs in," I tease him with a smirk.

"But there's no bugs out there, Mama. I looked," he assures me as he closes the door completely and brushes his long blond locks from his face.

"Oh really. Not one bug out there, huh?"

"No, not one," he promises as he starts towards me, his little face red with excitement, and possibly a slight sunburn since he's been standing in the doorway, letting the beaming sun enter the house just enough.

"Bo, can you put some sunscreen on your face and arms please," I request as I continue to watch Lyla fumble with the laces on her left shoe. The right one is tied sloppily and I reach up to tighten it a bit, continuing to exercise patience while she works hard to secure the second lace.

I glance up to see Bo's face slathered in white cream, his hands brimming as he starts to coat his bare arms. I lung over to rescue the carpet from a glob that is slipping from his hands, and recycle the sunscreen onto Lyla's rosy cheeks and forehead.

"Buddy, rub that in real good, okay," I urge him, not able too fully hide my amusement at the pasty little boy working hard to accomplish what is probably an impossible task. I slide my hands across his arms, borrowing some more sunscreen for Lyla's arms and chest.

As my attention averts from Bo to Lyla, I miss our son pouring even more sunscreen into his hands. And the next thing I know, his hands are on MY face coating me with the thick white cream.

"Bo!" I cry as he cups me under the chin and begins rubbing circles on my cheek.

"Hold still, Mama. You need some sunscreen too," he informs me seriously as his hand moves up my forehead where he continues applying the goop, which he is now getting in my hair.

And as I watch him bite his tongue and concentrate on ensuring his Mama is protected from the harmful rays of the summer sun, our daughter has grabbed the bottle and I hear a loud quirt before her little hands are sloppily moving up and down my arms, leaving uneven white streaks as she works.

And I just sit there on my knees, unable to protest, or do much of anything for that matter. Other than smile adoringly and appreciatively at the efforts.

"Oh…my…word…"

And I glance up to see Ashley standing at the edge of the living room, her hand coming up to clamp over her mouth as I stare desperately up at her, practically sandwiched by the little beings who have succeeded in covering every inch of exposed flesh with a thick white layer.

"Mommy, come hewe!" Lyla cries as she claps her hands together and a few stray drops of lotion go flying in the air.

"Yeah, Mommy, it's your turn," Bo informs her as she begins to back away slowly.

"Oh, no no," she protests, waving both hands in front of her.

"But Mommy, you'll get a sunburn," Bo insists as I feel my own hand clamp over my mouth.

And then I spit and search for a clean piece of flesh to use to rub the sunscreen off of my mouth.

"Yes, Mommy. It is definitely YOUR turn," I agree seriously as I stand and walk to the mirror to check out my appearance as I attempt to rub the sunscreen in fully.

And as I catch my appearance in the mirror, the laughter I have been holding back escapes me fully.

Picture Cameron Diaz in _There's Something About Mary_. You know, the hair gel scene. Only a much more innocent, and less disgusting, white substance, which has caused the front of my hair to stand straight up…

And I throw a look at my wife through the mirror, and am met by two huge chocolate brown orbs, framed in thick white…

…

"Bo, come here and hold your sissy's hand for a minute," I urge him as Ashley reads the release for the twelfth time, pointing out the risks to me over and over, while chewing nervously on her lower lip.

But standing there, just a few feet away from the gigantic rainbow-colored balloon, there is NO going back.

"Honey, it's going to be fine," I whisper so that the children are spared from the hesitation that has all the sudden come over my wife.

"But the thing could blow up," she whispers back as she continues to wear a hole in her lip.

"Ash, it's not going to blow up," I assure her softly as I run my fingers down her back a few times, in a failed attempt to calm her nerves. "Sweetie, look at our children. You really want to back out of this now?"

And we both turn slowly to find Bo holding Lyla's hand tightly as he leans down to whisper something enthusiastically in her little hear, her eyes growing wide as she begins jumping up and down. He then starts pointing to the balloon and we strain our ears to hear what he is telling her.

"And Lyla, if you get scared you can just keep holding my hand, okay, but there's nothing to be scared of because Carl and Russell went all tha way to South America and we're just gonna go out ova the ocean for a little bit, okay?"

And our little girl stares up so trustingly at her big brother as she nods her head, her brown curls bouncing as she leans against him and clutches his hand more tightly.

And I glance back at my wife in time to see the hesitation melt away and pride and adoration take over.

"See, if Carl and Russell can do it, so can we," I wink as I grab HER hand and squeeze tightly.

"And who are Bo and Lyla?" a loud voice booms and we turns to see a giant of a man, with a bald head and a black handlebar moustache walking towards our children, making them appear a fraction of their actual size as he closes in on them.

"Um, that's us mister," Bo states with a slight bit of shyness as Lyla leans even closer into her brother, searching for protection from this stranger who is now on one knee, kneeling in front of them with huge, twinkling brown eyes.

"Well, my young lad and lassie, are ya ready for the adventure of a lifetime?!" He sweeps one bulging arm behind him and points towards the hot air balloon, which is sitting near the edge of the ocean, anchored to the sand with huge bags attached to long ropes.

And we watch as the small trace of fear melts away and the excitement re-take both of their little faces.

"YAY!" The both exclaim as the begin jumping up and down again, before turning eager eyes to us.

"Mama, Mommy, come on!" Bo cries as the giant takes their tiny hands into his enormous ones and begins to lead them towards the huge flying machine.

Turning over one shoulder, he calls back at us. "Well, you heard them Mommy and Mama! Follow us!"

And I give her another squeeze and her cheek a quick kiss before pulling her to fall in line behind them.

"Alright, young ones. My name is Gus, and I will be the captain of this here balloon. And you, young lad and lassie, will be my first mates," he informs them as he lifts them each over the side of the whicker basket meant to carry the passengers.

And Ashley brushes past me and the gentle giant and does a Duke's of Hazard move….

And she is in the balloon before he can let go of Lyla's arms.

And I imagine it was to make sure the thing did not take off prematurely with our young children trapped inside. She had been glued to the television set during the whole "Balloon Boy" fiasco with that crazy family from Colorado, and I can almost see her wheels turning as she clutches our children to her as she waits for me to much more calmly climb aboard.

"Gus, is this basket thing sturdy enough to hold us?" Ashley asks, the intimidation still present as I watch Bo attempt to wriggle his hand from her tight grip.

"Ah, young woman. Nothin' to fear. Wicker is the best material for us, now. It's sturdy, flexible and lightweight. And pretty lady, the flexibility helps with balloon landings. A basket made of more rigid material would not handle the brunt of the impact force. Wicker material flexes a little, absorbing some of the energy for a smoother ride." He nods his head at us both as he turns his attention to the children, and begins pointing out some of the control gadgets, explaining to them how they work.

And I turn to my wife to see her attempt to process whatever the hell he just said to us.

"The impact force?!" she whispers harshly and I just chuckle and shake my head as I pull her to my side.

"Baby, we probably have a greater chance of dying in a fiery car crash on the way home than in a hot air balloon crash," I chide gently.

"NOT helping, Spence," she groans, jumping a bit as the roar of the propane tank fills the air.

Lyla has finally successfully wriggled from her grasp and has joined Gus and Bo at the control panel, and he lifts her into her bulging arms so that she can better see the command station.

"And now, my little lad and lassie, it's time to go UP!" he exclaims as he uses his free hands to untie the ropes from the anchors.

And I now know what I must have done to my wife's hand driving to the hospital when I was in labor with Lyla, because I think I just heard a bone snap as the basket begins to drag slowly across the sand before lifting ever so slowly into the air.

And the squeals of delight are the only thing to be heard over the thunderous roar of the propane as the balloon begins to ascend higher and higher in the air.

"AND UP WE SHALL GO!" Gus booms over the gas and the squeals.

And as we float higher and begin to smoothly glide out over the bright blue ocean below, I finally feel some relief to my throbbing hand as our children whip around to reveal the absolute elation they both are feeling at this glorious moment.

I beckon them to come to us, and they are both latched to our legs in seconds. I scoop Lyla up into my arms so she can get a better view of the water and the beach below us, and Ashley lets completely go of my hand so she can stand protectively behind Bo as he leans over the edge of the basket to take a look for himself.

I scoot in next to Ashley and put one arm around her, and the four of us huddle closely together as Gus makes a few adjustments to the gadgets in his hands, sending us even higher into the air.

"Mama, we're flying!" Bo exclaims and I glance to the side to see my wife smiling lovingly at him before turning her gaze to meet mine. And I lean in and give her a soft kiss to the lips before pulling back and adjusting Lyla so that she is hanging in front of my body, my grip soft but firm on her little tummy.

"Yes, son, we certainly are," she agrees as she tightens her grips on his shoulders. "I don't think I've ever been higher," she concludes as she crinkles her nose at me.

And Gus makes another adjustment just in time to prove her statement wrong.

…

"Mama, Mommy, thanks so much for taking us on the balloon today," Bo says sweetly as I tuck his covers up under his little chin and brush his long blond locks from his tired eyes.

"Did you love it or what?" She asks him for the umpteenth time from over my shoulder.

"It was GREAT!" he exclaims and we both chuckle softly.

"Yep, it sure was," I agree as I lean in to kiss his forehead. "Now you got to sleep, and I hope you have sweet dreams, son," I whisper as I stand up and allow room for Ashley to lean down and kiss him goodnight as well.

"I am sure glad you were such a brave young man, Mister. Your sissy was safe cause her big brother was there to hold her hand," she commends him gently. "Goodnight, buddy boy."

"Night Mama, night Mommy. I love you."

"I love you too," we reply in unison before I flip off his light and she closes the door softly.

And as we make our way down the hallway, she begins to turn towards the stairs before she is gently pulled in the opposite direction by her arm.

And she makes no protest as I pull her into our bedroom and close the door behind us.

Turning to face me, she smiles and I tilt my head to one side, neither of us saying anything for a few moments as we try to express the love we have for one another with our eyes only.

"Hey," she says softly, finally breaking the silence. "Will you dance with me?"

And she holds one hand out to me as the grin on my face grows exponentially.

"But there's no music," I remind her, causing her to shake her head and give me a look that signals that I really should know better by now.

Realizing my silly mistake, I take her offered hand and let her pull me into her arms. She curls one arm around the small of my back, keeping her other hand clasped tightly around my own as she brings them both up next to her cheek and rubs the back of my hand against it softly. I bring my free arm to cup the back of her neck and our bodies meld together.

Not breaking our stare, she smiles before opening her mouth, and the voice that makes me melt, weakens my knees, and fills up every inch of my soul, gently breaks the silence of the room as we begin to sway.

_If we walk away now,  
There's no turning around…  
Gotta say what I mean,  
While you're here with me…  
I'm not sure I'll find words.  
To cover the hurt,  
That I see in your eyes,  
But I gotta try… _

And she pulls my body even closer to hers as I close my eyes and rest my forehead on her shoulder.

_I know rocks turn to sand,  
And hearts can change hands,  
And you're not to blame,  
When the sky fills with rain…  
But if we stay or walk away,  
There's one thing that's true,  
I still love you…  
I still love you…_

She pulls our grasped hands into her chest and kisses me slowly on my forehead.

_Can you search down inside,  
Let go of your pride?  
If I forget trying to win,  
And just let you in…  
I didn't travel this far,  
To watch it all fall apart…  
So give me your hand,  
And take a chance…_

And I bury my face in her neck and press my lips lightly against her as we continue to sway.

_I know rocks turn to sand,  
And hearts can change hands,  
And you're not to blame,  
When the sky fills with rain…  
But if we stay or walk away ,  
There's one thing that's true,  
I still love you…_

_I STILL love you…_

"I love you too," I whisper.  
_  
Riding with me as close as before,  
Whatever happens, I won't ask for more…  
Here in my heart from now 'til the end,  
Flame out or fly, we HAVE to try again…  
_

_Ohhhhhhh…_

And I pull from the crook of her neck to stare deeply in her eyes, which are filled with tears, and I realize mine are as well.

_I know rocks turn to sand,  
And hearts can change hands,  
And you're not to blame,  
When the sky fills with rain…  
But if we stay or walk away,  
There's one thing that's true,  
I still love you…_

_I STILL LOVE you…_

_If we stay or walk away,  
There's one thing that's true,  
I still love you…  
Oh…I STILL LOVE YOU…_

And she nods slowly, showing me the honesty behind every word she just sang to me and I nod back, signaling to her that I know.

And she brings both hands to my face, cupping it gently as she caresses both cheeks with her thumbs, my eyes closing again under her touch. I feel her lips brush mine just as gently, forcing my eyes open to lock on hers again as I deepen the kiss.

Pulling back momentarily, I bring my arms up to grab her face, less gently than the grip she has on mine. "I love you so much, Ashley," I tell her loudly before crashing my lips back into hers as I push her backwards towards the bed.

…

And hours and hours later, we are wrapped up in one another's embrace, our bodies naked and sweaty and trembling at each caress we are making against each other's bodies. She rolls over so that she is lying on top of me and pushes her hands through my hair as she places kisses over every square inch of my face, whispering more loving words and I cannot pull her close enough to me.

I shift her body off of me slightly and roll over onto my side, gently pushing her shoulders back so that she is lying on her back and I am pressed against her side as I smooth my hands across her trembling stomach.

I smile down at her and she smiles back up at me in acknowledgement of what I am about to do.

_I need you with me._

She closes her eyes tightly and I see a few tears squeeze out of the corners.

Opening them, she turns on her side and allows enough space between us to rub her hand slowly across my stomach before following with soft fingers tips.

_I want to come home. _

And as the tears spill from my own eyes, I nod slowly as I capture her soft lips in mine again.

"Baby, you were never really gone," I assure her as I sink back down onto her and welcome her back officially to our home, and our bed, again and again.

**A/N: The song featured in this chapter is "I Still Love You" by Alexz Johnson. Check it out. It's beautiful. Oh, and I forgot to give a shout out to the Dixie Chicks in Chapter 23. The Song was "Godspeed (Sweet Dreams).**


	27. Wild Horses

Chapter 27: Wild Horses

Ashley's POV

"There's nothing really to move, is there?" Kyla grins as she sits dejectedly at the foot of my bed, throwing her arms up in defeat as I zip my suitcase and laugh loudly in acknowledgement of the realization.

"Yeah, I guess I sort of knew all along that this separation would bring a whole new meaning to the word 'temporary'," I admit with a quick wink as I take her by the hand and pull her until she is standing in front of me.

"Well…I've never been so happy to re-learn the meaning of a very old word," she tells me warmly before pulling me into a warm hug. "I'm so relieved you are going home, Ashley," she continues as I pull back and nod in agreement.

"You have no idea, little sister," I breathe as she takes my hand in one of her own.

Her LEFT hand, to be exact, and I unexpectedly feel a metallic-like object brush against the palm of my hand.

"What tha…" I pull her hand up to my face and am nearly blinded by what I see next. "KYLA?!"

And she stares proudly back as she holds her hand up next to her face, revealing a huge round solitaire diamond on a thin white gold band.

Chuckling softly, she nods her head and I see tears form slowly as I shake my head and try to process what is happening.

"He finally asked…" she whispers as I feel hot tears pour down my cheeks.

"OH MY GOD!" I exclaim as I pull her back to me and we hug and laugh out loud for minutes upon minutes.

"I'm such an asshole," I confess sheepishly as I pull her hand into my own again to get a better look at her engagement ring. "How am I just now noticing this?"

"Ashley, you're not an asshole…well at least not about this," she teases me as we both admire the rock on her finger. "I just didn't want to distract from what we need to accomplish today," she assures me. "We need to get you home and then we can really celebrate!"

"Kyla, my GOD, this is not a distraction! Tell me EVERYTHING!" I beg as she laughs again and shakes her head.

"I will, I will… But FIRST, let's get you home. Aid and I want to make the announcement when everyone is there."

"Well, fine, but I AM your sister, for God's sake! I deserve a little preview," I insist as she grabs my duffel and throws it over her shoulder.

"Ash, I will tell you all about it in the car," she promises as I grab the handle of my suitcase and we exit this rental house and drive the 7.34 miles home.

…

As we pull into my driveway, Kyla has barely had time to tell me that Aiden proposed to her at the top of a mountain in Aspen, Colorado, during the 'business trip' he brought her along to last weekend.

They took the gondola to the top of a mountain peak and as she stepped out of the cab of the ride, she was greeted with a young man playing 'Better Together' by Jack Johnson, and a few employees of the resort standing in a circle holding candles to light the dark, snowy night.

And when she turned her shocked eyes towards Aiden, he was kneeling in front of her in the snow, holding a dozen red roses in one hand and an open ring box in the other.

And apparently he told her the following:

_Kyla, over the past few months I have realized that life is short, and a great love only comes along once in a lifetime. And I am no longer afraid to grab hold of the one true love I have ever had, and never let go. So baby, please marry me._

…

And as I open the door to our home, and catch her eyes from across the entryway, which feels like it's a mile long, I lock my own eyes on the greatest love to ever come along in MY lifetime, and the afterlife that I am rushing towards too quickly, and I inwardly curse the seconds I have spent of this life away from her.

And I bridge the mile-long distance, dropping bags and letting go of suitcase handles as she rushes towards me before we crash into one another, our lips meeting milliseconds before the rest of our bodies.

And a mile and a lifetime later…

I am home…

…

"Baby, can you get that?" she calls from the top of the stairs, her hair still slightly damp from her shower.

I just smile and nod my head, signaling her to finish getting ready as I turn towards the front door and take a deep breath before pulling it open.

And my mother comes rushing in, practically strangling me as he pulls me into her arms, not even attempting to control the sobs racking her body.

"Darling, you're home!" she cries as she…well…cries.

"Mom…" I whisper as I clutch her to me. "It's okay, Mom."

I am struggling for words as her grip on me tightens.

And I am still so overcome at my mother's support for me after all these years…

I pull back and grasp her face, lightly brushing her tears away as I try to comfort her with a smile.

"I'm home, Mom. It's okay…everything is going to be okay," I assure her as she nods and wipes the rest of her tears away.

"Darling, I just could not take another day of this nonsense," she chokes out as I take both of her hands in my own.

"Mom, the nonsense is over. And you have two little ones who are waiting impatiently to see their Grandma," I remind her as her sadness melts away and a beaming smile overtakes her face. "They are upstairs getting dressed," I inform her and she hugs me again tightly before sprinting up the stairs.

And I turn to see Paula and Arthur standing patiently in the doorway, clearly arriving in time to witness the scene, and not wanting to interrupt.

I smile inwardly at the hesitation on their faces before signaling for them to come in.

"Hey Paula and Arthur," I begin unsteadily, still not sure how they currently feel about their daughter-in-law.

"Oh, Ashley…" Paula begins, and I am in her arms in no time at all.

And Arthur is shortly thereafter wrapping us both up in his strong arms, kissing my head as we all cry softly together.

And our little scene is soon interrupted by the sounds of small feet on the stairway.

I pull back in time to see Bo and Lyla paused mid-descent with Grandma right behind.

"Christine! Grandbabies!" Paula squeals as the three just named land at the bottom of the stairs and grandparents and grandbabies greet one another enthusiastically.

And I simply stare in amazement, reminding myself how lucky I am to be a part of all of this.

And as I am shaking myself from these thoughts, I am grabbed behind by a male who turns out to be Glen, followed closely behind by a baby-bumped Chelsey, and my two other favorite little ones.

I turn fully to embrace a crying Glen…I kid you not…and kiss him lightly on the cheek before pulling the baby-bump to me, and let go to bend down and clutch Rocco and Regan to me, fighting back my own tears.

I glance back at the stairs, wondering what is taking my wife so long, knowing she would not want to miss another second of this time with our family and friends.

Rocco and Regan pull back from my hugs and hair tousling to rush to their excited cousins, and I smile after them.

"Where are Aiden and Kyla?" Chelsey inquires excitedly as I lightly rub her belly and smile my congratulations, not for the first time since I found out, but for the first time since feeling normal again.

"On their way, far as I know," I inform her with a smile of which the origin only I can truly understand.

And then I see her begin to descend the staircase, and it's almost a slow motion entrance as everyone in the room stills their activity to watch her make her way down to us all.

And she looks stunning in the white sundress she wore the day I proposed to her all those years ago. Her hair is in loose blonde curls, and the sparkle of diamond and sapphires caressing her lightly tanned skin only accentuates the beauty that she possess in this moment. And I smile at her, acknowledging inwardly that she has no clue what meaning I am finding in her choice of our engagement dress.

She smiles, almost embarrassedly at the attention she is receiving as she lands at the bottom of the stairs and is greeted with the same level of emotion…and hugs and kisses…I was met with as each guest arrived earlier before.

And once the fussing dies down, she is in front of me, holding my face in her hands and kissing me, not the least bit shy about the crowd in our living room.

And I am kissing her back as if we are the only two people in the room. And I have to stop, only because the guests of honor have arrived, and its now their turn to steal the spotlight.

…

"Aiden, you sure you are ready to put on the shackles," Glen jokes as Spencer and I rise to clear the last of the dinner dishes from the table.

"Listen, Buddy, if you can do it, I am pretty sure I can," Aiden chides back, and laughter fills the night air.

"Oh really, Champ?" Glen continues, and I feel a pissing match in the works. "Is that what you thought senior year when I stole your starting position on the team?" he boasts and I see Aiden's jaw clench tightly, before it relaxes enough for him to respond.

"And who had to step in and play hero when Mr. Studly tore his ACL?" Aiden reminds him proudly as he lifts a beer bottle to toast his victory.

Glen chuckles at this, before waving the white flag. "Bud, seriously, congratulations man. It's about time you reached down your pants and located your ba…"

"Glen, the children!" Paula interrupts just in time to spare all parents involved a bed-time explanation about what 'balls' are.

"Alright, MOM," Glen moans in a surrender as he and Aiden exchange amused looks. "Hey, I'd like to say a few words," he announces, more seriously as Spencer and I take our seats after passing out beers and bottles of wine.

"A few?" I tease him with a wink, and he shakes his head at me before continuing. "Yes, a few…hundred," he smirks as he sticks his tongue out at me, to be met with the shocked gasps of four impressionable young children.

"Mommy, Uncle Glen stuck his tongue out at you!" Bo exclaims in disapproval, and I break into uncontrollable laughter as I wink at Spencer, who is clearly remembering the last time this scene played out.

_And I hope she remembers what my tongue did to her later that night. _

"Kids, you guys want to go play Wii?" I ask with excited eyes and they all nod and hop from their chairs. "Bo, Rocco, you boys are in charge," I inform them as they accept the grown-up responsibilities and take their respective little sisters by the hands before leading them into the house.

"Ahem…folks…listen up here," Glen commands and everyone turns a serious face to him, giving him our undivided attention finally. "Okay, so I have a lot to say here, and Ashley, don't hold me to my few words, alright?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I purse my lips together to hide my amusement as I nod at him, and convey to him that I will shut up long enough to let him get this out.

"So, I first want to congratulate my best friend, Aiden, for finally doing what I am still not sure why it took so long to do." He smiles warmly at Kyla before continuing. "Aiden, brother, I usually think you are a total knuckle-head…"

And I steal a glance from Spencer, who acknowledges with her eyes that I am not the only person in this world who uses the term 'knuckle-head'…

"But the fact that you finally asked this beautiful, smart and amazing girl to marry you…well, you can't be completely dense, my man."

And a few of us mumble our agreement as Kyla blushes fiercely.

"And buddy, in all seriousness, you are about to embark on the greatest journey this life will allow you on." He winks at Aiden before placing an arm around Chelsey's shoulder and nodding one at a time to Paula and Arthur and then to Spencer and me. "So welcome to the world of domesticity. You won't regret it for one moment," he assures his friend, who has taken Kyla's left hand in his own and is kissing her ring finger gently as he smiles at all of us.

"And to my baby sister and her beee-uuutiful wife…" he winks at me before pretending to primp his blonde curls… "Ladies, everyone in this room has been through a bit of a process with you both, but on behalf of my wife and I, thank you for reminding us that true love does conquer all." I see tears glisten his blue eyes and glance around to see that same glisten universally around the table.

"And Christine, I think I speak for everyone at this table when I tell you that this family was made all the more richer when your daughter met my sister, and when you befriended us all…especially my mom," he says through a wink and I watch as our mothers clasp hands before staring proudly back at the man who continues to amaze me each and every time I am around him. "And sorry you were forced into such a crazy family, Christine, but you're stuck now." He smiles warmly at my mom who lifts her wine glass at him before relying to the sentiment.

"I could not wish for a crazier and more wonderful family to be stuck with," she assures him as she squeezes Paula's hand before shooting me the nose-crinkling grin I inherited from her.

"And Mom and Dad…wow, where do I start?" he chokes out as I observe his parents' pride growing exponentially as his speech continues. "Guys, the insanity began with you two, but you guys made Spencer and I who we are today. And I cannot help but steal a quick glance at the four kids inside before I tell you that the three of you…" and he sweeps his hand to signal he is speaking to Christine, Paula and Arthur, "have passed not only your blood, but your love and nurturing through all of us and it landed perfectly on those four, and the one in my wife's stomach." He rubs her belly softly and stares intently at her. "Baby, I don't know why you agreed to give me a chance all those years ago, but I can tell you that Bill Gates is a pauper compared to the riches you have bestowed upon me since you made that foolish decision."

And there is only sniffles over the silence as Glen raises his beer, signaling us all to join him as he concludes what might be the bar that has been set to all toasts to come with this family.

"So my friends and family, thank you all for being here, for being here for one another, for being an important part in the education we are all continuing to receive about love, friendship, happiness, and what family is all about. So clink you glasses and join me in a toast to honor the greatest family to grace not only Los Angeles, but this entire crazy world."

And as we all clink our glasses, he interjects one last time.

"I love you all."

And Paula kisses Arthur, who hugs Glen with one arm, who high gives Aiden a high-five, who kisses Kyla tenderly, who embraces Chelsey, who kisses Spencer on the cheek, who kisses me roughly on the lips, who hugs my mom warmly, who turns to squeeze Paula's hand again with a smile.

And we all take a sip and nod at the wise Buddha who is sitting back and reeling in the joy and contentment he apparently feels as he glances at all our faces with a pride that shows not a trace of boastfulness, and only contentment.

…

"Your brother…" I whisper as we are standing in our bathroom, Spencer brushing her teeth and I washing my face.

"I know. Who would have ever thought…" she agrees after spitting foam from her mouth and rinsing with cold water a few times.

We both stand up straight and smile at one another through the mirror before turning towards our bed.

She climbs in and starts to settle under the covers before turning to me, confusion setting in as I stand in front of her, not yet ready to sink in.

"Baby, you gonna join me?" she flirts as she pats the bed next to her and gives me a seductive look.

"There's nothing in the world I would rather do…" I nod my head reassuringly at her before bending down to fish into my duffel bag, which has not been completely emptied yet. "But first, I have something for you," I inform her as I shoot her a sideways glance before standing and moving so that I am sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Ashley…" she whispers as her eyes predictably grow wide.

"Spencer, listen…" I command gently as I take one hand into my own. "Baby, I have no idea what philosophy I was trying to follow, or what voice I was listening to when I surrendered and left our home…but what I can tell you now is, it doesn't work. You without me, me without you. It simply does NOT work," I announce through a shaky voice as she sits up a bit and turns to face me. "I am a fool…WE are fools, to have thought for one movement that distance would solve our problems, cause the truth is baby, in my eyes, you and me, being apart, is the only problem that ever existed with us."

She smiles and nods her head through tear-filled eyes as I take one hand in my own.

And Spencer is not the silent type, but when she is this quiet, I know, after being married to her for almost ten years, that she is only hanging on to every word I am saying, cause they are partially on the tip of her own tongue.

"Baby, you are the love of my life, and there has been no doubt in my mind of that for twenty years. And as I kneel before you…"

Did I mention I am kneeling in front of her at this point?

"With your hands in mine, and my heart in your hands, I pledge myself to you all over again. I commit myself to our love, and our children and the plans we made before we even knew who they were." I take a long slow breath and pull one hand from her tight grasp to wipe the tears from my face. "Baby, it will take wild horses to drag me from you ever again."

And I grab the small black velvet box I have been holding onto for months from behind me on the ground and present it to her.

And inside sits a ring, much different than the one I presented to her in Malibu nearly ten years ago.

This one is a white gold band holding two stones.

The first is an Aquamarine, March, for Bo's March birth month, and the blue sparkles like my wife's eyes.

The second is a sapphire, September, for Lyla's birth month, and the blue sparkles even more closely to the color of her brimming eyes.

And there is a third prong, empty and waiting...

And if I have done my math correctly, and we move quickly, seeing how it is early May, we can complete this ring with three blue stones, and add a blue topaz for December.


	28. FINALLY

Chapter 28: FINALLY

Ashley's POV

"Hey, slow down little man," I urge him softly as he wobbles towards me, his chubby legs moving one in front of the other as Lyla moves around to catch him.

She giggles as her little brother lands perfectly into her arms, glancing at me before lifting him into her arms.

And I smile, my heart fluttering a bit, before sinking as the realization comes over me.

_My baby girl is big enough to pick Benjamin up. _

_She is old enough to be actively involved in his care-taking._

_Where are the years going?_

And as I listen to her talking softly to him, his eyes growing wider and wider with each word she tenderly whispers into his tiny little ears, I note that each 'w' and 'r' are stated with perfection.

SO…Benjamin Clay was born last December…a goal I nailed when I gave my wife that ring the first night I spent back in our house.

And I completed her mother's ring proudly with a blue topaz the day he was born. And spent many months thereafter assuring her that it was truly okay that she could not return the gift with a ring of brown stones, both of us knowing full well the gemologists of the world had better taste than that.

Spencer gave birth to our third child last December, and after much angst over what to name him, we landed on Benjamin Clay.

And here is the reason for the name…

Bo was named after my father, who passed away when I was in high school. Robert RAIFE. Raife, of course, being my father's name.

And then came Lyla. Lyla ROSE…and her middle name was in honor of Ben's departed wife. And since Ben passed when Spenser was pregnant with Lyla, and because Spencer loved Ben so very much, and Ben and Emily Rose had become Spencer and my goal for what our marriage would be, that was a given.

And I don't suppose I have ever revealed where Lyla's first name came from.

Well, seeing how I am currently describing the origins of my children's' names, now is as good a time as any.

Lyla was named one night when Spencer was still carrying her. And I was singing lullabies to her stomach, as I had done most nights for those nine months.

And as is the part of most songs, 'la la la's' were a part of my singing.

And Spencer had commented on this…how 'la' was present in most songs.

We both had laughed throughout the night, and I started singing our favorite songs using only 'la' as the words.

Example number one: Spencer's favorite song of all time is 'Halleluiah' by Jeff Buckley.

And that night, I sang the whole song using only 'la's'.

It's too hard to show it in writing, so I will spare myself the pointless exercise….

And then a few months later, Spencer and I watched _Beaches_.

That damn movie makes me cry every fucking time I watch it. I shit you not. Sorry for the curse words, but what woman who has ever felt even a trace of love and adoration for another woman, can watch that movie without experiencing a breaking heart…???

And I swear to this day, Bette and Barbara…aka CC and Hillary…were actually in love. They just didn't know it. Or rather just didn't realize what was really going on…

I could re-write that movie with a whole different ending, but instead of attempting another pointless exercise, I suppose I will continue with the real great love story playing out in my own life.

So anyway, Spencer fell in love with the song 'Baby Mine'…the song Bette…aka…CC…sang when Barbara…aka Hillary…was pregnant with Victoria...aka 'Puss'.

_Tee Hee. _

And I hummed the song to her nightly, replacing the words with 'la, la, la's'.

_Baby mine…la la la…_

_You get the idea…_

And so Ly'la' was named fully.

And then, when Spencer got pregnant with Benji (of course he has a nickname…Ben Ben, Benny-Boy, Benjanator, and Benster round out a list of a million others), we talked about the names we had settled on with our first two, and in sad realization, concluded that our kids were named after our dearly departed.

So Ben was ALMOST Benjamin Arthur.

We had at first decided our second son would be named partially after Spencer's father, as Bo had been named after mine.

Ben was non-negotiable. And we both knew that much. Plus, how cute is Bo and Ben together?

The middle name, however, was up for great debate.

And though Arthur would have been honored, we agreed that Author was blessed to not only know Bo and Lyla, but would soon be blessed enough to know baby number three.

And that Raife, Emily Rose, Ben, and most tragically Clay, would never actually know any of them in quite the same way.

So Benjamin Clay was named, after two great men who had gone before him, and who would never be in his presence, at least not in the flesh.

And I am positive, every time I see Pop interact with his grandchildren, including Chelsey and Glen's three, of which the third was in fact named after him…their son Richard Arthur…that he is content with being in Ben's life more so than being his namesake.

Such a conservative choice for Glen and Chelsey's third, by the way, but we of course call him only Richie.

Well, Richie-Rich, Richster, Richest-Boy-In-All-The-World…"

You get the point.

And as Bo sets his camera down, after snapping a few pictures of Lyla and Ben, I cannot help but swallow the huge lump in my throat as I capture two huge blue eyes in my own, and as I watch our oldest take our youngest child gently from his sissy's arms before sinking down onto the ground and placing Benny in between his legs.

"Hey, Mr. Ben," Bo begins sweetly as he smiles adoringly at his baby brother, who sports his huge blue eyes and his sisters brown curls.

FINALLY.

A brown-haired, blue-eyed child.

The absolute perfect mix of my wife and me.

Well, physically, as Bo and Lyla are Spencer and I, through and through, but Bo really only looks like her, and Lyla really only looks like me.

But Ben, with his brown hair and nose-crinkling grin, at only nine months old, I shit you not, and her deep blue eyes and signature pout, I promise, is the perfect specimen of what it would look like had I been able to actually plant my seed into her the way I only hope one day women such as us can accomplish.

Science, catch up with love…

I will be so happy when that finally happens…FINALLY.


	29. At The Tips

Chapter 29: At The Tips…

Spencer's POV

"Bo, can you grab a few diapers and put them in the diaper bag, please?" I request as I finish feeding Ben some applesauce and mashed peas.

And most of the mushy mess has ended up on his face and not in his mouth.

His blue eyes twinkle and he giggles as I wipe a wet cloth across his face.

"What's so funny Mister?" I coo as I remove his bib from his neck and give him a few kisses to a chubby cheek. This causes him to giggle more loudly and I laugh back as I lift him out of his high chair.

Just then, Bo enters the kitchen with three diapers in his hand. He places them in the diaper bag and zips it closed.

"Thank you, son," I smile at him as he smiles proudly back before tickling his baby brothers foot.

"Hi Benji," he says sweetly as the little blue-eyed boy in my arms giggles adoringly at his big brother. "Did you eat all your lunch like a good boy?" he asks, and I place him on the floor so that Bo can kneel and front of him.

"Bo, where's your sister?" I ask as I glance into the living room to see she's not in there.

"MAMA!" I hear her little voice call from up the stairs. "MAMA, CAN YOU COME UP HERE?"

"OKAY, LYLA, HANG ON A SECOND!" I call back. "Bo, watch your brother for me, okay?"

"Sure, Mama. Benji, let's go get your shoes on, okay?" And Ben just continues to gawk at his brother as Bo scoops him up and carries him to the living room.

I walk upstairs and enter Lyla's room to find her standing in front of her closet wearing nothing but a little pair of Disney princess undies.

"Mama, should I wear a dress or my new Capri pants?" She turns her brown eyes to me.

Our daughter is not the best decision-maker and for some reason she always stresses about what to wear.

"Sweetie, you can wear whatever you want," I inform her as she pulls her little jean Capri pants, embroidered with brightly colored hearts and flowers and peace signs, from a hanger.

She's really not much of a dress wearer at six years-old, and I don't blame her. Her Mama was a bit of a tomboy when she was her age, and I HATED when my mom made me wear dresses.

She turns unsteady eyes to me, and I smile in approval of her choice. "How about a pink t-shirt?" I suggest.

"Can I wear my blue one, Mama?" She pulls a shirt off another hanger and I nod my head again.

"Sure you can," I assure her with a warm smile. "You want to wear Mama's heart earrings?" I suggest as I pull them from her jewelry box.

"Kay…" she agrees as I bend down and help her clamp them into her little ears. "Beautiful," I announce as I give my Mini-Ashley I warm hug and a kiss to her long brown hair. "Now get some shoes on. We're going to be late," I urge her with another kiss to her little cheek.

She slips blue flip-flops onto her feet and I take her hand and lead her downstairs, where I find Bo and Ben sitting on the floor. Bo has Ben's little Velcro tennis shoes securely in place and is helping him build a structure with a set of blocks.

"Alright my little men, you guys all ready to go?" And Bo nods as he starts putting Ben's blocks back in the plastic tub where they belong.

I walk over and pull him into the side of my legs and bend over to kiss his long blonde mop. "Thank you for helping me with your little brother."

"No problem, Mama," he smiles up at me.

_So very grow-up. _

And I beam down at him, hoping he sees the pride that I am feeling for him.

"Ok, monsters, everyone march!" I tease as I scoop Ben up into my arms and follow our other two children out the door.

…

"Lyla, don't let go of Bo's hand, okay?" I remind her as we walk through lush green grass. I strain my eyes to locate her in the crowd that has formed on the lawn of City Park. I re-adjust Ben onto my other hip and boost him up higher.

He's really getting heavy, and I wish I would have remembered the stroller.

I glance back to see Bo has his sister by the hand, and I wink at them, watching their faces grow more excited as we near the end of the park and the music coming from the stage becomes louder.

And as I turn around, I meet her eyes as a few people move to the left, revealing her fully to me.

She waves one hand in the air and crinkles her nose in a huge smile as I wave back. I hear two squeals from behind me and in seconds they are running, still hand-in-hand towards their Mommy before crashing into her awaiting arms.

I watch as she hugs and kisses them several times, kneeling down in front of them both, as I close in on the three of them.

"Mommy, is that the stage you are gonna sing on?" Bo asks excitedly and she smiles and nods her head, matching his excitement.

"It sure is Buddy, and guess what?" She raises her eyebrows as she glances up at me and the little boy wriggling in my arms.

"What?" he exclaims as Lyla leans against her Mommy and puts an arm around her neck.

"You guys get to sit in the front row!" She gives Bo a high-five and he pumps his fist up and down.

"YES!"

And I giggle as she stands up and pulls Ben from my arms, giving him a big kiss to his brown curls

"Hi baby boy," she whispers sweetly as he beams back at his Mommy.

"Hi baby girl," she whispers just as sweetly before leaning in to place a soft, loving kiss on my lips.

"Hi yourself," I whisper back before kissing her again.

"Okay, follow me," she commands gently as she gives Ben back to me and takes Bo and Lyla by the hands, leading us through the crowd to a blanket set up in the center of the grass in front of the stage.

"See, I told you," she winks at Bo and Lyla as they sink down onto the blanket. I place Ben on the blanket in between them before dropping the diaper bag onto the ground next to them. Lyla fishes into the bag and pulls out a few toys for Ben to play with and she and her brother help our smallest get settled in as they whisper excitedly to one another.

"This is so amazing," I gush as she pulls me to her by my waist.

"I know. I am so happy you guys are here. This is going to be incredible, playing a live show for our children for the first time." Her brown eyes grow wide with anticipation and I nod in agreement before bringing my hands up to caress her cheeks.

"Well the fam should be here any minute," I inform her, and she nods and points at two more blankets set up on either side of the one reserved for her family.

"Yep, got it all covered," she winks, and I start to lean in to kiss her again as the band currently stage finishes a song and the crowd cheers loudly.

I pull my hands from her cheek and begin to applaud as well, before looking back to her, laughing softly at the pout on her perfect lips.

"Aw…what's that for?" I tease as she sticks her lower lip out even further.

And she need not say another word as I crash my lips against hers, feeling her pout disappear as she smiles into the kiss.

I hear the band thank the crowd before exiting the stage, and she pulls back to signal to me that its time for her to get ready to go on stage.

"Ok, here goes…" she draws out, and I think I actually see nervousness over-take her.

"You're going to be amazing. I can't wait, baby," I assure her and she smiles gratefully before bending down in front of our children.

"Okay, kiddos, Mommy's going to go get ready. I will see you real soon, okay?" And she places three kisses on three little heads before winking at me one more time, and disappearing behind the stage.

I sink down onto the blanket and pull out some cheerios and a sippy of milk for Ben, and some candy and juice boxes for Bo and Lyla.

"Yo, SIS!" I hear my brother's voice boom over the loud and eager crowd, and turn to see he and Chelsey walking hand in hand towards us, Rocco and Regan sprinting in fronts of them towards their cousins, Richie on Glen's hip, and all five smiling, apparently feeling the same excitement as my own little family is feeling.

My parents and Christine are a few yards behind them, Chelsey's diaper bag on Arthur's shoulder and our mom's holding hands.

_Geez…you'd think they were gay or something. _

And I mentally curse myself for such a ridiculous thought as they arrive and attack the six children now sitting playing together on the center blanket.

"Hey everyone!" I greet them warmly one at a time as everyone begins spreading out over the remaining blankets.

"Hey, we heard there was some kind of famous rocker playing here today." 

I smile and turn to see Kyla beaming down at us all as Aiden drops a cooler on the ground behind the third blanket, protectively helping lower Kyla down next to Christine.

And in case you could not figure it out, Kyla's sporting a bit of a bump under her white tank top.

"Yay, everyone made it!" I exclaim, lovingly glancing from face to face as everyone settles in and waits for my wife to take the stage.

Aiden passes out beers and sodas after taking our orders, before handing Kyla a bottle of water and sliding in behind her to prop her against him.

Christine ogles over her step-daughters expanding belly and she and Paula chat excitedly about the joys of grandparenthood.

Arthur and Glen argue about the shape of their NCAA basketball brackets, Aiden assuring them both he's going to take the pot this year.

Chelsey helps Richie and Ben with the cheerios and the two youngest cousins watch one another shyly as they engage in a contest to see who can shove the most cereal in their little mouths.

Rocco and Regan huddle in closely and join in the excited chatter our two eldest had started before their cousins arrived.

And as the sun dips out of sight for the day, she walks out onto the stage with nothing but her acoustic guitar in her hands.

The crowd goes absolutely nuts, though I am sure the claps and screams and yells from our three blankets would have been enough to fill the night air alone.

We are all on our feet, Ben in my arms and Richie in Chelsey's, and the kids are about to come out of their skin, they are clapping and jumping so hard.

Stopping in front of the microphone, she steps back and bows slowly before waving to the crowd.

"Thank you, everyone," she begins and the sound of her voice alone causes another eruption.

She grins widely and waits for the noisy crowd to calm enough to hear her.

Wow, I am overcome," she chokes out and I feel my heart tug softly as her face is overtaken with emotion. "Thank you all for coming out tonight. There is nothing better than being home with all of you." She smiles and sweeps her hand across the crowd before resting her eyes on the three blankets center-stage. "And I am very excited to introduce you to my family, who are all here tonight!" She hops off the stage and the crowd goes absolutely insane as she hugs our parents, sister and brother-in-law, her other brother-in-law and sister-in law, and her niece and nephews. Pulling Ben into her arms, she urges Bo and Lyla to follow her, before tossing a look back at me. "You comin'?"

_I did not expect this._

And I am shaking a little as I follow my wife onto the stage, our children absolutely beaming at their Mommy before shyly hiding behind her legs as she turns us all to face crowd, and I am sure they roar coursing through the night air has just reached its maximum.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to my family," she begins as she urges Bo and Lyla to come out from hiding behind her legs. "This is my son Bo and my daughter Lyla," she announces as she pushes them gently in front of her. "And this is Ben," she boasts as she holds him out in front of her for the crowd to see. I hear a few "oh's and ah's" over the applause and cheers and whistles, and I smile down proudly at my children, who have never looked quite so happy.

"And this…" she continues as she places Ben in his big brother's arms before pulling into her own arms…and before bending me backwards and kissing me dramatically… "Is my wife, Spencer," she finishes as she pulls me back up before turning to flash the crowd the same nose-crinkling grin she gave me after pulling her lips from mine.

And I was wrong before, cause the roar just multiplied in sound by about a hundred, and I even think I can feel the earth vibrating beneath my feet.

"This is who I am…this is my world!" she cries as she pulls us all to her before kissing each child…and me…again.

And we exit the stage to deafening screams and applause before re-joining the rest of the family.

Ashley picks her guitar back up and begins strumming a few chords of her first song, and I lose myself in her for a few moments, completely dumbstruck…and love struck…over the scene that just played out.

And I am jolted back to reality as her raspy voice fills the night air.

_These are the days__…  
These are days you'll remember…  
Never before and never since, I promise…  
Will the whole world be warm as this…  
And as you feel it,  
You'll know it's true,  
That you are blessed and lucky…  
It's true that you,  
Are touched by something…  
That will grow and bloom in you…_

And I laugh as I watch Rocco and Bo and Regan and Lyla dance around the grass, the rest of the crowd following suit as I clutch Ben to my chest and dance in circles, clutching one little hand in mine.

_These are days that you'll remember__…  
When May is rushing over you…  
With desire to be part of the miracles  
You see in every hour…  
You'll know it's true,  
That you are blessed and lucky…  
It's true that you are touched by something,_

_T__hat will grow and bloom in you…_

Arthur takes Christine in his arms, and she graciously accepts as he spins her around the lawn a few times before releasing her and spinning my mom before pulling her to him.

Glen is dancing goofily for his wife and youngest son, who is giggling as his mommy rocks him back and forth to the music.

And Aiden has cautiously helped Kyla up and is holding her in his strong arms from behind as they join the dancing that has taken over the entire crowd as Ashley continues to belt the words into the microphone.

She steals a glance at me and winks before breaking into a guitar solo, her steady fingers dancing across the strings as the crowd erupts again and again.

_These are days__…  
These are the days you might fill  
With laughter until you break…  
These days you might feel  
A shaft of light (LIGHT!)  
Make its way across your face…  
And when you do,  
Then you'll know how it was meant to be…  
See the signs and know their meaning…  
It's true…  
Then you'll know how it was meant to be…  
Hear the signs and know they're speaking…  
To you, to you_…

And I watch in pride as our children jump up and down and holler in approval at their Mommy as she bows lightly and thanks the crowd before pulling a stool from the back of the stage and placing it in front of the microphone. She takes a seat and brings her guitar to her chest.

"Thank you, everyone," she tells the crowd graciously as her fingers begin to pick out a few notes. "This next one is for you, baby."

And the entire world melts away momentarily, and I feel like I am the only person standing on the lawn as she stares deeply into my eyes.

_Summer's getting hotter and winter's growing colder...  
And everybody's turning another year older…_

She smiles down at our young children before continuing.

_  
I wonder when I'll be lying head to toe again,  
With you my friend…  
And time will stop and space will bend…_

Please come find me with your dirty mind…

And Paula takes Ben from my arms as I lock my eyes on hers, swaying lightly as her voice carries me away.

_Here you come just like a meteor shower…  
Call me up at the dreamiest hour…  
Sighing with your lazy voice on the phone…_

Oh please come find me with your dirty mind…  
Hold me down until I cry…  
With your wicked secret smile…

And she flashes a crinkled nose to me as I tilt my head to the side and return it with a closed mouthed grin.

_Hold me down until I cry…  
With your wicked secret smile…  
Hold me down and make me cry…_

Please come find me with your dirty mind…  
Hold me down until I cry…  
Please come find me with your dirty mind…

"I love you, baby," she announces, not caring for a moment that there are thousands of people witnessing this moment.

_I love you too_, I mouth back and she smiles again before standing and pushing the stool back a few feet.

And the next thing I know, the crowd is dancing and singing along as she tears through the rest of her set list.

And there is not a disappointed fan in the audience by the time she sets her guitar down and thanks them profusely before walking off the stage and joining her family on the grass below.

…

"Baby, you are going to wake the kids," she warns me sternly as I moan loudly and a string of curse words falls loudly from my mouth.

"I don't care," I inform her as I buck my hips from the bed and smear myself against her face and feel her tongue plunge deep inside of me. "Oh, fuck me, Damnet, holy shit!"

She chuckles against me and places her hands firmly on my hips, forcing them back to the bed as her tongue continues to dart in and out of me, causing me to flail about uncontrollably.

"You're amazing…you're fucking amazing," I assure her as she brings one hand from my wild hips before plunging her fingers deep inside me.

"You're amazing," she whispers as her tongue begins circling my throbbing mound, her fingers plunging deeper and deeper inside of my now constricting walls.

"Baby, I need you up here with me," I beg as I frantically pull her up the length of my body until her face is hovering over me.

I caress her sweaty back and pull her closer into me as we begin to rock against one another in the way I like it best.

I hear a moan deep within her throat as our centers meld together and our bodies slip and slide against each other, the heat and friction growing by the second.

"I love you so much," she groans as her lips brush mine lightly, and I pull her to me by the back of her neck, plunging my tongue into her warm mouth while pulling her into me with my other hand.

"I love you too, Ashley," I assure her as I feel her push herself deeper and harder into me, causing every ounce of blood in my body to surge to the place that is locked on her.

"Baby…"

And she nods her head so I know she is right there with me. And with one final thrust, we cum together, nether of us able to control the loud cries that escape our lips, even as our mouths are locks as tightly together as our lower bodies.

And as we come down from our bliss, she kisses me deeply and passionately before resting her forehead into my neck as I rub my hands up and down her back, peppering her forehead with more loving kisses, unable to form words for a few moments as we just lay, wrapped completely up in one another.

Rolling slowly off of me and onto her side, she takes one of my hands into her own, and kisses my fingertips lightly, smiling tenderly down at my satisfied face.

I clasp her hand tightly and pull it to me, caressing my face with the back of her hand, closing my eyes as I shudder again at the feel of her skin against mine.

"Hey, open your eyes, baby," she commands gently and I comply, allowing her huge brown orbs to draw my blue eyes in completely. "You are so amazing, Spencer. I still cannot believe you are mine," she whispers and I shake my head in total disagreement.

"Of course I'm yours, Ash," I assure her as I smile tenderly up at her. "I've always been yours," I remind her, causing her to nod in agreement.

"And I am always gonna be yours, baby." She pulls my hand to her lips and kisses the tip of each finger, one by one, before letting the tips of her own fingers dance against mine. "I've just got everything I have ever wanted, right here at the tips of my fingers," she informs me.

And I pull her back to me and capture her lips in my own, and we kiss slowly and deeply for the better part of the rest of the night.


	30. How We Got HERE and THERE

Chapter 30: How We Got HERE and THERE

Spencer's POV

I check my appearance in the mirror again, deciding I cannot primp and fuss anymore.

_This is as good as it's gonna get._

And I have to say, 'this' pretty good, or at least I think she'll think so.

I am wearing a red halter-dress, the neckline plunging ridiculously low and showing off my breastbone and a fair amount of cleavage. I am wearing strappy black high-heels, and my hair is tied half up, loosely framing my face. As usual, I've adorned myself with my wedding jewelry, just having it polished a few days ago for the occasion.

As I mist myself with just a trace of Pink Sugar, I catch her standing in the doorway, and my breath hitches as I turn to face her.

"WOW."

I feel my cheeks blush to likely the color of the dress I have selected.

"You too," I assure her through a sincere nod.

_And I mean it._

She is wearing white tuxedo pants with a thin black stripe down both sides of the tightly fitting legs. She has on a tight white vest, two buttons holding the center together, her perfect breast peaking over the top, which are lined subtly with a lacy black bra. Her hair is down in her famously beautiful loose curls, and her wedding jewelry is sparking against her tan skin…with the appearance of a recent shining as well.

And she has a thin black tie around her neck.

_Have I ever mentioned how much I love it when she wears a tie? _

Not only does she look amazingly sexy, but I love being able to grab her by it and pull her roughly to me.

And that's just what I do.

And she smiles seductively at me as I toss the tie over my shoulder and grab her firmly by the waist.

"You are so sexy, baby," I inform her, and I see a slight trace of red form on her cheeks.

"You're a goddess," she replies before taking my lips in her own.

And it takes all the self-control we both have not to shed the outfits we've worked so hard to put together for this night.

Pulling back, I hear her moan in protest, and giggle as I smile at her pout.

"We're gonna be late," I remind her as I reach for a black shawl and my black clutch...and a white gift bag with aluminum foil in place of tissue paper.

_I'll explain later. _

"Hey, I've got a lifetime," she protests, and I sigh at the sentiment. "Hey, watcha got there?" she inquires coyly, noticing that I am not only carrying a purse tonight.

I laugh at her impatience and shake my head. "It's a surprise," I inform her and note she clutches her black purse at that moment.

Pushing my own curiosity to the back of my excited mind, I lean in and rest my forehead softly against hers.

"And speaking of lifetimes, when we get back here tonight, I'm gonna give you the best sex you've had in this one."

And the next thing I know, I am being drug out the door so hard I think my arm is going to come out of its socket.

Hand-in-hand, we exit the hotel and are greeted by the slightly cool night air. Not cold, mind you, but there's a slight nip in the air and she must take notice as she reaches over and secures my shawl tightly around my shoulders.

"Thank you, honey," I tell her warmly as she wraps her arm around my waist.

She crinkles her nose at me and turns me down the sidewalk.

And our eyes grow wide in disbelief as the lights of Paris twinkle all around us.

Walking a few blocks, her arm still firmly holding me to her side, we arrive at a little café Ashley has made dinner reservations at. She opens the door for me and keeps her arm on the small of my back as she follows me inside.

"Mademoiselles, Bienvenue!" the host greets us warmly. Switching effortlessly to English, he continues. "Do you have rezervations?"

"Yes, under Davies," she informs him and he checks his book.

"Ah yes, we have ze special table zet for you. Please, follow me Mademoiselles."

And he leads us through the quaint restaurant to a dimly lit table, set for two, in the far, far back.

He pulls my chair out for me first and helps me scoot it closer to the table before doing the same for Ashley. He then places our napkins delicately in our laps while a bus boy rushes to the table to fill our water glasses, followed closely behind by who I assume is our server for the night.

"Welcome, beautiful ladies, to _Chez Andre_. I am Claude, and I will be your server for ze night." He bows slightly before clasping his hands together. "And Mademoiselles, will zere be any wine?"

Ashley has already picked up the wine list and points a red before butchering the name.

I stifle a giggle and note Claude doing the same thing.

"Ah yes, ze 2001 Les Beaux de Provence. Exzellent choice, Mademoiselle," he encourages her politely before disappearing across the restaurant.

"Lay Bo Du Pro-Vance," she repeats in a haughty voice, causing me to laugh loudly and take her hand.

"Tres Bien," I applaud her as I squeeze her hand gently.

"Mercy Buckets." She flashes her teeth proudly and I laugh more loudly. "Hap-pie anniver-zary, bay-bie," she grins, raising her voice at the end in continued failure to master a French accent.

"Happy anniversary, love," I return, my laughter stilling as I stare deeply in her chocolate eyes. "TEN years," I remind her and she nods knowingly.

"Ten of the greatest years ever," she whispers and I lean across the table to steal a quick kiss before Claude returns with the wine.

Pouring a sample for Ashley, she sniffs it slowly, closing her eyes as she pretends to let the aroma fill her nostrils. Opening one eye to steal an amused look at me…and finding me beaming back at her, loving the fact that she can be such a goofball in such a fancy restaurant in the middle of Paris…she takes a sip of the wine and I watch her gargle with it before swallowing it down.

"Perfecto!" She announces before kissing clawed fingertips and thrusting her hand in the air.

Claude looks at her like she's crazy.

And I erupt again as I shake my head and nod to Claude to fill my glass. "Baby, we're in Paris, not Italy," I scold her playfully as she holds her glass up to Claude.

"Filler up, Claude," she commands and I see a smile find its way across his stoic face.

_I THINK he just might get her._

Ashley takes the liberty of ordering for us, much to Claude's and my dismay.

He has to lean over her and watch her point out the courses she is attempting to pronounce.

"And for dezzert, shoc-o-lat soufflé," she concludes as she snaps the menu shut and hands it to Claude before raising one eyebrow to me, challenging me to laugh again.

Claude just shakes his head and gives me a sympathetic look as he turns to put our order in.

"So…what's that thing I saw in your hand earlier?"

I giggle, inwardly acknowledging that she's still a child after ten years of marriage.

"What thing?" I tease as I widen my eyes, attempting to appear as if I have no idea what she is referring to.

"Speeennnceee…" she whines loudly, and I have to reach under the table and grab the gift in a desperate attempt to avert the faces that have turned to our table back to their own dinners.

"Baby…" I scold her amusedly as I place the bag on the table in front of her. Her eyes grow impossibly wide and I watch the light of the candles bounce off of them as she begins to finger the sack.

And I watch her eyes shift from excited to confused as her fingers find the aluminum foil covering the present that is inside.

"What tha…" She raises those confused brown orbs to me and I chuckle, anticipating I would have to explain this one to her.

"Well, tin and aluminum are the traditional gift for a tenth anniversary," I begin to explain as I watch the understanding take over her face. "So, instead of buying you a tin beer stein, I decided to use aluminum foil in place of tissue," I conclude as she laughs and shakes her head.

"Damn, I had my eye on this particular stein…"

"Open it!" I interrupt the silliness once and for all and push the bag closer to her. "And yes, there's a card," I assure her and she groans.

Pulling the white envelope from beneath a piece of foil, she opens it and pulls the card out. She lovingly eyes the front cover before lovingly eyeing me.

It's another 'friendship card", two women sitting laughing in grass with the Eiffel Tower in the background.

Yep, it's ten years later, gay marriage has been legalized in a few places, and still no "It's My Lesbian Life-Partner and My Anniversary" section at the gift shop at the mall.

_Go figure. _

She opens the card slowly, and I see her eyes begin to brim.

"Out loud?" I request and she lifts glassy eyes to me for a moment before clearing her throat.

"Ashley,

How is it that I am sitting across from you in a café in Paris, celebrating ten years of marriage to you? Where have the years gone?"

She looks up for a moment and shakes her head, acknowledging she doesn't know either.

"I sometimes think there will never be enough years in this life to spend with you, but I have been truly blessed to spend the last ten with you as my wife, and the last twenty with you by my side."

She clears her throat again and swallows as a single tear falls down her cheek.

"And I promise you, baby, so long as I can help it, there will never be another day that goes by that I will not spend with you, not so long as I can help it. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. You are my lover, the mother of my three perfect children, and my best friend. Ash, you are my EVERYTHING.

Je t'aime (I love you), Spencer.

"I love you too, sweetheart," she whispers as she closes the card and takes both of my hands on her own.

"How is it that you pout so much about cards, and then every time I give you one, you forget completely about the present?" I tease her as she strokes my hands with her soft fingertips.

"Because you rip my heart out with every word you write to me," she informs me sweetly and I melt a bit. "Okay, okay…" she chuckles as I nod my head towards the gift.

Pulling the rest of the foil from the bag, she reaches in and pulls out a 5 x 7 frame, and her face crumbles as she holds it, tenderly tracing the glass.

"You fixed it," she whispers as she turns it towards me before clutching it to her chest.

It's the engagement picture I broke against the wall the night before we separated over a year ago. In a new frame, solid sterling silver, polished brightly and the glass sparkling from all the Windex I had used on it.

"There's something else in there," I urge her as I nod back at the bag again.

"I don't need anything else," she assures me.

"You might change your mind," I tell her smugly as she fishes back inside and pulls out a neatly folded square of bubble wrap.

"What on earth?" she inquires, confusion taking back over.

"Well…" I begin hesitantly, knowing this next explanation will either perfectly complete the gift or ruin the moment… "I figured you could keep it in the dresser drawer under it so the next time I get slightly violent, you can wrap it up real quickly."

I suck in my breath and watch her stare back at me, her face expressionless for a few seconds before she erupts into hysterical laughter.

And I join her, secretly relieved that she appreciates the humor in my explanation.

"There better not be a NEXT TIME," she announces, attempting to sound stern but her laughter ruining her credibility. Wiping her eyes she leaves her fingers in front of her eyes for a few more seconds, peering at me through the gaps between them while shaking her head. Pulling them down, she fishes into her purse and pulls out her own white envelope and a small square box, wrapped in blue paper and adorned with a shiny silver bow. "I actually didn't know about the aluminum or tin thingy," she confesses as I finger the very aluminum foolish looking bow.

I laugh softly at her. "It's okay, honey. Now hand it over," I command, my bossiness only half serious.

"Yikes!" she cries as she slides it in front of me and yanks her hands back as if they were about to be bitten off. "Card first…"

"I know, I know…" I finger the envelope and admire my name in her perfect penmanship before pulling the card from inside.

"Out loud."

"I KNOW!" I shake my head at her and she just smiles proudly back at me.

"To My Baby…"

I sigh at how three simple words can touch me so deeply.

"Who would have ever thought ten years ago that we'd be sitting across from each other, celebrating our tenth anniversary, with three little knuckle-heads that look just like us, waiting patiently in California for their Mother's to return home from across the globe."

I feel my own tears begin to form, partially because although this trip has been amazing, I do miss my babies.

"I could travel this globe even further than the miles we have come to be sitting her in Paris together, and still never find another person who completes my life in the way you do. And I wouldn't even think to try, because Spence, like I already told you…"

And I feel her reach out and take one hand in her own.

"I have everything I'll ever need, right here, at the tips of my fingers.

Je t'aime (I love you), Ashley.

I shake my head in amazement at our identical salutations before lifting my teary blue eyes to hers.

"You never cease to completely amaze me, babe," I gush as she brings my hand to her lips, kissing my fingertips softly before releasing me so that I can open her gift.

"SO…" she begins nervously eyeing the box sitting in front of me… "I didn't know about the whole tin foil thing, but I did find out what the traditional tenth anniversary jewelry is."

I feel my eyes grow impossibly wide before I whip the bow over my shoulder and tear into the blue paper. Inside sits a little black velvet box, and as I open it slowly, I feel my eyes practically bug out of their sockets.

"Ashley…"

It's a silver heart locket, with a capital S in soft cursive…in tiny sparkling diamonds….across the front.

"Yeah, apparently you already get diamonds after only ten years," she teases and I chuckle.

"So what was your excuse after a day?" I tease back, reminding her of her wedding gift.

"You're my excuse," she replies lovingly. "Now open the locket," she reminds me and I force myself form her gaze before fumbling with the tiny heart.

Opening it, all control over my emotions is gone.

Inside the left side of the locket is a tiny picture of three tiny little children.

And on the other side, a tiny picture of my wife, looking down at something that apparently could not fit in the small space afforded by the locket.

"Paula took that picture of me the day Ben was born," she informs me as I bring the locket to my lips and kiss the faces inside. "I was looking down at you."

And as I avert my eyes from my family placed so delicately and perfectly in the heart that has my initial scripted on the front, I find an identical look transfixed on me as the one on the right side of the locket.

"How do you do it?"

"What?" She questions me, the loving gaze replaced by confusion yet again.

"Continue to test the limits of the universe?"

She shakes her head and urges me to explain.

"I love you, my beautiful wife."

And she smiles and leans across the table to seal my amazement of how the universe works with a perfect Ashley kiss.

…

Ashley's POV

And that is how we got HERE, thousands of miles from California, lying in each other's arms, basking in the afterglow of the best sex…no…lovemaking of my lifetime…of anyone's lifetime.

I am lying on my side, my body pressed slightly over hers, with one arm under her neck and the other resting on her chest, my fingers stroking her cheeks and hair.

She has one arm wrapped tightly around my back and the other also rubbing my cheek and stroking my hair.

And our eyes are locked on one another's in a comfortable silence that only we can feel when we are together like this, only closing momentarily to sigh into gentle kisses to cheeks and necks and foreheads and lips.

I finger the locket around her neck before glancing quickly at the picture on the nightstand she has given me for the second time.

Smiling lovingly at the picture before shifting the loving look back down on to her, I lean in and bring my hand up to cup her perfect face fully.

Tracing one finger down her cheek, across her chin, down her neck, across her collar bone, down the bone between her breasts, I rub my hand across her trembling stomach.

_I love you. _

I trace that same finger back up the length of her body to bring my hand to her face again.

She mirrors my actions before landing on my quivering stomach.

_Je t'aime. _

And while I know the magic of Paris will be behind us in a few short days, we will return to the family we've made and the life we've built together in Southern California.

And although we are HERE, and it's perfect and amazing, once we get home, we'll never lose what we've got THERE ever again.

THE END.

**A/N: Thank you all for reading this little story. I felt it had run its course and there are so many great stories on this site to get into. I am considering a prequel to Finger Tip Love Notes next. Not ready for the gals to grow any older just yet. SO thanks again, and to those of you gracing our imaginations with the wonderful stories you share, keep writing. I think these fics are more satisfying than the original story that started this madness!**


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